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Original poster

Anyone married to a Catholic but not Catholic themselves?

19 replies

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 15:07

DH is Catholic. He's gone only intermittently since adulthood, but now he's getting back into it again and he wants the kids to go. It means we're all going more often as a family instead of the 3/4 times yearly.

I always enjoy it and feel great afterwards BUT I also feel left out when it comes to the communion bit.

I've never really felt the need to be confirmed or even baptised and although I agree with the vast majority of what it all stands for (symbolically if not actually), there are some things I just wouldn't be able to sign up for, hand on heart.

Yet I would like to take part in the communal meal thing and taking in the body and blood of Christ together, but I know I can't.

I wonder if I will reach a stage of being content with the blessing and not feel left out.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 15:09

yes

but don't relate because we're both atheists

it's all bumkum to us

MargaretMountford · 27/04/2008 15:10

I am a very lapsed Catholic - how interesting that your dh is getting back into it...I've thought about it too. I can't quite commit myself to it which means that I don't take communion if I go to Mass as I haven't been to confession for a milion years and I believe that tyou should have a clean soul if you are to receive the body of Christ - I think some people don't follow this though but it would bother me.
I can understand your feeling left out though

Original poster

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 15:13

I don't want to convert for the sake of it Margaret, particularly as I have one or two unbridgable disagreements with the Catholic doctrine.

Most of it is great though and I just wish there was a way of celebrating that.

OP posts:

MargaretMountford · 27/04/2008 15:16

I tend to pick the bits of Catholicism that I like and mix them with a bit of Buddhism which then covers all eventualities !
I love the ritual of Catholic Mass though, it's a nostalgia thing too as it was what I was brought up with - Mass every Sunday and once a week at school and a Benediction thrown in too - have you been to that ? is wonderful.

ScienceTeacher · 27/04/2008 15:18

My husband was a practicing Catholic when I met him. His family are very devout (daily Mass).

I was Presbyterian (Church of Scotland).

We married in the Kirk, but pretty much ignored church when we were first married. Unfortunately, our visits to DH's family's church coincided with their rants against protestants, so it never endeared me to them.

When we moved to England, we went to our local Parish church and loved it. We are very active members of the Church, and I have been baptised and confirmed. Anglicanism can be a bit of a compromise between RC and presbyterian. Our RC relatives don't see it that way, but we did point out to them that they should work on non-believers and not us. We have reached an agreement . DH is sad that he cannot share communion wiht his family, including at his mother's funeral - but is basically happy that the CoE is very inclusive.

I work in a Catholic school and can only receive a blessing, but as an Evangelical, I get a lot more out of sharing The Peace, than the actual receiving of the Body and Blood.

Original poster

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 15:18

I haven't been to a Benediction.

Like you DH picks the bits he likes but then you can do that when you're already a Catholic can't you? I don't think that as a full blown adult I can walk into it with my eyes open and just pretend I believe it all. If you're brought up with it though you don't have the same level of complicity as it were.

DH is really enjoying getting back into it on his terms. I think he was put off by being forced to go as a child.

OP posts:

Original poster

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 15:24

That's interesting to know ScienceTeacher. I was married in a church of Scotland cathedral which the Catholics quite like because it's 'high church' but they still need our marriage to be blessed by their church otherwise it doesn't count.

I agree about working on non believers -- but perhaps we're softer targets.

OP posts:

MargaretMountford · 27/04/2008 15:28

yes, I think you are absolutely right there spidermama - interestingly we were made to go as children which I didn't always like,except for the school Masses which happened when I was going through a religious phase at about 9 -11 yrs ! I had no interest until more recently,perhaps it's something to do with age. My grandma was a very fervent and religious Catholic but married an Anglican and they both just did their own thing church-wise. It always surprised me that she had married a non-Catholic as her religion was so important to her and she was very distressed when we all lapsed.

MaryBS · 27/04/2008 17:58

Hmm, I left the RCC and became an Anglican because I couldn't be content with just a blessing (I'm divorced/remarried). That probably doesn't help though...

CorrieDale · 27/04/2008 18:17

Can I just say that I'm a fairly committed Catholic - I go to Mass with the children and generally toe the party line - but I have a number of unbridgable disagreements with the Catholic doctrine too. My priest (who obviously buys into most of it!) takes a pragmatic view and tells us to pick out what we like and ignore what we don't, as long as we follow the basic tenet of doing unto others and living good, loving, prayerful lives. He's my kind of priest!

GrapefruitMoon · 27/04/2008 18:25

Spidermama I would go and talk to a local priest. All the present day ones I have been met have been quite "liberal" in comparison to my childhood.... much like corriedale describes!

I know a few people who converted to catholicism as adults because their dh's/dw's and dc's were catholic.... I'm pretty sure that not all of them agree wholeheartedly with every single point of doctrine.

And have you checked about the communion thing - because I have a feeling that I've seen a few non-catholics take communion at masses I've been to...

wessexgirl · 27/04/2008 18:31

My mother converted to Catholicism before she married my (Irish) dad - she never really took it fully on board, though, and I have no memories of her ever taking communion.

MargaretMountford - I used to love Benediction at school. In fact, you have just inspired me to look up the word 'paraclete', as I always wondered what that meant .

Original poster

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 18:35

Corrie maybe I should do that. He's a bit of an old grump sadly. The sisters are very nice though. Perhaps they'd be the first port of call.

OP posts:

MargaretMountford · 27/04/2008 18:36

wessexgirl !

serin · 27/04/2008 21:38

Spidermama, might I recommend a book called Catholicism for Dummies? It explains everything in plain English and is quite entertaining too!

Your parish should run RCIA courses where you can find out more about the Catholic Faith and you would be under no obligation to convert at all.

Mary Bs, interesting that you left the RCC because you could not be content with just a blessing, can you recieve the Body and Blood of Christ in an Anglican church then? I thought that as a Protestant religion the
Eucharist would be symbolic, one of the things they were originally protesting about?

......but then again I'm no theologian!

MaryBS · 27/04/2008 22:08

Serin, yes you can receive the body and blood in an Anglican church, although whether the RCC would accept that is a different matter (due to Pope Leo declaring Anglican holy orders invalid). Many High Church Anglicans believe that (generally the Anglo-Catholics), I know my vicar does for instance. It does vary from church to church though. Many Anglicans would accept Christ's presence in the Eucharist, even if they do not believe in transubstantiation as the RCC does.

serin · 27/04/2008 22:23

OK Thanks for that Mary, as someone who moved from RC to atheism, to Baptist then CofE, then eventually back home to RC, Anglicanism is one of the few I have no real experience of!

Original poster

Spidermama · 27/04/2008 22:50

You've come on quite a journey serin.

I was brought up a devout athiest. I remember begging to be allowed to go to Sunday school but being told it was boring and I wouldn't like it.
At around 14 I went on my own into a Catholic church and asked if I could join. They said 'yes' then told me I would have to do classes for months or even longer. At fourteen that seems like devoting your life to something so I didn't continue.

I was helped to find my own spiritual path when I ment dh because of his background. His family talk so openly about these matters in a way which was alien but extremely refreshing for me.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 28/04/2008 07:26

Well CofE IS Anglican, at least in England. Certainly in the church I am in, the service is very similar to that in the RCC (apart from the vicar knows how to preach! I always found the catholic priests I came across couldn't preach! ). I've been a couple of times to our local RC church and have gone up for a blessing there.

Sounds like there's a few people on here who've had interesting paths...

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