@Sleepmoreplease to continue, I think in summary the second part of your post is asking why I came to my position? Have atheists been rude to me, well yes, but do have Christian’s, so have Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus etc. The only way I set myself apart from atheists is that I believe in a higher power they don’t (because that is their only unifying factor). Do I find it hard to let go of conventional beliefs? No not really. My beliefs are only really tied to say Christianity in that it is an expression of a perennial philosophy which I believe permeates through all religions and spiritual belief systems. Because I grew up in a largely Christian (at least culturally) it is the language I use to express those things. The Christian story is the one o have most knowledge of so it’s easier to navigate round those themes. Does that make me a Christian - not in any orthodox sense.
Like most people with a sense of spirituality it’s a journey, I have been Christian (CofE) in a catholic school, I have had mediums, faith healers, tea total Methodists, baptists, CofE regular church goers in the close family. I have been a teenage agnostic, a teenage atheist as I explored my inner world. Eventually you find home and it’s a home I share with Christians, Muslims, Jews, agnostics, followers of Egyptian, Greek and Norse mythology, atheistic Satanists, theistic Satanists and Lucifarians, plain common garden atheists. Interestingly I have never, ever seen this cause an issue in that world (there’s lots of other ones😀). So no, I don’t think either of your speculations have any weight. It’s a matter of exploration and finding that home.