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Original poster

Any Catholics here to advise me?

26 replies

LynetteScavo · 13/03/2008 20:38

DH is a non practising Catholic, and DS is at a Catholic school. I really want to take DS (and other DCs) to church, but have never been to a Catholic service, and am not exactualy sure what to do [what should a non Catholic do during communion?]

Have searched the internet, but would really like some really life advise.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 13/03/2008 20:39

You can go up for a blessing and cross your arms in front of you to show you are not a catholic.

cornsilk · 13/03/2008 20:40

(Lynette - was it you who recommended a book on school phobia?)

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 13/03/2008 20:40

IIRC I don't think you can take communion unless you are confirmed in the Catholic church ....

Unfitmother · 13/03/2008 20:43

Just stand up and sit down when everyone else does!
RC big into kneeling but if you're not comfortable with that you can just sit.
When they go up to communion you can just remain in your bench or go up with your head bowed and your arms across your chest and receive a blessing.
There'll probably be on order of service but don't be surprised by long prayers such as the creed which aren't written down that the RCs know off by heart.
Good luck , hope you enjoy!

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 13/03/2008 20:43

Yes, it was me who recommened the book. How are things with you?

I just wanted to check you do go up for a blessing - you don't stay in your pew.

Does it take a long time for every body to go up? What do you do while you waiting?

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TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2008 20:45

In the service, copy everyone else. There is also a service book which you can follow.

It is just fine to stay in your seat during communion, and you might be more comfortable with that the first time.

The priest will probably invite anyone who isn't taking communion to go up for a blessing. If you want to do this, join the queue, and approach the priest with your head bowed. He will probably put his hand on your head and sy a few words, and then you return to your seat.

Like I said, probably less scary to sit it out first time, and watch what others do.

It will be fine. PIL were horrified at the thought of catholic mass, but were 'pleasantly surprised' at how 'normal' it was

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 13/03/2008 20:47

Ds says when he goes to church with the school he dips his finger in water and makes a cross on his forhead when he goes in. Should I do this or not?

OP posts:
Unfitmother · 13/03/2008 20:59

It's not compulsary, you may see the RCs bobbing down on 1 knee getting in and out of the bench (genuflecting), again not compulsary for non-RCs.

TheFallenMadonna · 13/03/2008 21:30

I think I would just follow the service if I were you. There's no point in making gestures which are at the moment meaningless. And it might make you feel less relaxed.

Follow the service, enjoy the singing, shake hands at the end.

I hope you enjoy it

cornsilk · 13/03/2008 22:35

Hi Lynette I borrowed a book from the library by Marianna Csoti - is it the same one? Have only read first chapter but is really good - hopefully will be helpful for us.

B1977 · 13/03/2008 22:39

Catholics will dip a finger in the holy water next to the entrance to the church and cross themselves with it when they enter the church and when they leave. They will also genuflect (a kind of curtsey) before the alter before they sit down and also when they leave.

Just telling you this so you will know what is going on, you don't have to follow everyone in every single respect, just do what you feel comfortable with.

Janni · 13/03/2008 22:44

As a long-lapsed Catholic I read this with great nostalgia.

Just don't do what my DH did at my nephew's First Communion, which was to say to the priest at communion 'I'll have one of those, please!' This betrayed his non-RCness immediately, at which point, up on the altar where the family were all gathered, there was the priest hissing 'are you Catholic?', me hissing 'just ask for a blessing' and DH pointing at the Communion chalice and repeating his request for 'one of those'

Sorry, that probably doesn't help.
Just enjoy the service - they're very interesting experiences if you're not used to them.

Flibbertyjibbet · 13/03/2008 22:47

You don't need to be confirmed to take communion - I had my first communion at age 7 after classes and it was all very ceremonial.
Personally I'd ring the priests house and ask if you can come for a chat about the religion and what to do. My mother married into a Catholic family and took us to church even though she was not catholic. She just stayed in her pew when everyone went for communion. No one will even notice if you do that, as families with young children tend to take turns for the parents to take communion.
Mind you due to the convent school I am lapsed catholic and haven't been to mass for 20 years so it might have all changed.

