Any Buddhist MNers

[MargoLivebetter]

I was baptised a Catholic and raised as one. I was always fairly horrified by it, even as a little girl, despite the best efforts of my family and schools to ensure I believed. I would just add here that I don't have any issue with people who are Catholics or any other religion. We are all on our own paths and I'm fine with whatever other people want to believe, as long as it doesn't infringe on me or anyone else trying to follow their own path.

I lapsed in my early-20s and became a fully fledged atheist at some point. Whilst I don't believe in gods or any of the monolithic type faiths or ghosts, spirits, angels or those kind of things, I do believe our consciousness makes us more than just reproducing animals. It gives us an awareness of the universe, our sense of existence and our ability to have a purpose other than just perpetuating the species biologically.

I've explored around the edges of Buddhism for years and I become increasingly drawn to it. It doesn't seem much discussed here on MN though and I wondered if there were any Buddhists about?

You learn what you are by unlearning what they taught you to be.

Buddhism is a stepping stone that is resonating with you at this moment. Follow the resonation, it will lead to other stepping stones.....

Hi, OP, I’m a Theravada Buddhist. What would you like to know? 🙋🏼‍♀️

Hi @Ironfloor269 there is so much to understand. One of the things I am trying to get my head around is how Buddhists deal with anxiety. I get the sense that many of the teachers don't have children and I wonder how Buddhists deal with all the worry that seems to come with having children. Mine are fully grown too but I don't know how to let go of my anxiety for them, about them etc. I know it is to do with wants and fears but I can't quite work out how to let it go where they are concerned.

Buddhism is all about detachment. At least that’s what I understand. You are the vehicle to bring your children into this world but they are not yours, you have no ownership of them. You do your duty as a parent in bringing them up but you mustn’t feel attached to them IFYWIM. Buddhism is all about detachment, that’s what will get to your ultimate destination which is Nirvana.

it is really, really hard, I know. But the more you practise it, the better you get. Gautam Siddartha left his family on the day of the birth of his son, in search of eternal salvation. He was able to do this because he was not attached to anyone. It seems harsh but that’s just the truth.

Apologies if I'm not explaining myself well. English is only my second language 😊

Thank you for explaining that @Ironfloor269 . I do struggle with this aspect. If we can walk away from anything because we are detached, then life is easy.

I understand that it is not good to attach to material things, but it is surely important for children to have secure attachments to reliable adults in their lives and they can't do that unless the adult is also attached to them?

You'll come to realise that No happening affects your Real being and that is the absolute truth.

@Mysticguru if no happening affects our real being, then what is life about?

Raised Buddhist and I have never really been able to accept the family abandonment aspect.

Also have found a lot of compassion is preached by people who show little in real life practical ways.

I am not a Buddhist.

My son is.

I have had quite severe issues with anxiety.

He has explained to me (and seems to be correct) that most anxiety is worry about things that will not happen. So the best thing to do is to encourage your mind to be in the moment of what it is doing right now.

To do the washing up concentrating on cleaning each cup well and the sensation of water etc.

It is surprisingly difficult to remain in the moment - or at least for me it is! I also don't know how you can always be in the moment and plan holidays, your work schedule, your social life, paying your bills etc. All of these things require you to not be in the moment, but plan ahead. I don't know how that works.

I did say that "you'll come to realise".

I also like a lot of aspects of Buddhism but find some of their teachings about being free of attachment and suffering to be unrealistic. In the East, Buddhism is often practiced simultaneously with Taoism, Shinto, and local folk religion and I find the idea of a multiplicity of different belief systems quite interesting.

That's interesting @Colinfromaccounts . I guess everyone is looking for guidance that resonates in some way.

Living in the moment means just that.

Make the appointment, pay the bill, plan the holiday and then forget about it. If you constantly project into the future it will cause anxiety.

For example the dentist appointment. The appointment is made and then you constantly think about the appointment, Will I need fillings, will I need treatment, how much will it cost? All of which is your imagination creating an illusory scenario, none of which is either True or Real but you attach to those imaginary thoughts and you believe it to be real and therefore create anxiety within you.

