DD wants to be christened

[Halo2024]

I may sound a little silly and these are probably very simply questions for those who are religious, but I’d like some advice about christening DD.

I’m non-religious, however DD, who is nearly 7, learns about religion at school (learning about the meaning of easter and Christmas). After winning an award at school for her knowledge around Easter and the meaning, we spoke a little bit about visiting church and what a christening is (which I probably didn’t explain v well). Btw, she often brings home library books with biblical stories and often reads an Easter story her Nan bought her, she’s told me for around a year that she loves Jesus, so I think perhaps I could do more to help her explore religion for herself.

She’d like to get christened, but I don’t really know where to start. Do I have to be christened too? Do we have to attend weekly church sessions? How does it all work and what are my first steps? I’m also conscious I’m an atheist, so I’m not sure how that’s seen in the eyes of the church.

My apologies, I’ve probably used a lot of the wrong terminology and thank you in advance for any help.

Is it a C of E school OP?

The idea that she loves Jesus won’t be something she came up with herself, and it would be beyond the scope of basic education about different kinds of religions.

if the kids are being taught to be Christian that’s something the parents should know about.

But if it doesn’t bother you, contact your local C of E, they’ll have a Sunday School they’d be happy to have her at and when she’s a bit older she can be Christened. As you aren’t raising her in a faith off your own bat, I’d guess they’ll feel she’s too young to choose to be Christened right now, but probably OK in a couple years.

I would leave it until she is a lot older and see if she still loves Jesus. Young kids are easily influenced by teacher input.

Thanks, this is helpful to know. She doesn’t go to a C of E school, they read/speak about Jesus through the lens of Christmas and Easter over the years, and she has really liked the stories. But I think you make a good point about waiting a few years to see how her faith develops, especially as we don’t create that environment at home.

Yes, very good point.

I would suggest starting off by phoning or emailing your local vicar. I had what our church called an "infant baptism" when I was 8 but I told my parents that they couldn't make the promises on my behalf, only for my younger sisters because I was making the promises myself. My son had a "full immersion baptism" when he was 10 but he also has learning disabilities so his understanding is probably similar to your dd.

It's not that common but some young children are just naturally quite religious even if their parents aren't at all. I was like that. I went to church on my own from about 8. I think it's great that you are supporting her. The obvious thing to do would be to take her to church -- ideally the main or "family" service which is likely to have some sort of provision for children though churches vary a lot in how this is organised. You could try a few different ones if you have several nearby.

I was your daughter at that age. Desperately wanted to be christened despite not being brought up in a church-going household. I chose to read Bible stories and studying religion came very easily to me at school. My parents would not let me be christened as a child so I waited until I was an adult and went about it myself.

I wish they had let me be christened when I asked as a child. I was absolutely sure what I wanted then and that never changed. It would have given me a place where I belonged when I went through some quite turbulent teenage years. I needed a faith, a church. I sometimes think my life may have turned out differently had I been christened at seven years old rather than waiting until my 20s. I knew what I wanted.

I think my parents were worried that it would mean they would have to attend church with me but in reality they could have dropped me off at a Sunday school and left me to it.

Your daughter can still change her mind as an adult. You can change religion. You can decide not to follow it or decide you don’t believe. By having me christened my parents would have been giving me a choice. By not having me christened they didn’t.

I was a bit like this. I went to church with Brownies, my parents weren't religious. I got really involved and had confirmation classes (although was never baptised). I loved the bible classes and Sunday school and became an alter server. In the end I stopped as I basically found I was not satisfied with the level of theological discussion. I didn't go back to church except briefly when my kids were small and I was considering sending them to a c of e school, however I've remained deeply religious in my own way and I read a lot of theology and philosophy. Prayer and meditation are central to my life.

If she waits until she is about 12, she can take herself to baptism. Before that, the CoE baptises young children of believing parents.

Definitely wait till she is older. Mine went through a similar phase, though I think she might have been a bit younger than yours and I did think about taking her to church etc. It was very short lived, and now she is the most vocal atheist you could ever meet!

My experience of the Church of England is that they'll welcome you whether you're atheist or not and that you don't need to be baptised to attend anything, or even to take communion. Bums on seats and a bit of money in the collection mean a lot to them as congregations are dwindling in most churches. But that aside you'd be seen as having made the right choice to bring your daughter and that would be respected whatever your personal beliefs are

A christening is the parents promising to bring the child up in the faith.

She would be looking at confirmation or baptism which she is a little young for. I would find out about your local Sunday schools and enable her to attend.

I am an ardent atheist, but I always told my child if she wanted to explore any religion, I would help facilitate.

I would investigate local churches of the type she is interested in and make sure you find one that meets your family ethos with regards to general ethics of non-discrimination and inclusion. Then I would try attending with her. This may be a good time to explore some other religions as well so she can see other options.

If she is still interested in being christened, talk to the clergy.

Your local church is likely to have a Sunday children's session and you could certainly drop her there so she could understand her faith leanings a bit more.
Can't see it doing any harm.

