Which denomination would suit me?

[BraveLight]

I changed names for this...

I'm trying out going to a Christian church again. I'm in North America (I do not wish to say where) so if I use terms that aren't local please excuse me.

I have been agnostic for years but I was raised fundamentalist Baptist and I hated every minute of it. Adolescence was a compete nightmare and it totally put me off of religion!

It only recently occurred to me that my upbringing was not the typical Christian experience and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss having a spiritual experience during Christmas and Easter so I thought maybe if I tried a more relaxed denomination maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

The thing is I don't know much about the denominations exactly.

Please I know this is a bit of a touchy subject and I don't want to start anything but I really just want to dip my toes in. I don't want anything that is very fire and brimstone because I was raised feeling like I was sleeping on a trap door over the pit of hell and if I made one wrong move I would accidentally fall in. 😰😢I had nightmares for years about hell and demons and I really can't handle a church that hyper focuses on it.

This might be asking a lot but I would be quite happy with a church that sees hell as more metaphorical maybe? Are there denominations like that?

To help narrow things down, I have been looking into Anglican, Methodist or perhaps Eastern Orthodox. It's hard to look up specific beliefs on these subjects just by googling it.

I really like structured traditional practices such as communion for example and I like more progressive churches that care about social justice and allow things like gay marriage but I don't like it when it appears to completely hijack the spiritual ceremonies. I tried one church and everything was covered in rainbows. I asked and it was not am lgbt awareness day or anything. They were like that all the time and it was really strange to me. It was like a unicorn vomited on the altar.

So basically TLDR I'm looking for a church that:

1. Has softer views on hell and punishment
2. Is progressive and open to gay marriage and lgbt community but not obcessed to the point that it takes over.
3. Preferably ceremonial and holds communion.
4. I would prefer to stay away from churches that speak in tongues. (No offense that's just not my thing.)

There are some other things but I can't think of them off the top of my head. Maybe it would be easier to ask if there is a website I can go to to get the right information?

You need to move to England! :-)

Try a few of your Episcopal churches. They come under the Anglican Communion umbrella. They will vary quite a lot, even so, but by looking at their individual church websites you should get a feel for them. Visit ones that are within the distance you would be happy to travel each week. Or get in touch with the minister and discuss it. He/she should be able to point you in the right direction.

I would go to an Episcopalian church (I think this is the US Anglican church?) in your shoes as they're definitely not the fundamentalist/ mega church/ speaking in tongues type, and they have the more traditional liturgy and Communion. Generally more progressive as well but that may vary depending on where specifically you go. You probably do find some extremes in both directions.

I think Eastern Orthodox is beautiful but there's something of a fashion in the US among what I would describe as 'conservative hipsters' to convert to Orthodox and be quite aggressively 'Trad' to the point where it becomes another type of fundamentalism IMO. To me it looks more like they're cosplaying and showing off a type of spiritual 'superiority'. I believe there are some doctrinal differences in Eastern Orthodox too but I haven't studied that in any depth.

Methodists are quite close to Anglicans so that could be a good option too. My experience with Methodists has been really positive but that's obviously anecdotal! More what we call 'low' church maybe and not sure where they tend to stand on social issues; I think they place an emphasis on service and charity but whether they're accepting of gay marriage etc I just don't know, and it probably varies.

Episcopal, Methodist or ELCA. I would go to a few services for the different denominations and stick around for coffee hour, and see where you feel at home. Do this rather than trying to narrow it down too much by the theory of which denomination suits you on paper or online, if you see what I mean. I believe God guides us to the community we are supposed to be in at any particular point in time. And within any denomination, individual churches and congregations vary quite widely.

I am reading this novel set somewhere that sounds like the environment you grew up in. I do not think it the novel is as great as the reviews say but maybe that is because I never lived the American Evangelical thing. You might find solace to find you’re not alone.

There is also the Naked Pastor cartoons some of which are charming. I like this one the best.

