Left a religion and it’s now affecting how I think about my life journey

[MagickSTEM]

I was heavily involved in a faith for about a decade. It gave me identity, meaning and a purpose.

I ignored the ways I disagreed with it but the pressure of all that cognitive dissonance built up. Eventually I left.

This was years ago but it affects how I think about my life. I feel like I put a huge amount of time and energy into something that no longer matters to me.

Life is a journey and I would be a different person without that decade. But I wish I could look back at it fondly as a youthful adventure rather than a waste of my youth.

If you were once very committed to a faith and are now a different person living without it, what stories do you tell yourself about your past?

You put ‘a huge amount of time and energy’ into something that gave you ‘identity, meaning and purpose’ (your quotes). That sounds great to me!

Not sure what religion but there are a lot of online support groups for people like you.

have a look at the podcast “I was a teenage fundamentalist” and “ex-vangelicals” groups on Facebook.

Id also recommend counselling to work through some of these issues. It’s a huge thing to do and can take years to process.

well done.

Also this info might be helpful:

We are launching the Faith to Faithless helpline for anyone who has left a controlling religion to call. The helpline will offer a listening ear, informal emotional support, and a way for the ex religious to reduce their isolation.
Our freephone number is: 0800 448 0748
The volunteer listeners, most of whom have lived experience, have been fully trained to listen and support. This launch is a pilot for a year so that we can raise further funding to expand it later to cover more hours and offer more varied forms of support.
The opening hours are:
OPENING HOURS
Wednesday 10:00 - 13:00
Thursday 16:00 - 19:00
Friday 08:00 - 11:00
Our freephone number is: 0800 448 0748
Calls are free from all mobiles & landlines and won’t appear on itemised bills.

Also what I’ve noticed is that people often don’t seek help or a peer community until 20+ years after they have left. It’s as though it takes that long to recover from the trauma. Maybe this is where you are, too.

Thanks @Upsizer

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife “You put ‘a huge amount of time and energy’ into something that gave you ‘identity, meaning and purpose’ (your quotes). That sounds great to me!” I think you’re right. It’s good to have that experience even though I’m a different person now.

For me, being so religious was like being a different person.

I spent over 25 years in controlling evangelicalism, and it had a horrific effect on me. I can get very down about it sometimes - I'm horrified by the opportunities I've missed - but I need to be kind to the naive kid I was when I got sucked into it.

I didn't know any better and thought I was doing the right thing. That's about it, really. I can't really do much more than that.

@PrimitivePerson That is the thing with churches isn’t it! They can be all consuming with the activities, the volunteering, the social events.

But it wasn’t a waste of your youth. Without it you wouldn’t be where you are. We can all look back on times when we think it would have been so much better if we had been XYZ at certain points but it’s pointless. You can’t change it.

What do you love about yourself and your life now.l? Would those things be the same without your prior experience?

You cannot change your past. You where what you were. It was of value to you then, so it was not a waste of time. Now you are different. You can still love and value the person you were then, even though you no longer have the same values, because you are still the same person. You are OK.