You don't sound silly at all asking about christening and I hope I can help you get the ball rolling for your daughter.

My DD arranged her own christening into the Church of England when she went to university three years ago. In a way, she was following in my footsteps as I was christened into the C of E when I was 16 (my decision) and confirmed the day after. I have intermittently worshipped and taken communion ever since in Protestant and Catholic churches in the UK and mainland Europe, taking her with me since she was very small, and lighting candles with her to remember and talk about people close to us who have died. She is now an active and committed member of the international Protestant Church in the country where she is spending a year as part of her degree.

Your daughter is still a child and you are not christened so there are similarities and differences between our situations. In your shoes, I would look at the websites of local churches and talk to your daughter about what worship and other activities they offer for children. You will need to think a little bit about the different 'branches' of Christianity - principally (in the England) Church of England (Protestant and the established church, with the monarch as its head), Methodism (Protestant but non-conformist because it is not part of tge established church), and Catholicism (the church of Rome and the original Christian church).

Another consideration is about degrees of formality and informality - eg in the C of E following an order of service with the whole congregation versus children being taken aside for part of the service for an activity such as singing songs about Jesus and the bible, making seasonal items such as a crib or Christingle; a choir singing set pieces and also leading the singing of hymns, psalms and plainsong versus lots of singing to live music led by members of the congregation.

Then I would go with her to a Sunday service in the church or churches that your daughter and you think she would enjoy - two or three is probably enough. Most are at 10.30am and last for about an hour. Churches are always welcoming to newcomers and certainly don't ask if you are baptised or confirmed.

If you go to a service where Holy Communion is offered (in Protestant churches, the taking of bread and wine by members of the congregation in memory of Christ's sacrifice upon the cross, in Catholic churches usually just the bread), you can remain in your pew or take up the invitation to kneel alongside the communicants to receive a blessing, keeping your hands below the altar rail so the officiant knows not to offer you the bread and wine.

At the end of the service, when the vicar/minister is saying goodbye to people at the door or if there is the opportunity to stay for coffee, you can ask to have a word about baptism for your daughter and what preparation she will need to make.

Could you also ask around at school to see if there are families who attend local churches and could introduce you?

Your question about whether you need to be baptised for her to be baptised is an interesting one. I think it unlikely as you would be being asked to profess a faith which you don't have.

Please ask me more questions if you wish and I will do my best to answer 😊

I don't believe that in waiting to see if she grows out of it you'll be 'protecting her from religion' or any such thing, if she grows out of it then it won't matter whether she's been christened or not, she can simply stop going to church.

In fact, even being christened doesn't mean she has to attend church regularly. Most christened people don't.

I really think she should wait until she’s at least 10+. 7 year olds are still very young, especially if school have told her about Christianity and that’s where she’s got the idea from.

You won't have to get christened, a lot of children get christened. I did as a baby, it is confirmation when you then decide to commit to faith.

There are so many different churches within Christianity so if she did, you might want to make sure you get the one you would feel most comfortable in.

Even in COE all vicars are different and have different beliefs within the faith.

Our vicar is lovely, she is very quirky and actually married to a pagan. Completely open minded embraces everyone and their individuality. I was confirmed, (bit different then christened) but where she felt a child was forced into it she would refuse as it can't be coerced. So i would really look into it first where you go as like anything, some can be way too intense.

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to respond, it’s very helpful. I think I’ll sit with my daughter over the next few days and perhaps see if she would like to visit our local church, sounds like that will be the best place to start. I also ordered a children’s first bible so she’s got some support at home.

Also, your personal stories are very touching and I appreciate you sharing them here, so thank you again x

Brilliant and wonderful that you are so supportive of your DD. Visit a local church on sunday and just ask the vicar/ priest /pastor. They will be more than happy to discuss - all Christian churches approach the subject of Baptism differently.

That sounds like a great plan @Halo2024 You are opening a door for her which can only ever be a good thing! Wishing you and your daughter well.

There has been some very slight misinformation on this thread re Baptism and Confirmation in the CofE. To clarify with the information taken from the CofE website.
You will need to be baptized before you are confirmed. If you were not baptized as a child and want to make a commitment of faith, you can be baptized and confirmed in the same service, or baptized at a separate service shortly before your confirmation. You should discuss this with your vicar

I've been to several CofE services where people have been baptised and confirmed at the same service.

A baptism is a Christening. It can be done at any age. She can't be confirmed without being baptised first.

Your daughter sounds just like me when I was that age. When I heard the stories they meant a great deal to me. I'm in my fifties now and I still remember how I found my faith. My family never had any religious background and I wish they'd been more supportive of my wish to attend church, even now it's something they find amusing that I go to church. I would contact your local church and explain the situation, I'm sure they will be very welcoming to your daughter, I know we would be at ours. My faith has ebbed and flowed over the years but it has always been present and I still remember those early years and the wonder and calmness I felt.

@Toddlerteaplease i was confirmed (cofe) without having been baptised. I didn't lie about it, no one asked me.