Buddhism will teach you mindful meditation so that you become adept at watching thought and not attaching to thought therefore becoming the witness to thought.

You will also learn to discern between practical thought and psychological thought. One is needed to operate in this world the other isn't.

Perhaps a look at non duality teachings

@Mysticguru that is a really helpful distinction between practical forward planning which can't be in the moment and my thoughts creating forward scenarios that don't exist and then worrying about them.

Not a Buddhist but have studied with many of them. For me it’s less about detachment and more about acceptance that the ‘right’ things will happen and worrying about them now won’t change anything. I no longer keep trying to control the future and focus on doing the best I can now (with varying levels of success, not going to lie about that !).
its wonderfully liberating

edited: pp explains it better. I still do practical things for the future (like savings for big purchases etc) but no longer second guess constantly, I’m saving for this but what if the car breaks and I need to replace the boiler etc. if any of those things happen I’ll deal with them but worrying about them now will make no difference

I get that to some extent @HidingFromDD . So I can see how that is very helpful with regards to things happening in the moment. I can see how it greatly reduces over-reaction and reactivity issues.

However, how does that work when other people are not doing things that they are supposed to be doing? I project manage for a living and I think I'd be out of a job if I didn't try to direct action to achieve a favourable future outcome.

I also wonder what I would have happened if I'd just accepted the various doctors lack of diagnosis of my son's medical condition (over 10 years) and hadn't endlessly worried about it and researched and chased up appointments and specialists until we finally got a diagnosis and desperately needed treatment of his rare bowel disorder.

Sorry for all the questions and wonderings!

What you did wrt your son is absolutely the right thing. He needed the diagnosis to get the right treatment and you did just that. However, if you didn’t just do the practicalities of chasing doctors, getting appointments and instead worried about the outcome, then that would’ve served no purpose, right? That’s what Buddhism opens your eyes to. You do the needful but don’t dwell on it or worry about it. That’s what living in the present is.

I have been practicing a Japanese branch of Buddhism for 13 years now. Read A Buddha in Your Mirror book and never looked back. The original Shakyamuni Buddha taught for over 40 years hence many different schools of Buddhism. However in the last 8 years of his lives he only taught one sutra, the Lotus Sutra. Its premise is that everyone, absolutely every is capable of obtaining enlightenment, a life free of fear, greed and anger. It has really helped in all areas of my life, from personal to professional. I chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo twice daily and attend local Buddhist meetings whenever I can. There are around 20 000 of Nichiren Buddhists in the UK, there's a good chance of a local group where you live. More on philosophy and contact details is on SGI-UK website

https://sgi-uk.org/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/BUDDHA-YOUR-MIRROR-Practical-Buddhism/dp/0967469783

@Ironfloor269 I do see what you are saying. The only thing is, I think it was the worry that drove me to take action.

Thank you for the recommendation @Kosenrufugirl . I'm going to get that book.

I'm really enjoying the YouTube content from Buddhist Lab Notes. Very good talks.

I practiced an obscure form of Japanese Buddhism for many years and received a preliminary ordination. But left (Western polytheism is more to my taste).
Colin is absolutely correct, born Japanese Buddhists worship and pray to many gods, Shinto and Buddhis,t for good things like good exam grades, health , a good life, a good rebirth.. They believe in ghosts and spirits too, just not a creator god. They also don't have this concept of 'sin.' So that's important.
The 'atheist' Buddhism is Western. Now to help you with detachment. I love my family and there is no way I want to be 'detached' from them.

But cultivating meditation (there are many forms) is very very helpful in getting control of your emotions. So let's say a loved one is having a heart attack or in the hospital. Due to your practice you are able to detach from your emotions and use your intellect to do what is best in the moment
Or lets say you are just worrying, "what ifs"...spiralling.into unecessary anxiety. Meditation techniques will help you to cut off the spiral, like a sharp knife. It is great that way and seems to be what you need.

So take a course, Samatha-Vipassana...continue to love your children and learn to control your emotions.

Thank you @Sorciere1. That is really helpful and interesting. Another aspect for me to investigate.