I’ve lost my faith

[BoudiccasBangles]

I used to live for my faith. A very eclectic mix of C of E and Irish Catholic from family and school, mixed with new age, yoga, reiki, meditation and love of the Earth.

I’ve had a really tough few years and my faith has been knocked out of me. I feel so hollow. I used to believe in something higher and could always use it to dig deeper, but now I just feel alone.

I used to look for the good in things and believe everything was teaching me something, but now I just feel battered by life. I’ve done counselling, trauma work and anti-depressants (have come off those now) and I’m stable but empty.

I have two wonderful children and a husband who loves us to live for but my spirit/soul feels dead.

Has anyone else felt like this and recovered their faith? Did it change? How did you get it back?

Lost your faith in what?

Faith. The belief in something higher, that there’s anything other than just me bumbling along on my own, trying to work it all out.

We're you part of a church family? Can you speak to someone at your/your local church who may have first hand experience and can help you.

Mine has been sorely tested, but I thankfully still have it - it is such a strength if you can recover it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fully-Alive-searching-twenty-first-Turbulent/dp/1399810766 Would recommend this book.

I’m really struggling with the role of women in the church. Not just as clergy, but how they’ve been treated and represented through history. I’ve been going back to the very early church and the gospels which don’t form part of the standard Bible. They resonate but it’s almost impossible to find a church that will discuss them. I don’t want to follow faith by rote - I need to feel it, to be led from the heart.

I also feel the need to have connection to the Earth in my faith - not as a pagan, but that’s where I find the divine most strongly. Most of the conventional Christian churches are quite detached from the earth.

That looks interesting, thanks.

I don’t believe in any specific faith any more. I just want that feeling of connectedness back.

Well, yes, I too couldn't have faith in a new-agey-pick-and-mix 'something higher' - that concept is too random and baseless for me, so I can sort of understand why the 'something' is lost to you. I hope you soon feel less lonely and hollow.

For me, my faith in the Lord God Almighty through Christ Jesus is my strength and stay. My faith in Him does not protect me from the toils and troubles of the world, but it gives me peace and is a reminder that this life with all its challenges (and joys!) is short and fleeting.

Spending time in nature and stillness will probably be more beneficial than anything else.

That’s what’s always fixed me in the past. I think that’s what I’m missing.

Can you make some time to visit a forest or beach? Or even sit out in the garden on a towel with or rug with your hands and feet on the grass? Just breathe and be still and feel reconnected ❤️ Don't be surprised if you either feel very calm or very emotional- or a mix of both!

Try doing The Artist's Way (Julia Cameron).

I suggest you read Revelations of Divine Love or visit the anchorage of Julian of Norwich, she was a mystic very joyous and loving the earth. A wonderful example of a great woman Christian saint.
Julian of Norwich

Well I'm a rabid atheist, but still a huge fan of Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. It helped me loads.

I love Julian of Norwich. She’s been there throughout my adult life, on and off. I’ll go and look her out. Seeing her there was like being reminded of an old friend.

Atheist, back again.

Have you seen this exhibition that's just started at London's British Library? “Medieval Women: In Their Own Words”. Looks fascinating - and has Margery Kempe and Hildegard of Bingen featured, among many others.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/these-rare-artifacts-tell-medieval-womens-stories-in-their-own-words-180985317/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Pain-Have-Mercy-Little/dp/1526647885

Have you read this? It's a fictionalised telling of the lives of Margery Kempe and Julian of Norwich...I really loved it. There's a review here https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/14/for-thy-great-pain-have-mercy-on-my-little-pain-by-victoria-mackenzie-review-a-pocket-epic Don't know whether it will help with your crisis of faith but it will stay with you.

I would suggest you keep on praying from your heart every day to God. God is listening. Take your time to be around God's creation and know that God created you for a purpose and perhaps you still know that. If you didn't before consider getting yourself Baptised for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit if you are a part of the Church and for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Don't give up this battle and know that some people like Theresa of Avila have taken long breaks from their faith and come back stronger than ever. Good luck.

Coming back to your post. I created this thread on another forum about one of my conditions. I wrote it on the role of women in the Bible and all the posts they may interest you.
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/women-in-the-bible.48716/