Unhappy about Dd fasting for lent

[JamNittyGritty]

Dd 13, has recently become interested in religion and has decided she is Christian / Catholic. Rest of us are not religious.

i have been trying to be supportive, bought her a bible, talked openly etc.

However she has now decided to fast for lent, not just give up something like most do, but fully fast except for water from sunrise to sunset. I have explained that it’s not necessary and many people choose to give something up and full fast is not required as an expression of faith, but she is adamant.

I am really uncomfortable with this - first she’s only 13, she small and slim and can’t afford to lose weight, she went through a phase of highly restrictive eating / eating disorder about a year ago that lasted a few months and i just think kids need to eat! She is currently on her period and I know in Islam women don’t fast during Ramadan on their period but she’s still going to fast.

Am I being unsupportive and unreasonable? Can anyone who is Christian please help me guide her / share info that I can discuss with her so that she does a less restrictive fast?

I am really quite stressed about this!

Apologies, it did come across quite strong in hindsight

This.
Even the most devout catholics do not do this.

That's ok! Let's hope that 2024 IS in fact, your year! 😊

Are we trying to help this young person constructively, or using this thread to bash others’ beliefs?

You may not believe this. I may not believe this. Many do, and it undermines any religious argument for this.

I think everyone here is in agreement that this is an ED issue, and not a religious one.

I am Catholic.

We abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Many Catholics will "give up" something for Lent - perhaps chocolate, sweets, alcohol. It is often linked with charitable donations - so the money you save on chocolate or whatever is donated to a Catholic charity. We have a Lenten box in our home and at the end of Lent we will return the box to our local church supporting donation to a national charitable organisation which aids developing countries, often specifically for education of children or feeding families in poverty.

However, in this modern age, "Lent is what you do". So, actively choosing to do something that benefits others. Definitely requires more thought and effort. Encourage your daughter to volunteer to help others.

Thank you again for all your insight - both in terms of faith and ED.
She does have Muslim friends who fast for Ramadan and I do think there is some confusion here.

We have had a big discussion a little while ago where I went back over my concerns and restated this is not an expectation of the church or God or something That Christian / Catholics do. But she is stubborn and difficult and reasoning is not something she engages with when she has dug her heels in.

I have said I am happy to look at all the ways Christian’s observe lent and to support her with finding a way forward, going to church and have suggested a Sunday fast, but that I cannot move from my stance on daily fast - all met with stony silence.

I have got her to agree to eat soup and bread for lunch today (she does a sport and I have refused to let her do it if she doesn’t eat).

I don't think you should agree to fasting at all if she's underweight. I also wouldn't let her exercise if she's not eating enough calories a day. Anorexia is an evil disease that makes the sufferer try to deceive their loved ones. Your dd has not recovered and would really benefit from more professional help with her ED. Has she started her period yet or have they stopped? Anorexia is really dangerous for children who have barely started puberty.

I'd bet your dd doesn't eat at school so you might have to take her out at lunch time until she is a healthy weight.

I grew up around catholics. Chocolate, meat and alcohol - chocolate for children/teenagers and meat and alcohol for adults - were the ones I mostly saw people giving up for lent. I don't remember any notable fasting except possibly on a couple of days for specific reasons.

Also agree that she can't do sport if she hasn't eaten - it's not healthy. My muslim friend's son has chosen to fast the two few years (he's 18 now) but as a result he's not allowed to play sport at school even though he plays on his school's first team (decision of the coach).

Those under 18 are not bound to fast in Catholicism. I have a son who comes to mass with me and is 16. He didn’t fast yesterday (Ash Wednesday). He went out for the day w his Dad and I encouraged him to eat and drink normally. He didn’t eat meat as he was abstaining.
I hope you can find some treatment for your daughters ED. But even if she is Catholic - and this would be if she has been baptized and received her 1st holy communion she absolutely should not be fasting.

I've lived in an Islamic country and the whole ethos of Muslim fasting at Ramadan vs Christian fasting at Lent is wholly different. In Muslim cultures, it's more akin to our Christmas period - a time of feasting, albeit from sunset to sunrise, with the discipline of abstaining during daylight hours. Ramadan is about feasting during those hours, which can be very lavish, but with lots of charitableness and hospitality. Whereas Christian Lent is about (traditionally) asceticism - a much plainer/quasi-vegan diet in humility and discipline to God, and donating more to charity as we're eating cheap bean/vegetable based dishes instead of meats. I think your DD needs to learn more about Catholicism and comparative religion in general. Put to her that she goes on a Tiktok/Instagram fast instead of a food one and reads her Bible, as that's (probably) her spiritual stumbling block 😁

Absolutely this. It doesn’t help that the word ‘fasting’ is now everywhere as a norm..Intermittent Fasting, Time Restricted Eating..diet this, diet that. All aimed primarily at women.

