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Original poster

Can any Catholics help me.

26 replies

MrsStig · 26/04/2008 23:22

I'm not Catholic, but DH was brought up in a Catholic family, although he's not practicing. DS attends a Catholic school, and after years of hope from DH's side of the family I went to talk to the Priest about having DS baptised. The priest was all too keen, and has booked us in for a baptism, asap, much to in laws delight, who have now booked the party.

Ds really enjoys going to mass with the school, and says he would like to be Catholic, but at 8 he probably doesn't really know what that means.

So, how much of a sin will it be if I don't take DS to church each week? (most of DH's family don't actually go each week themselves )

any other advice much apreciated.

OP posts:
johnso · 26/04/2008 23:34

Why have you decided to get him baptised now?

B1977 · 26/04/2008 23:35

Can DS go with a schoolfriend's family?

johnso · 26/04/2008 23:36

Why have you decided to get him baptised now?

Youcannotbeserious · 26/04/2008 23:41

I think if you are going to go through with the baptism, then you will have to go to church on a sunday (certainly, most of the priests I know wouldn't be happy if you weren't practising, IYSWIM)

He also goes to a catholic school where most of the kids probably DO go, so he might just want to fit in (at around 8, many of them will be having their first communion / confession so that might be something that's triggered his interest)

Can I ask why you don't want to go? It's only an hour (a bit less if you go to the Saturday night or early sunday services) and it's not all that bad... YOu can explain to the priest that YOU aren't catholic and therefore won't be expected to take part in communion etc.,

Original poster
MrsStig · 26/04/2008 23:45

It seemed like a good idea to get him baptised now as, he could then go and be confirmed with the other children in his class. (partly)

Partly because I went into the church office, and spoke to the priest, who was very keen.

DS is enjoying the Catholic part of his school, adn is using the roseary thay gave him, etc.
I'm comfortable with all aspects of him becomming Catholic, apart from actually going to church every week. (Does that sound awful form a Catholics point of view?)

OP posts:
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:48

I am Catholic and my husband was raised as Catholic but not keen . Obvious;y you are not that much into it but why don't you get those in laws on board to take your son to church with them if possible . Lo0ok at baptism as a beginning and give your son the chance to discover if it is for him or not

fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:51

L0ok if you are not a catholic I completly understand your reluctance and I think th priest would too. This is an instance where your inlaws or godparents can help out.

Youcannotbeserious · 26/04/2008 23:51

Not at all... I don't go to Church every Sunday by any stretch of the imagination but do still ( and will always) consider myself catholic.

There are lots of people in the church who DO think you have to go every Sunday, and there is a good argument that churches DO need to be supported (but you can do that in other ways).

I prefer to 'talk to god' when I walk my dog... that's my personal preference...

Just one thing I'm not sure about though: Do YOU not want to go to Church or do you not want your DS to go every sunday? There are Saturday services if you are busy on SUndays?

girlfrommars · 26/04/2008 23:52

If your DH is Catholic (though lapsed) can't he take your DS to church? Or your ILs?

Igotnewboots · 26/04/2008 23:53

It does sound awful. The Mass is absolutly central to being a Catholic.

Igotnewboots · 26/04/2008 23:57

Good point about the Godparents. I know one of my dcs godmothers who lives in a different parish puts an envelope in the collection for each of her godchildren in case their parents haven't taken them to mass that day.

Igotnewboots · 27/04/2008 00:00

That sounded harsher than I meant. I do think that mass is really important though. Do you not want to go yourself or do you not want him to go?

Original poster
MrsStig · 27/04/2008 00:01

It's not that I don't want to go to mass.... I'm quite happy to go most weeks, I'm just worried that I'll be causing my DS to sin if I didn't take him...for example if we were travelling or something. Although I personally don't think he would be sinning.

The family that are so keen for DS to be baptised are pretty much only wedding and funeral people themselves.

