First church visit as a young adult

[Churchvisit]

Good morning

I went to church as a child twice a week with school (C of E, very religious headmaster!)
I'm now in my late 20s and I'd like to go back to church. There is a C of E church in the village we recently moved to, and they have a holy communion service this weekend. I always thought this was a Catholic service, so am very confused! My memory of church was a reading from the vicar, lots of singing and then prayer.

I also have a wheat allergy and don't drink so I'm worried about this part. I'm also worried I'll be the youngest by about 30 years and I don't want people judging me (I have a friend with vicar parents who always talk about young women going to church so they can get married there - I am single and so this is not the case at all!) I'd like go to a church where there will be a few people of similar age but I'm not sure there are many!

I think I'm just nervous as I have such lovely memories as a child and I'm scared it won't be the same! I'm getting confused by what kind of Christian I am, and what type of church I should go to.

Any advice?

Your church sounds like what they call ‘high church’ in C of E.

Holy communion is a normal part of CofE worship, but doesn't necessarily happen at every service. Even if it does, you are no obligation to take part - you can remain in your seat or go up to the alter to receive a blessing - just keep your head down. (If at some point you do decide to take communion, GF wafers can be provided if you let the Vicar know.)

You may feel more comfortable looking for a family service - they often don't include communion, and will have younger people. Although, there are young people at most services.

As it's getting near Christmas, I'm sure there will be some family focussed services coming up - Christingle, crib services, carol services. These are a good way of 'checking things out' without being noticed.

Do you have to be confirmed to take communion, I was only baptised ?

Thank you, very helpful! I am not christened as my mum didn't believe in it, but I'd like to be eventually.

Different churches have different approaches to this. The Vicar usually clarifies who can take communion, and what to do if you don't, during the service.

Reading this thread has taught me something indeed.
I was a committed Christian in the Church of Wales until I was 20- ish. My family were all church goers so I grew up with the traditions etc as part of my daily life.
Even though I no longer believed I had an awareness of what was happening through family and friends.

My first instinctive reaction when I read the comments about Holy Communion was, Hey, you need to be confirmed before you can receive the Bread and Wine.
Then after looking online I read that this is no longer necessary.

My confirmation was a huge thing in my life; the new dress, the excitement of the coach trip to our Diocesan Cathedral, (that I now walk past every day), the meal in the Church Hall afterwards and as a sense of being seen as an adult now.

As I am no longer a Christian, none of the changes impact me so I wish everyone well on their spiritual path.
What amused me was that after all these years (I am in my 60s) the outraged inner voice of the matriarchs in my family was immediately roused, very much in the style of Fanny Button in Ghosts. ☺️

https://www.spb.church/blog/2017/8/31/the-what-why-and-how-of-confirmation

https://www.churchtimes.co.uk/articles/2016/23-september/news/uk/confirmation-no-longer-required-for-holy-communion

different churches take a different approach to communion.
Some insist on baptism and/ or conformation.
Some are happy with anyone who believes taking communion.

I don't think the church does sound particularly 'high church'
All C of E churches do communion every week, but some do it in the main service mid morning and some in an earlier more traditional service. Family services may also have communion.

C of E churches do vary enormously. They vary as to the congregation (older/younger/families) and as ot how active or lively they are. Some sing traditional hymns and others more modern songs, perhaps with a worhsip band.

Anyone is welcome to any church at any time. So go along. If you like it go again! But if you don't like it, do look for other churches to try. Find a church with other young people that has activities relevant to your age.

Same theology as C of E would be Baptist churches and free evangelical churches.

If you want a church with ‘younger’ people, maybe look for a charismatic evangelical? Something like New Frontiers, or Evangelical CofE?

Lots of ordinary CofE parish churches have younger members. You just need to go along a couple of times to one to see if it suits you. If not, try another.

You might want to try one of the HTB (Holy Trinity Brompton) plants if there's one near you - they're C of E, but modern and always have loads of young people. My dd has enjoyed going to to the one in Birmingham.
HTB network - Wikipedia

I speak as a Catholic but don't let your worries stop you from going back to church. Go along, enjoy the peace, prayer and singing.

Don't go up for communion if you dont want to, no one will notice. OR go up but cross your hands over your chest and bow your head. My priest will often tell people you can come up for a blessing without actually eating the host.

You can get special gluten free hosts if this is something you actually want to do in the future.

Do not be afraid to talk to the vicar about it after the service. I guarantee he or she will be welcoming and helpful.

As for your age DONT WORRY. If anyone is judging you (and I don't see why they would) its their bad. Remember:judge not lest ye shall be judged! Its one of the basics of Christianity: no judging!!

Personally I'm always glad to see younger people in church. I used to feel awkward going along especially if it wasn't a Sunday and it was just me and some old people. Now I just feel glad to have a church that is my spiritual home.

If I see, for example, a young mum going along just to get her kids baptised (thats more obvious than people going because they want to marry) I just feel glad she's doing it at all. I ask the Lord to bless her. Her heart is in the right place and some of it might just stick!

Anyway your reasons for going along are fine, as if it's anyone else's business...

Go, enjoy, God bless!

Edited to add back paragraphing

If you came to our church (village, quite fuddy duddy) you’d be very welcome. In fact they’d love to have a young person come along!

Before communion, our vicar explains (to the whole congregation) what you do during communion and if you just want a blessing or don’t want communion at all. My husband sometimes comes with me and doesn’t do communion so he just stays in the pew when everyone else goes up. It’s no big deal.

Don't worry about getting things ‘wrong’ or not knowing about things. I’ve been going to church donkey years - I’m on the PCC and read at the pulpit and sometimes I’m confused too! Turn up, sit where you like and just go with the flow. Don’t be put off if it seems awkward. Keep going, and as a pp said try to attend some of the Christmas services. They’re usually more ‘accessible’ to beginners and very beautiful.

Good luck!

Most churches have gluten free wafers if you let the vicar know. Ours does. You just mention it when you get up to the front and they'll sort it out.
If you don't want to take the wine, you don't have to. 'Communion in one kind' means wafer only, and that's perfectly valid as communion. It's how they do it in RC churches. More often than not I only have the wafer as I don't like the common cup, but if I go to another church, or when I was confirmed, I took the wine.
If you just want a blessing, often the vicar will say to come up with your service sheet and then they'll know you don't want communion.

Depending on your outlook on life, you may not get on with an HTB church plant. Their theology can be quite conservative - they're not keen on LGBT people, not always keen on the ordination of women, and so on. Wierdly it's often the 'higher' CofE churches (for example, with formal liturgy, robed choir, vicar in robes, hymns) which are more 'liberal' in theology, and the 'lower' churches (worship band, more modern songs, vicar not in robes and often not in clericals, don't have communion every week) which are more conservative in theology. Most CofE churches are on A Church Near You or have a website / facebook account, so a bit of research is always worthwhile!