MaryBS · 13/03/2008 23:05

Its in the Anglican church you have to be confirmed before receiving communion (if you are an adult - its more complicated if you are a child...).

You need to be baptised in a trinitarian church and need to receive instruction before receiving communion. You will also need to go to confession before receiving for the first time.

(I'm a lapsed Catholic, now Anglican)

Tommy · 13/03/2008 23:14

your children will be used to it if they go to a Catholic school - they might be able to show you what to do and will probably love to show you!

In our church, the priest says at communion time, if you are not receiving communion, please come forward for a blessing and you can cross your arms over your chest (this is what the children do) or just say "A blesing please" when you go up - if you want to.

If you have nice friendly welcomers at the church like we do, you could tell them that you're not used to it and they might help you out!

Youcannotbeserious · 13/03/2008 23:20

I'm with Tommy - the kids will know what to do, so follow their lead...

On entering the church, there will be holy water... it's customary to dip your fingers in and bless yourself (Right hand... specs, testicals, wallet and watch....)

Kneel briefly before entering your pew...

Avoid communion. Not sure if there is a protocol, but in my family, if you missed Church the week beforehand, you would miss communion...

THere is usually a collection, so have some change.....

At the end, wait for the Priest to leave the alter before filing out.... Geneflect on the way out and bless yourself again...

Tommy · 13/03/2008 23:32

blimey youcannotbeserious - are you trying to put her off with all that genuflecting and blessing?!

If you are not from the Catholic tradition, you wouldn't be expected to any of that

Youcannotbeserious · 14/03/2008 07:34

You would if you went to church with my mother!!! ]

Does it show that I was brought up as a catholic?????? As a kid, I had the whole ritual mastered... When to stand, sit, kneel, put head down, say prayer... Once I had that mastered, it was far easier to switch off into a little private daydream world.... In all my childhood, I'm not sure I ever got through one sermon from the priest without daydreaming......

chrissnow · 14/03/2008 07:51

Honestly don't stress. As long as you don't do anything loud and vulgar nobody will even notice you're there!!! The 'hardened' churchgoers will recognise you're not a regular and will probably be more than willing to 'help' anyway.
Like others have said just kind of copy what everyone else is doing. I would sit out going for a blessing for the first few visits, unless you suddenly get a rush of confidence.
About halfway through mass there will be a section where everyone is 'invited' to offer each other a sign of peace . . . basically everyone turns to the people next to behind/in front of them and shakes hands. One will say 'peace be with you' as they shake and the response is 'and also with you' don't get flustered 99% of the time nobody knows whether to start or respond!!! ime nearly everybody says the 'peace be with you' part!!! Its my favourite part of mass. I tend to sit surrounded by old dears as they always offer the sign of peace to my little ones and I think its just really lovely.

Youcannotbeserious · 14/03/2008 09:25

CHris.... I really hate 'sign of the peace'

I just find it really cring-worthy and embarrassing....

I really hate being stuck next to some old dear who feels the need to shake hands with everyone in a 5M radius...

SSSandy2 · 14/03/2008 09:33

There is a book about Catholicism for the uninitiated in that Dummies series (now I am not saying you are a dummy mind). Bound to be very straight forward and understandable: www.amazon.com/Catholicism-Dummies-John-Trigilio/dp/0764553917

chrissnow · 14/03/2008 10:20

youcannotbeserious - Each to their own eh . I don't get much human contact so maybe that's why I like it.

teakettle · 14/03/2008 15:15

My church doesn't have a service book, you are just expected to know. The creed is pasted to the inside cover of the hymn book but I don't know if this is common practice. There is loads of getting up and down but just copy everyone else.

B1977 · 14/03/2008 21:28

you could buy a "Roman Missal" - this is the service book in full

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 14/03/2008 21:59

Thanks everyone, this has been really helpfull. I shall definately ge getting that dimmies book!

Cornsilk, the book I recommended was "Getting Your Child to say Yes to School" by Christopher Kearney. Happily, I haven't needed to refere to it lately, as DS is very happy in his new (Catholic) school

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