OP posts:
pofaced · 27/04/2008 00:13

No of course you don't HAVE TO go every week but you SHOULD.. get used to Catholic semantics now!
I'm A Catholic and would always describe myself as one but there have been times in my past when I mightn't have gone to mass for months: this made me a less observant Catholic but didn't negate my Catholicism. I now try to take DCs most Sundays and will never miss a significant time (even in my dissolute past, I would go to a church, any church on Easter Sunday including various CofE ones when no Catholic one enarby). Even if you have no religious belief,it is no harm to take some time out each week for reflection and this can be done easily in a church while others around you go through their rituals and you accompany your son.
When I drunkenly discussed this kind of thing at my wedding with the priest who married us he gave me the advice to stay close to the Gospel but away from the clergy!

Ask at your local parish office about courses for non Catholic parents: if they don't run one, they may know of a diocescan one that you might find useful. I had to do an 8 week course before my child was baptised in a London church, despite being a Catholic and having already baptised another child in another country. It was a useful reminder of just what I was committing my child to.

Good luck and I think it's very sweet that your son is so taken by it all.

And beware people who tell you what you MUST do!

Youcannotbeserious · 27/04/2008 00:14

Well, MrsStig - do what my (EXTREMELY CATHOLIC) mother used to do!!

If we could go to mass on Sunday (say we were travelling or whatever) she'd shake us with a bit of holy water, we'd bless ourselves and she'd say 'God Understands'

Thereagain, I swear my (Now deceased) Granny was closer to God than the pope himself!! She didn't just talk to God - oh, no, God talked back to her too!!!

And, if DS gets into the whole thing, he can go to confession if he does miss mass and feels badly because of it (though there is usually a catholic church somewhere to be found - and you get the 7 wishes for visiting a new church (well, you do in my mothers version of the catholic relgion!)

Youcannotbeserious · 27/04/2008 00:16

Agree totally with Pofaced - Be very wary of people who dictate a religion to you....

Igotnewboots · 27/04/2008 00:19

loads of people don't go to mass when they are travelling. You can only do your best. It sounds like you are getting a lot of Catholic guilt without actually being Catholic. Your ds can't be held responsible for decisions that his parents make for him so it wouldn't be a sin for him anyway. He is still very young to understand the significance of the mass.

Youcannotbeserious · 27/04/2008 00:21

Ahh... Catholic guilt... It goes with the religion, I'm afraid....

Catholics must've been very bad in previous lives, because most of them feel as guilty as hell in this one!!!

Tortington · 27/04/2008 00:26

i'm half jewish half catholic - don't even talk to me out guilt

take yor kids to church every week - and if you don't theres always confession

Original poster
MrsStig · 27/04/2008 00:28

youcannotbeserrious..LOL at God talkiing back to your Granny... he talked back to my (Anglican) G'ma too.

So to sum up, would DS be better off being baptised, but not making it to mass each week (possibly not at all as an adult, who knows) or just attending church, and never being baptised or confirmed?

It's late. I probably sound soooo confused.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 27/04/2008 00:32

If DS is enjoying the whole thing now, and the priest is OK with your views, then I can't see the harm in it.

I was baptised as a baby and brought up a strict catholic, but it doesn't mean I go every week - there's no guarentee for your DS either...

I think, at 8YO, if your DS wants to go ahead with it, then let him - and go to Church with him when you can...

Original poster
MrsStig · 27/04/2008 00:37

Thankyou, Youcannotbeserious!

OP posts:
fuzzymummy · 27/04/2008 00:41

Can I be very frank ? You are a very conscientious person . Your son has expressed an interest in becoming a catholic . Great . But that does not tie you in . If I were you I would go ahead with his baptism and support his endeavours but don't worry about causing him to sin or not . His godparents and choose wisely could really help you out with this .

girlfrommars · 27/04/2008 00:43

Your mother's version of Catholicism sounds great Youcannotbeserious.

I'm I never got any wishes.

nooka · 27/04/2008 00:55

I don't see the point of having your son Christened but not making a commitment that he will regularly go to Mass. However that doesn't mean that you always have to take him, just that as a family you make that commitment. Otherwise I'd advise choosing godparents that will actively support him in his faith. Re travelling and stuff my parents always found out about local services and went wherever they were, so it was a rare weekend when we missed a service. However I am an aethiest now, so it didn't really save my soul! It certainly shouldn't be considered a sin for an eight year old to miss services as this is not really in his contol. I just think that religious commitments should not be taken lightly (which is why I don't, as an adult have any!). However if you are even worrying about it then you ae on the right track!