DD accepted to a Roman Catholic Secondary - what do I need to know?

[djembebonkers]

We aren't a religious family but respectful of others, kind, thoughtful and helpful. DD is quiet and studious, does what she is told by teachers and not loud or a trouble maker at all. I am wondering if I need to give her any advice or anything they may expect that she might not be used to. Uniform seems slightly stricter (no patent shoes for e.g.) and smart casual dress/outfit for Mass is required.
They don't seem to select on religion.

Am I over-thinking this? I don't want DD to stick out more than necessary!

Nothing at all! It isn't a cult. She doesn't have to be Catholic, or pretend to be Catholic. Not rioting during Mass probably a good idea, if attendance is compulsory. (Is attendance compulsory?)

Yes, it will be compulsory. She doesn't swear or anything, but I am worried she may say "oh God!" or something. My memories of nun's were quite strict (friend's school sounded scary back in the 80's!). I'm sure it is very different now but I wanted to ask in case I've not thought of something obvious to others.

Massively over thinking, don’t worry! I went to a strict catholic high school too. My strict catholic grandma used to bristle and be annoyed at how little we learned about Catholicism in school, as the RE syllabus was mainly on the other major religions. I can probably still tell you more about the Jewis faith than the catholic one haha.

that being said, we had daily prayers (the Lord’s Prayer) which everyone just mumbled unenthusiastically! And we had mass occasionally where no one paid the slightest bit of attention to be honest.

my advice would be just to continue to encourage her studiousness and her compassion. And ensure she has good critical thinking skills so she doesn’t take any of the messaging literally etc!

It can completely vary from school to school.

Have you moved area? Does she have friends going? Have you visited? Why the change of clothes for mass - is it boarding?

I’m sure visiting the school and speaking to parents of current students will give a far more accurate picture than asking here.

We have visited and I did ask the 6th formers who were in the Religion/Philosophy dept if it was an issue, which they said wasn't. They actually said it is better to have a selection of backgrounds as it adds to debate, which is what I wanted to hear. I think I am just worrying that she might be singled out, but from the Open Day alone that doesn't seem to be an issue. Compassion and honesty are her best and worst traits - she tends to want to help everyone and can't tell a lie to save her own skin 😅

I went to a strict Catholic High School and my children have attended the same school (one still there). I couldn't have told you who amongst my peers was Catholic and who wasn't. The same for my dc's friends - I have no idea and I'd be surprised if they do.
Prayers were said depending on who your teacher was (and only then maybe at the start of the day, before lunch or before home time) The Lord's Prayer mainly.
Most children will not be particularly practising, if our school is anything to go by

It will be fine. She will have an opportunity to learn about another religion which isn’t in itself a bad thing. They will not be indoctrinating her or discriminating against her

Do please update us when she has been there a while, OP.

I went to a Catholic school and am an atheist. I was very happy there although I did think going to mass was extremely boring.

There may be one or two masses a term.. Tell her: Don't take communion at mass. Go up with the other pupils if you want, but cross your arms over your chest and the priest will give you a blessing instead of communion.
Or just stay in your seat when others go up.

Don't expect them to teach her about contraception. That was completely left out of my education at Catholic school. One teacher taught us 'the pill tells your body lies'. This was 20 years ago though

We were taught about contraception, I remember distinctly as a boy fainted when the snip was explained and was the talk of the school for a while.

alot of our “teachings” was phrased as “catholics believe in abstinence rather than other forms of contraception” for example rather than “you must have as many babies as the lord sees fit” lol

I am glad to see you have identified compassion as a best and worst trait.

I would worry less about the school but put more focus into helping her build appropriate boundaries. I think every one, especially girls and those with sensitive dispositions, should be taught to be well boundaried before being kind.

Being overly compassionate or empathetic can really negatively affect you as you absorb the pain of those around you. It also makes you vulnerable in all sorts of ways, including staying in bad relationships ( friends and partners) due to ‘feeling bad’ for them. It’s basically a life of always ‘seconding’ yourself.

Hope this isn’t your daughter, but if it is, I would work on helping her become more balanced and recognizing the value in respecting her own needs.

My children attend a Catholic High school. They are baptised catholic and have made their confirmation, but we do not attend mass regularly.

From what they tell me they have a mix of friends - a few who attend mass regularly, some of other religions and the majority who don’t seem to regularly practice any religion.

Their school has a chapel on site and they attend short weekly services (replacing morning form time) as well as special services for things such as Armistice day or religious days such as Ash Wednesday.

School do not however offer communion in these services. I imagine this may differ from school to school so I would ask about mass/communion when you have a parent info evening before she starts. Maybe attend Mass with her a couple of times before she starts school so she knows what to expect.

They had one full year day trip to a local catholic retreat in year 7. Any other religious trips (pilgrimages to Lourdes etc) have been optional and have very limited places so you would not be left out by not attending.

They do have strict uniform guidelines, but no more so than other local high schools. They also offer a comprehensive sex and relationships education covering all types of contraception.

It’s natural as a parent to worry, as the move to high school is a big one, but I’m sure your daughter will be absolutely fine.

As long as she is respectful of the schools belief's, particularly during Mass, prayers and Other liturgies, it'll be fine. She doesn't have to believe and jo one will force her to.

I went to Catholic schools and they're just the same as any others. Unfortunately there will still be bullying etc. Most children there weren't from practising Catholic families. Many just got baptised to get in the school. We had to attend assemblies and Mass etc, but it didn't make any difference to pupil's behaviour, sadly! Overall the school had better results than other local schools, so it was popular in the area, but honestly I wouldn't worry that your child will stick out, they won't.