Also, Its hard enough in secondary school to get kids interested in RE so to get 4 friends all that committed that they’re fasting for Lent would make me sit up and think…

4 teenage girls all agreeing to skip meals together is ED 101, and is always going to end badly

This is her Ed talking. You need to ignore the religious element and treat it as an ED. Even if she believes she is doing this for religious reasons the ED voice is always going to find a way to justify the fast. She is teaching her body to eat less and with an extra added element of religion and competition with friends to help her resolve and justify it to herself

Someone with a history of disordered eating should never fast, it is too easy to relearn disordered habits.

And yes you should flag this to the school given 4 girls are involved

This. It's just an excuse to not have to eat in front of people (or, indeed, at all). I've done the same thing myself.

Ah yes sorry this is ED. Look out for the veggie and then vegan decision, that’s next. I hope you can get help for her

I've been a Christian all my life and have never fasted for Lent.

As others say, she is using it as a handy excuse to stop eating.

Another Catholic who is serious about her religion but doesn't fast. Ash Wednesday and Good Friday aside there's no fasting required.

Is she going to mass? Did she get ashes on her forehead at Ash Wednesday yesterday? Will she do 3 days of church from Thursday to She can't make up some fasting rule but avoid the rest of the requirements.

Definitely treat as the ED it is.

I don't let my dc give up vegetables or doing homework for lent. I explain it has to be something they don't want to give up. You have to feel the sacrifice and it sounds like she already restricts food so hear no more of food related penance.

Similarly, although I need to diet I'm careful not to use lent as a diet. I Don't want to be self serving in lenten observations.

Yes, from the Code of Canon Law:

Can. 1252 The law of abstinence binds those who have completed their fourteenth year. The law of fasting binds those who have attained their majority, until the beginning of their sixtieth year. Pastors of souls and parents are to ensure that even those who by reason of their age are not bound by the law of fasting and abstinence, are taught the true meaning of penance.

OP, perhaps coming at it from this direction may help. If she really wants to be Catholic she needs to obey the laws of the Church, not some fad on TikTok.

She’s using this as an excuse to continue her eating disorder

Def agree with the others that this isn't a required thing in Christian circles. When I was a teenager and wanted to give up something for Lent, it was usually chocolate, or biscuits, but never eating full stop. It sounds as though Lent is a convient excuse for her (and friends).
Lent is about penitance and fasting, yes, but not solely. It's also about prayer and getting closer to God. Perhaps your daughter could give up something else - tv, or social media, or intentionally spend 10 minutes a day reading the bible, or something similar?

Hi, I know you posted this awhile ago but just wondering how it’s been going and how you are handling the situation. I can understand it must be a challenge dealing with this. I’m a Muslim, and as you may know we fast once a year for 30days. I have been fasting since I was 12, I’m very petite and had a very small appetite. My son started fasting last year when he turned 12, he practiced fasting during Ramadan in the previous years over weekends. Last year was the first time he was gona fast for the whole 30 days and he was gona be in school too. I was feeling a little weary about it wasn’t sure how he was gona do. But he did it with no problem. I’d ask him everyday how he was feeling. I think as a mum we do worry it’s the most natural thing to do. You don’t tend to lose weight as long as you’re having a healthy meal when you do break your fast. I’m not too sure on the rules about lent, but does she fast for the whole 40 days? During Ramadan we fast from sunrise to sunset. So i would Makesure my son has a good healthy meal full of protein ect. During the times we are allowed to eat. In Ramadan as well as Lent, anyone with medical issues (like you’ve mentioned with her eating disorder) are exempt from fasting. Maybe you can discuss this with her, and God doesn’t want us to harm our bodies and if fasting is gona harm us and make us unwell then we must obey his decision of exempting the sick, elderly, pregnant women, young children ect.

A lot of tween and teen girls treat ticktock like their go to guide for life. There's a lot on there about Christian girls needing to veil and water fasting, so check her socials.

I would suggest that she takes on something for Lent rather than gives it up (unless she can be persuaded to give up social media instead of fasting, if that applies at all). I think nearly 6 weeks of that sort of fasting, at her age with her history, is a no-go, apart from maybe Good Friday only.

'Taking on' something could be doing a short bible reading and study every day.