My Childhood has made me question my faith and I need help getting it back. Please.

[toyotatallula]

I was born to a mixed marriage in NI. My mother an unquestioning Roman Catholic.

She brought us up in Catholic education and in her faith.

I'm in my 50's now and have had time to look back and review my life.

Some of the decisions she made and how she parented us were heavily influenced by the church. She was overbearing judgmental and until recently very controlling. She has many deeply religious friends who
Are the same.

I stopped going to mass when I got married and had children because I felt it wasn't speaking to me. I have made decisions most of my life (until about 10 yrs ago) based on what my mother and her religion would say.

She has advanced dementia now and is even more fanatical about her religion.
Asking for us to send
Money to EWTN etc etc.
I thought I didn't believe any more.
I felt it more important to teach my children manners and what's right and wrong and to give them
The courage to do the right thing.

I was doing well. Until recently I've felt the stress levels increase and before I would have prayed to god to ask for help. I got some
Comfort from that. Now I feel empty and very alone. I don't know if I believe or not.

I wonder is there a less prescriptive church. Or I think I'd like to believe there is something but then I wonder about all the terrible things happening in the world.

Sorry I'm all a pickle with this. Any advice or words of wisdom?

I am in the same boat except I rejected my faith years ago ( not Catholic) I follow the cultural aspects of my faith. It's a lonely feeling.

@Lentilweaver it really is lonely. I am finding it conflicts with my identity.
I very much identify as Irish and I feel the Irish and Catholic part are so interconnected in my community.

Maybe it's a hefty dose of therapy I need.

I'm sorry you're feeling lost. Would you ever give one of the Protestant denominations a chance?

Look into end times apostasy. Jesus warned there would be a great 'falling away' from faith in Him before His return. I believe there is a strong spirit of apostasy at work today.

'Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, * *but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.'
(Matthew 24:12-13).

Just go back to Celtic Christianity

I wish you could come to our church OP. We would welcome you back at your own pace. Start with fellowship, no shoving scripture at you and take it as you wish.

OP, it is definitely a lonely feeling, upon the realisation that maybe an integral part of your identity, Catholicism in this case, you no longer really connect with, and/or it doesn’t align with many of your most heartfelt beliefs. There are so many other wonderful belief systems out there, just ready for you to explore, that maybe would be more aligned with who you are and what you truly believe, for yourself. You don’t need a religion to tell you what is good or bad, or how you should live your life in order to please some god and to get into heaven. Perhaps look at some of the eastern philosophies of Taoism, even Buddhism? Or even paganism? Or even have a look at Humanism, which puts humanity over everything else? There is much more out there, than just the main organised religions. So many amazing and positive belief systems, that could potentially give you so much comfort and joy, and which are so much less restrictive than most religions.

@OneDandyPoet this is such a helpful reply. Thank you so much n

From reading your post and not knowing you. I could be wrong but your post to me seemed to lack that personal relationship with God. Your faith and relationship with God is not dependent and based on your mother. I just read about your relationship with your mother and your own faith in this post. Focus on love of God and communicating with God openly in prayer and know that you have a loving father who wants to walk with you. I wish you well.

Doesn’t sound like religion has had a positive impact on your life. Why do you need it - life is so much better without that hanging over you.

I lost my Christian faith too. I understand your feelings of emptiness/ loneliness.

One thing that helped me was my therapist telling me, "You have to believe in yourself first." I realised that because of my anxiety, I always wanted God to rescue me/ was worried about angering God. Once I realised this, I started trusting myself and my own abilities and decisions more. I actually grew in self-confidence and felt I needed a faith less.

When I was exploring my beliefs, I really enjoyed Julia Sweeney's one woman show 'Letting Go of God'. The whole thing is on YouTube but it's over an hour long (it's very good though!). She was from a staunchly Catholic family before she started having doubts about religion. You might enjoy it. Good luck in your faith journey and I hope you find what you're looking for.

If you need to be reminded of the harm Christianity has done over the centuries to people and to societies, try Catherine Nixey’s The Darkening Age. All those revered doctors of the church were burners of books and despoilers of art to make the Taliban blush.

Respect your earlier decision to drop religion. It sounds as if you have a lot going on at the moment, and need some support — therapy is going to be more useful and self-nurturing than returning to something you rejected long ago. You will always be culturally Catholic, but that’s not reason to try to force yourself back into a pattern of belief.

I think this is what I have come to realise. I'm brought up in the "catholic Culture"

I'm trying to work on myself and rely on genuine techniques to help me through stress rather than a god I'm not sure exists.

I also grew up Catholic. I am now C of E. Looking back, I wonder what took me so long. If you do want to explore Christianity, I'd recommend trying out some churches and seeing how you feel; when you hit on the right one for you, you'll know.

I was a devout Protestant for many years, but eventually left the organised religion stuff. After looking at other alternatives I have now got to a place where I am a solitary; I realised that for me, all paths led me to God/the Universe and I'm ok with that, I see God in nature, in the vast expanse of the universe, and for me he's not a being sitting in judgement but rather the distillation of the purest form of love, a love that is unconditional. You can use practices from Catholicism if they help, such as prayers of the rosary, as they can help concentrate the mind, they can bring back those sensations from childhood while helping free you from the more restrictive ideas you maybe grew up with. Simple meditation on the breath, where you just don't actively think of anything other than focusing on your breath, in and out, can be amazingly helpful, can give you clarity of thought and also reduce your stress. I see now that being part of a religious group, while it was great at the time, can also stifle spirituality (guilt I think plays into this too). Sure it's not for everyone, but works for me.

@PamelaColmansMustard your post is so peaceful. That's what I want. I grew up by the sea and always loved looking and listening to the water (don't
I've being in it so much 😃) I really relate to what you say about nature.

Thank you....I may have garnered criticism (not on here!) for "cherry-picking" the bits I wanted to keep, and the new things I wanted to bring in, but that's fine. You can do that when you're solitary! (you can do it even when you're not). I love my spiritual practice, such as it is; I can pray to Father God and Mother Earth, I say hi to the moon, I study Tarot and found that it was another route to the Divine. The element of water, being a large part of our physical body and an essential of all life, it's a great thing to bring that connection. Keep seeking, keep looking; they say you'll find the path, and it's also true that the path'll find you. Blessings.

Have you found a church? Try the BSF online - Bible study fellowship