Thank you everyone. Your input was very helpful. And I thank you @erinaceus for sharing your feelings and artwork. It has given me a lot to think about. That book description is scary accurate. I feel a little called out by it actually. 😂 I am gonna order that on amazon this weekend!

You want what would come under High Anglican. So Episcopal in the US but I assume there is a wide variety of Episcopalian traditions there as there is in the CofE.

@DappledThings High Anglican? What other types of Anglican churches are there? Not trying to be funny I know I worded that a bit strange. 😂

I know it sounds pejorative but it really isn't! High and Low Anglican is a thing. Basically High is much closer to Roman Catholic, Low is closer to other protestant denominations like Methodism, Presbyterians etc.

You could try a Presbyterian church as well, equivalent of the Church of Scotland in the UK.

Again, each church will be different in terms of how liberal they are, but the people I know in the US who go to these churches aren't fire and brimstone types and are definitely LGBT inclusive in their lives.

That is a good description. My grandad (who was a vicar) called high church 'bells and smells' (more likely to use incense, sing the intercessions rather than speak responses etc.
My Anglican Church is so friendly. My dear friend is the vicar, and sometimes she gets something wrong, has a good giggle at herself and gives anyone who wants one a big hug after mass. Yet at the city Cathedral you would never get that.

I hope you find something that fits in with your own world view. Just be mindful that any denomination will be led by failed and sinful human beings and so any expression of church can criticised. All human beings who are church leaders will be under greater scrutiny to live by the words they preach and by using their own words/thoughts to not lead people away from God's Word. James 3:1.

Methodism fits the bill.
The Methodist synod voted to accept gay marriage a couple of years ago.
I’m not sure what American Methodist services are like but, here in the UK, they are mostly traditional and fit your description.

Okay. Bye.

You're disgusting.

@adiposegirl2 I understand what you are trying to say, but you are going about it in the worst way and without kindness.

@LasPlagas No need to resort to insults.

@BraveLight Finding the right church for you will take prayer and the Lord's leading with a bit of trial and error thrown in. If you are genuinely looking, the Lord will guide you. I laughed out loud at the unicorn vomit comment. 😂 When I was much younger, I visited a 'tongues' church, and honestly it terrified me! 😱I thought I was in a horror movie and was expecting some being to manifest at the altar!

Finding a church can be a minefield - but there are good ones out there. I am sorry your experience in the Baptist church was so horrible. I have experienced two Baptist churches - one was a hellfire one (that didn't last long) but the other was a really friendly one which helped me to grow spiritually. That is why I don't get hung up on denominations - for me biblical truth is more important than denominations. Even within denominations, it can vary widely. Those with biblical doctrine in the US are usually (and ironically) non-denominational, but there are also Reformed churches and dare I use the words 'Southern Baptist'?!! But just because the church has a certain denominational title doesn't make it automatically right - you have to go and see for yourself.

I was curious about your list and sorry to be contrary but what church to look for comes down to your view of scriptural truth and whether you think the Bible is the final authority of truth or whether you want a church to conform to what you want to believe - because you have your own idea of what is true and an idea of what you want the Bible to say (either way you can find a church to suit you).

It comes down to a high view or low view of scriptural truth. Methodists and Episcopalians tend to have a 'low view' of scriptural truth. Reformed and Baptists have a 'high view' of scriptural truth. I am sure there is every flavour in between.

I pray you find your way and get led to a good church that can help you grow in Christ.

Insults? Like putting marriage in scare quotes isn't insulting and calling equal marriage the doctrine of the devil isn't insulting?

Honophobia is disgusting.

I think a church should be a place where people feel loved. Otherwise why would they want to be there.

This song can serve as a warning to how bad things can get when there is an absence of love.

I agree with those who say not to get too hung up on denominations as individual churches in the same denomination can be very different from each other. Look at the websites for a churches near you, try a few, and see where you feel comfortable.

If you are in the US then the United Church of Christ is an option. If you are in Canada then the United Church of Canada. Same initials, similar outlook but different country