Can you help me find a church (in Cambridge)?

[confusedworshipper]

I really want to start going to church but I've over-thought it. Which is typical behaviour for me. I don't really know much about church aside from what I learnt in R.E. A-level & from attending services when I was a teacher in a CofE school. But in the past two or so years I've been drawn to it and even enrolled my child in a CofE primary (not our nearest).

I live in Cambridge. My local church is St Matthews which I think is technically part of the CofE. But it calls itself evangelical and doesn't have the same "vibe" as CofE churches I've been to before. Can anyone explain the variance in the CofE to me? I've tried googling and I can't seem to figure it out.

If it's evangelical does it automatically mean it is more conservative on matters like women's equality and same sex relationships? This would worry me as I am a progressive.

I've been to Great St Mary's in the city centre a few times but it's massive and I get the sense it's not going to easily give me one of things I am looking for: community.

I've also got my eye on St. Bede's school for my child later on. The admissions for this state:

1. Children from Church of England / Roman Catholic families who are baptised or otherwise recognised as a full member of the Anglican / Roman Catholic Church and whose status is confirmed as such by their priest or minister.
2. Children from families belonging to other Churches that are members of ‘Churches Together in England’, the ‘Evangelical Alliance’ or ‘Partner Churches of Affinity’ whose membership status is confirmed as such by their priest, minister or elder.

Presumably St Matthew's would count as #1 (if we were to start attending regularly and get baptised?)

Thank you for any light you can shed on this matter!

St Matthews put lots of their sermons on YouTube you can access them via their website. Why not watch a few and see whether it aligns with your beliefs.

IME the best thing you can do is spend a few months going to different churches and see which one works best for you. You will never find the perfect church and if you did, they wouldn’t let you join!

Every one has its own vibe, different styles of worship ( music , prayers ) and preaching / teaching, its own community and style. The theological differences between all these churches are very small compared to what they have in common.

Thats assuming that you are genuinely interested and not just trying to tick a box to get what you want. Though I have no idea why anyone would want to send their child to a faith based school if they don’t share that faith themselves . Either is true and real and meaningful , in which case you’d want to be part of it. Or it’s a lot of nonsense in which case why teach it to your children.

https://honestchurch.org.uk/
This might be helpful in determining the questions to ask if you're looking for a progressive church - don't be afraid to email the minister/ vicar/ rector and ask.
I don't know Cambridge churches well, however another quick way to see if a church is likely to be progressive is to see if it's a member of Inclusive Church network (largely yes) or Evangelical Alliance (largely no). I know friends of friends who've found community at Downing Place URC, no idea if that helps with the school thing though

Thank you, I did watch one and found the music style very off putting! It’s very convenient (literally a few mins away) so I should probably attend in person to see how it feels in person.

Oh wow, this is great and addresses my concerns. I don’t want to accidentally pull my child into a community that is hostile to our lesbian & gay friends etc.

I will check the inclusive church list.

Not sure about Downing URC but will take a look.

Thanks!

St Matthew's isn't inclusive. The language is coded, but to those of familiar with the language it is clear in the 'all about us' section that they are conservative on LGBTQI+. They may be a headship church which means that women can't lead the church. It looks like women can preach though.

Thank you. I couldn't tell this myself! Will look at that section of the website.

I find it so fascinating that the ones that appear more "modern" and informal are actually more conservative.

I'd love to understand more about the evolution of this.

Oooh... "But many of us have concerns about the direction of the current Church of England leadership and cannot commend all its ministers or churches." 😰

I attended great st Mary's for a while before moving house and then going to my local village church.

It certainly was quite good at community - I did the alpha course there and they have a lot of home groups etc. not sure how old your child is but I attended when mine were pre school and they had a creche and mum and child groups during the day.

They also had youth groups etc for older children.

That was some time ago now. I can't comment on their position on theology as I didn't look into that.

I'm now in rural Cambridgeshire and the local church is more traditional in terms of services etc but we have a great lady vicar.

I suspect any of the city centre churches will be quite big. This has pros and cons - they might well have youth groups that have more than 3 people in them, home groups, a varied programme of talks etc as well as the services. Smaller (usually more rural) churches struggle to offer any of that but you do usually get to know most of the congregation (if only because there are not many of them)

Yes that's it. That makes me uncommended as a divorced female priest who will be very happy to lead blessings and weddings for same sex couples when it is legal to do so.

Thank you for sharing, that's interesting. Perhaps I should go again and try and hang around at the end for tea. I feel so awkward alone in these situations!

Oh dear. Well, at least, with your help, I know what to avoid!

Another random question, will my child be allowed to attend children's group/Sunday school if they are not baptised? I hope/assume the answer to this is "of course".

Oh, and, thanks to the Inclusive Church network I've found out about St. Paul's on Hills Road. They've had an event recently with a talk on Feminist theology and the vicar seems to really care about climate change. I will try and go there soon! :)

Yes of course

This would be the case in all churches I have ever been to. I can't imagine a church ever checking to be honest.

Some churches are part of a movement called 'Inclusive Church'. They are places which actively welcome people regardless of disability, gender, sexuality etc.

Your kids will be welcomed anywhere whether baptised or not, and the suggestion to try out a few to see where you feel comfortable is a good one.

Unfortunately, from my point of view, a lot of the big evangelical churches with lots of kids and young people have a theological view which is problematic in terms of inclusiveness, and they aren't upfront about it because they don't want all those young families to go elsewhere.

Ah... I see you have discovered Inclusive Church!

Thank you. Yes there is a church in the city centre where lots of acquaintances go with their children but I heard from another parent that the church is homophobic (their words, not mine). This surprised me as I thought the acquaintances were quite liberal.

My colleague attends Little St Mary's and says there's a good community there. I can't imagine her going anywhere that wasn't accepting of different lifestyles, but I haven't discussed it with her.

Just to add that a bigger church doesn't always mean less of a community feel. While not every member of a big church will end up as a bosom buddy and you might not know everyone, the bigger churches also tend to have a good selection of smaller groups (often called homegroups) where you can find real community or fellowship. So just saying perhaps don't write off a church because it feels too big at first.

Also, you will absolutely definitely find things about every church that you don't like. Some weeks the music is cringe, some sermons are dull, one of the staff makes you want to stab them in the eyes (joking obviously!). But that's because the church is a collection of fallible humans that make mistakes, are annoying or think differently to you. Most of all, the important thing is to find a place where you can draw nearer to God, despite all of the faults of the people who are trying to do the same thing.

Have a look at St Andrew's Chesterton too

Thank you that is helpful, I think going to Great St Mary's felt a little impersonal, maybe because there are lots of tourists and it's quite a "slick" operation! I loved the services though.

Oh wow, I instinctively LOVE this from the copy on their website. Very welcoming. I like that they have a section for new people and lots of children's activities. :)

Well, I know where I am going next! Thank you!

I'm so glad I could help!
Yeah if you're looking primarily for CofE churches you might not be interested in the United Reformed Church, but it is a pretty progressive denomination overall (gay marriage is allowed on a church by church basis, for example) and has a very democratic structure (presbyterian) which is interesting as a concept even if it's not the denomination for you

There can sometimes be a kind of cognitive dissonance between what people do and think in their every day lives, and what they accept in church. That might be because they think they can put up with misogynistic or homophobic preaching for the sake of a community or worship style they enjoy, or it might be because in the day to day life of the church gay people and women preachers simply aren't mentioned and so, especially in a bigger church, people don't necessarily realise if the church leadership is involved in campaigning against more progressive church movements. That's what Honest Church is about, because it can be hard to tell, especially if you aren't fluent in the "churchspeak" that tells you what they think.