lost soul...looking for the light...

[smartestgiantintown]

i don't know ...bearly writing all this but i am so lonly,my whole family is so far...can't live like this any more..had it enough.Please don't need to comment if you don't want but just needed someone to hear me...
My so cold partner just beat me up 4h ago. BEALIVE me didn't say anything to opset him-he knows that i am in Very difficult possition regarding many things(i am the bread winner-4 of us)He is not a man i thought he is-everything in the begining was ok-perfect-but started alll when i was 4mnths preg. with my 2nd dd. We had a conflict and he just bursted and pushed me on the wall. Then when my lovely dd was born he actualy slaped me and for the past 2yrs every 2-3mnths he does someting- over the small thing he will make it big and i guess that is his way of offloading his problems. Tonight is just too much-he nearly ripped my hear and his fingerprints are still there-i just can't fight him...he is so strong. i am too tired of everything feeling like a slave or a prisoner...please don't tell me to leave him i would but at the moment i simply cant but i know that next time wont go well...can't take it. No one of my close friends don't know-everyone thinks he is amazing father and partner-father maybe...
and after what he is done he is literaly there snoring in the bedroom-HATE HIM hate the day i met him... just need to cryfeeling so humiliated-as a person, as a woman, as a human ...i am loosing my bealive in God and Angels...can't even see what is normal...or what is wrong...just need a shoulder to cry and a hug...always felt sorry for abused women and i am becoming one of them-i am one of them...there is no word that can describe you how my pride is going down from day to day...thank you...But still preying my angel is here ....

This is awful and I think you have to do something, you say you can't leave him but you must and the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be, he will grind you down further and you won't have the strength. Is there absolutely no-one you can ask for help? I know it must be difficult to discuss with your friends, but it will open up some opportunities. If not try this link

www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family/domestic_violence.htm

Also I think you've posted this in the wrong place, try relationships, there's a lot of people who've been in the same situation and will have better advice for you. Good luck.

Dearest Smartest, I hear you and am worried about you? What will happen when he wakes?

I understand that you must be in a terrible state but I am praying that you will find the strength to put your little ones in the car and drive to a place of safety. If you don't have a car ring the police, please please ring the police, they will believe you and find somewhere where you will be treated with the respect you deserve.

He needs help and you and your little ones need to be safe.

God Bless and stay strong.

Smartest: Have a look at this and please phone them. They can help you and give them the support and help that you need.

www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CIn3w7_V-ZICFQZFMAodZUrSBA

Phone: 0808 2000 247

If a friend were telling you what you have written what would you tell them to do? You know in your heart that you need to get some help. Not tomorrow, you need to do this now. Your angel is there. She's telling you to get some help. You're not alone. You need to phone them and let them help you and your children. Please.

thank you.......