Am I a Christian

[Sunshine78]

I have been baptised, confirmed and do believe but I very rarely go to church, my village vicar and team are lovely but I've been let down by vicars before. Briefly the vicar who was involved in my confiramtion was later locked up for being too friendly with boys, then the vicar who was in my parents parish when I decided to get married refused to marry me in the church I was baptised/confirmed in as I didn't live in the parish although I was on the electrol roll. Thus I hardly go to church for which I am feeling increasingly guilty about and two faced as I've had my dc baptised but dont take them to church. Also DH when I do suggest we go isn't that bothered (although has commented feels better for going) and dont know how to approach the subject. Can I be a practising Christian without going to church - I pray each night before going to bed and often look in the bible if I need an answer for anything.

At risk of making you feel bad, I would repeat the comment one of our previous ministers made that "you cannot be a christian and not go to church anymore than you can be a boyscout without wearing the uniform".

Vicars are people too and the churches are absolutely packed with sinners, so you are bound to get hurt.
But then, being a Christian involves following Christ who gave everything for us so that we could have a relationship with God.
Once you have seen that you would do anything to follow in His footsteps, including belonging to His 'body' here on earth.

Because Christianity is about relationship (with God, through Christ, aided by the Holy Spirit) it's hard to live your life as a Christian without also being in a relationship with other Christians - sort of like not inhaling IYSWIM. If you lived on a desert island, or had no possibility of going to church, then I'm sure God would be fine with that, but to choose not to attempt any relationship with other Christians is problematic.

There's also a question about how you are raising your children within the Christian faith if you never take them to church - your own prayers and bible reading are good, and I'm sure you live your life and give them a Christian example in other ways, but they do need a chance to learn their faith from others too.

How about deciding that you will all go once a month, or alternate weeks or something if you find every week a problem? If you make it a regular thing, you get into the mindset of needing a reason not to instead of having to think of a reason why you should bother.

It's difficult isn't it? I know exactly where you're coming from; I too believed for years but didn't feel comfortable with my local church. My dh was happy for us to visit other churches and we have found one that is just brilliant, for us as a family.
Now I feel a real impulse to worship that I have never had before, and it's a source of great joy.
Are there other churches in your area? Do you know other Christians at other churches? Can you talk to them about your concerns?
I hope you find the right place for you to express your faith; the "community" of Christianity is a powerful and wonderful thing

i know it's hard to keep attending when you feel let down by the vicar and or other churchgoers. But i agree with what some of the other posters have said. Being a Christian is all in the way we relate to others. If we cut ourselves off from difficult people, we lost the opportunity to behave in a Christian way towards them, and 'practise what we preach' about forgiveness, love and tolerance, and all the wonderful (and seemingly impossible to live up to) things Jesus spoke about.

I know how you're feeling though, I had a horrible moment with my toddler at Sunday school this week, when a dad of one of the other kids put his hand on hers to try and stop her spilling the colouring pens everywhere.

I was sitting right next to her and trying to get her to behave when he did this, and it took all my willpower not to scream 'Don't you dare touch my daughter!!' at the top of my voice. Afterwards i told dp no way was i going back to the church next week because of 'that horrible man'. I have subsequently calmed down and realised that i need to go back and that 'these people are sent to try us'

I know what people are saying and feel that I should go and stop making excuses. I think its hard just taking that first step as I need dh to come with me or I cant take the dc as I couldn't cope with them on my own in that situation (one would run one way and the other the other!) I think its something we need to sit down and talk about.

Sandy Denny - I don't understnad: what did the dad do wrong?

It's something you need to pray about yourself as well. Once you have established that relationship with God it will become clearer that you need other people as well and you will also find that you get the help you need to overcome the obstacles that you now face.

I'm a Christian and I don't go to church. My dh does and we pray together occasionally and keep God in our relationship.

I don't go to church because that is mostly when I do my voluntary work (which I know God wants me to do)

Christianity is about a relationship with God, you clearly have him in your life. Yes you are missing out on fellowship so maybe you and your dh can pray together.

Remember a church is "where 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name" so pray with your dc's or your dh.

How old are your children? I take my 2 to church on my own as my DH isn't a Christian. It took a huge effort of willpower at first, because I had been hurt by the church I'd be brought up in.

