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Original poster

Christian returning to church... may I chew the fat (so to speak!) with fellow Christians?

18 replies

Alambil · 24/03/2008 15:36

Ok so here's the (brief) story...

I am a Christian and have been since choosing to be at the age of 7. At age 20 I had a severe problem with my (informal C of E) church leadership team and haven't been back since (I am 25 now).

I want DS to learn about Christianity. I miss going and being in a church. I want friends. I want DS to have friends...

I used to go to "happy clappy" type churches (look for Hillsong or Soul Survivor on Youtube to give an idea!) and my local church is a normal C of E with church bells and everything!

Would I get on there? Would the change of structure and the fact that the verger/vicar etc have people above them (as in bishops etc... can't remember proper names) help as the issue with my last church was with the pastor and there wasn't anyone above them to take my issues to.

Does that make sense? Basically, I'm asking - would someone who is used to VERY loud/lively and informal church get on in a proper (as in hymns/prayers from a book type service) C of E environment?

OP posts:

AnotherFineMess · 24/03/2008 15:49

My first feeling, based on my own experiences, is that a lot of your enjoyment/satisfaction there will depend on the provision of children's work. If your DS is welcomed, well-cared for and happy to go out of the service into whatever is provided for him then you'll get the opportunity to see for yourself if you like the change in style.

If he isn't, you'll have him in the service with you and if he's anything like mine, you won't then get much chance for any kind of divine reflection, more divine distraction!

Can you go for a couple of weeks and sit at the back, or would you turning up there prompt full-on welcoming operations?

Podmog · 24/03/2008 15:50

Message withdrawn

Podmog · 24/03/2008 15:51

Message withdrawn

AnotherFineMess · 24/03/2008 15:53

Great minds podmog, great minds...

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:01

I may go on Sunday and see what happens. I've met the vicar before and he is a lovely, young-ish bloke who seems really friendly.

TBH I've tried other denominations and it just didn't work! Our family has a bad history with one of the main church streams in town (which is non-denom) but they have gossiped amongst themselves so if I'm recognised in any of the churches, I'll be judged automatically.

I feel this way, that going to the church at the end of my street and it not having been "in the loop" of gossip will be a true fresh start... who knows?

If DS doesn't get on in the sunday school straight away, he is very good at being quiet etc and I can take colouring for him to do at the back whilst he settles in. A lot of his friends from school go to church so they may even be at this particular one (I'm not brave enough to ask the parents which church they go to!)

OP posts:

AnotherFineMess · 24/03/2008 16:06

Well liking the vicar is a great start. I think it's really lovely to be able to attend a church that is close to your home too, particularly if the rest of the congregation also live fairly locally. I love the sense of community it brings when you know people in the streets around you.

Do you work OTH? If not, are there any mid-week groups you can take DS to so that you can boh meet more children/parents? Always seems to make that first walk into the church on a Sunday a bit easier if there's a friendly face you can seek out?

ScienceTeacher · 24/03/2008 16:09

You do get happy clappy CofE churches too.

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:10

I will know some people there already (family friends) so won't be a total fish lost at sea but DS is in school and I am soon going to be starting my teacher training so will be OTH soon come September. I am not sure what other midweek stuff they have going on other than mums n tots so may find that difficult to begin with.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:11

oops far too many uses of the word "soon" just then!

OP posts:

JingleyJen · 24/03/2008 16:13

Hi Lewis,
I too am returning to church after a long gap. We have a new curate at the church and he and his wife have a daughter the same age as my DS2

I have started attending for family services to start with although as yet they are not very family friendly, the curate is trying to encourage more families into the church.

I have had my fingers burned before with church and trusting people who I thought were "good people" who turned out not to be, so I am being quite tentative with this.

We went yesterday and the service was lovely and the childrens church section was brilliant DH and the DS's went to that bit.

I hope you have a good experience with your local church as to be in the community can be very special.

totalmisfit · 24/03/2008 16:20

all the gossiping doesn't sound v christian imo, you're probably best out of it!

I've been in a similar kind of quandry to you, Lewisfan, in that i've felt a bit underwhelmed with both the 'happy clappy' and local c of e churches i've been visiting. i think it's hard at our age, (i'm nearly 27) to find your 'niche' in terms of churches. not sure why, but if your local vicar is young-ish and seems friendly it's definitely worth giving it a go. It'll probably take a bit of adjusting to (it did for me) but you sound as though you might appreciate the more cerebral approach of the C of E?

Niecie · 24/03/2008 16:35

I would agree that it helps to look around.

I go to a C of E church which is lively and young. It does hymns and prayers from a book but the hymns are just as likely to have been written in the last 10 years as they are to be traditional and the prayers are as likely to be lead by a member of the youth group as they are one of the curates (we don't have our new vicar yet). You can get churches that are a mixture of the traditional C of E and the more modern.

The key is to find a Sunday school. We tried one other church when we were looking 3 years ago and although they were so pleased to see us and promised all sorts of child friendly activities for the boys they only had one or two other children coming occasionally and we just felt out of place.

Your DS is definitely the key. If he is happy, then you can be happy there too.

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:39

misfit you are right - having left the church, we've realised just how UNchristian they were in many aspects!

It's not so much the cerebral aspects that are appealing but the fact that if I have a problem with the leadership (vicar), there will be someone above him whom I could take such problems to (the issue with my last church was them taking the side of my abusive husband over me - and then telling me that they wouldn't enter in to the argument... but were constantly helping him through court etc) - I just don't want to go somewhere that isn't accountable for their actions.

I don't mind the worship group as opposed to choir or

I will try it - it's only a 10 min walk (at the end of my road and down a bit!) so not like it's far if we want to come home early lol

OP posts:

Peachy · 24/03/2008 16:44

I've also returned to Chrsitianity fairly recently.

My experience is that the Church building isn't what matters.... I fell out of love with my last Church becuase of the attitudes of the vicarm, in aprticular to my children and their SN (ds1 was told for a tic in the ,middle of a service).

however, through Uni I got to know the local Vicar wella she was a lecturer. he came across at first as a bit of a stuffed shirt tbh, so although I attended special services Is kipped the rest- that ap[rticualr Church is a natural for me as it is practically next door. The mroe I have got to know him though the nicer I relaise he is, for his age (he's 60) he's extremely liberal (as am I so that's handy!), has a wealth of experience which he uses daily (his first job as an ordained Vicar was at the Aberfan disaster and he is excellent with bereavement now). He is going to baptise myself, ds3 (had a Humanist naming ceremony) and due-any-day ds4 together and I now feel very welcome and enjoy that Church.

Sorry did that make anys ense or is it preggy brain waffle?

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:47

oops I meant to delete that unfinished sentence because it wasn't making sense...!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 24/03/2008 16:48

All you can do is try it and see, and then look further afield if it's not quite right. I think I would struggle with a formal CofE but if I got to know people who were spiritually along the right track then that would make all the difference IYSWIM?

Original poster

Alambil · 24/03/2008 16:49

Makes perfect sense Peachy... I hope your baptisms go well

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Peachy · 24/03/2008 16:51

The locl evanglelist church is far more uptight than our CofW (Wales). The pastor is a friend but she's very anti_islam, anti- anything really and I find it grates (esp. as she dismisses any input I have on Islam etc when she won't even touch a Qur'an and I have - shock- read it!)

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