Now, I feel I've really missed out if I don't go! Not that its always easy, as DS (6) has Asperger's, and his behaviour isn't always as good as it could be.

My opinion is that you CAN be a Christian if you don't go to church, but it is really hard, and you could really do with that fellowship that comes from being with other Christians. More importantly, your children would benefit too.

As for broaching it with your DH, you might be surprised! Mine isn't a Christian, as I said, and I was a bit concerned how he'd react to it all, but he's been fine, even comes along occasionally!

Sounds to me you're being prompted to go, but are putting obstacles in the way. As someone else said, why not make a commitment to attend, say once a month and see where it goes from there?

Sunshine - If I were you I would try a few different churches and see if there's a different style that might suit you better. I love church and although I think you can be a Christian and not go, I do think you're missing out.

My question more is, if you love the Lord Jesus, who laid down his life for you why would you not want to go to church, to be supported and encouraged through a difficult time in anyone's life, whilst bringing up children? There is nothing more important than loving those around you than encouraging them in their relationship with God through Christ than regularly meeting to learn more about him.
I'd encourge you seriously to return to Church, particualrly in attending one where the Bible is clearly taught, even if it means traveling a little further than you'd like.

Mel,it isn't always easy to find a church which supports and encourages you. It is hard when you are scared you might be let down by the very people who are supposed to be your Christian brothers and sisters.

Its like a leap of faith, scary at first, but with God's grace, can be nurtured and built upon.

Sunshine, if the village vicar and his team are lovely, do you think you could try talking to them about your concerns before you start going there? They may suggest someone who could help you with the children if you go without DH?

Or why not fix on a day to start going, or at least to go once? Psych yourself up for it. Pentecost is coming up... that's always referred to as "the birthday of the church", fancy going then?

As I've already said, I've been there, done that, re: churchgoing and I'm glad I did.

erm, a man i've never even met before tried to discipline my child, even though I, her mother was sitting right next to her. That's what he did wrong.

To be a Christian and not go to church is possible but very difficult. For several years after coming to London I didn't go to church. At one point I found a good church and made lots of friends there but the preaching never did inspire me and eventually I stopped going. Having moved house I started going to a new church where the preaching is absolutely brilliant - each Sunday I am amazed what new things I've learnt from the Bible passage that has been preached on. There are playgroups and everyone is very welcoming, although did not crowd us when we were still new.

I agree with MaryBS's comments. Why not plan shopping around for a new church where you will feel at home? You could have a look to see what churches there are in your area, look on their noticeboards to see the sort of services they run. If you drive or walk past on a Sunday morning, see whether there are small/large young/old congregations and what style the music is. Open your mind to trying different denominations of church - at different stages in my life I've been a regular attender of Methodist, CofE, and now Baptist, and have not come across any contradictions in the teaching.

Oldish thread but I thought I'd comment anyway.
I think that you can be a practising Christian without going to church. You can follow the teachings of Christ without visiting a church. Christ said that if one or more people were gathered in His name then he would be with them. Surely if Sunshine and her sons get together to discuss Christ, He would be with them. He didn't specify a church afaik.

SandyDenny - Realise you might not be around now but think your reaction to the man who prevented your dd pencils fall was a bit ott. Perhaps he thought you needed a bit of help. I think I might have thanked him for that.

I am one of those people who thinks that it is difficult to live out a Christian life without going to church.

The Christian faith is all about relationships - up to Jesus and God, and across to other Christians. We need other Christians to learn from, both lay people and clergy. There is a great eagerness to learn more about Jesus, and it is very difficult to do this on your own.

If you read the first part of Acts, where it describes the earliest church, you see the importance of worship. You really can't be a solo Christian.

Well, I suspect thst you have issues with the Church rather than christianity itself. And that is an entirely understandable and common feeling to have. There are ways to live a Christian life without HAVING to go to church. And I do believe that you can have a relationship with God that is personal and private. Not solo as such,...but in my own opinion it is entirely possible and fulfilling.

What is church? It is a meeting of people not a building. Many people have reasons they can't attend the building on a sunday - but it is wise to join a group of christians (church) to help us in our daily walk. If you really can't join a local church then i suppose web based resources such as"church on the net" might help. And then you are posting on here of course.
I can't look inside you and tell you if you are a christian. I don't think we should make that kind of judgement on each other.