Ageing — death-allergic Britain

[MagickSTEM]

I think we live in a fantastic period for older women. There is much more awareness these days about changing careers, going on adventures, finding new romances etc… It’s no longer the case that we turn 45 and become Norah Batty.

Some of us come from families where everyone lives into their 80s and 90s. Others of us come from families where a lot of members don’t see 60 or 70 or even 50.

Midlife and menopause is a time to think about what you want out of life. I think the media (especially the Guardian) tends to encourage us to think we might be abseiling in our 80s and so on.

I sometimes wonder if I only have a decade or two left (if lucky). And sometimes I feel that puts me in the same boat as a much much older person who can assume the same. I don’t feel existential terror about it. I have had a very full life because I was always aware it could be short — and there are still things I want to learn and I am doing that.

It’s like we are death allergic in Britain and everyone has to pretend they think they’re going to be cross channel swimming and staying youthful in their 90s. Does anyone else feel the same?

Not British. I'm Canadian but I agree. Aging is scary but with it comes wisdom, a time to rest and/or enjoy the fruits of your labours (perhaps children/grandchildren, successes, the things we've built ect.)

Perhaps not the angle you were looking for as I come from a family of witches and we believe that death and age part of the sacred cycle of life and not something to fear or avoid but something instead to embrace as life is long and tiring. To live forever would be a curse as our souls, spirits, minds and bodies get tired. Eventually there comes a time to rest.

We believe that death is something to welcome (within reason of course) assuming our life has run its course, because once we die we then get to rest our spirits so they can recharge and eventually be reborn to begin anew.

I'm in my 50s and making the most of every day. I was a nurse, so know what can happen to people, regardless of age. I don't want to live until I'm frail and elderly. I think, now people have rejected Christianity, that there's no hope beyond death, so people strive to live as long as possible.

I lost both my parents in their early 60’s so I have always felt that if I reach 60, I’ll feel fortunate. Then I lost my best friend and she was 50 so i just feel grateful to still be here (I’m 51). I feel grateful everyday that I have a cosy home, a job and that my children are happy and healthy. I don’t desire to be doing ‘amazing’ things. For me, a day in my garden or an hour with my cat on my lap is amazing. A walk in the countryside is wonderful. I’ve always enjoyed the simple things in life and I am grateful for every day I get to experience and enjoy them. If I was to ‘live every day as though it was my last’, I’d choose something very homely over a sky dive.

I've turned 60 this year, my father died at 68 my mother incapacitated by 62. I have a recent health diagnosis. I've started a bucket list and feel I've got a good decade to enjoy hopefully then maybe that's my lot! If I make it after 70 great but plan to reduce my belongings, do the things I want to do and organise my house for the longer term.

@parameciumparty with respect. I talk to a wide variety of secular non religious people and never heard them suggest they would like to live past the average life expectancy. The only people I hear say this are Christians making assumptions on their behalf. It's actually becoming a bit of a cliché.

I think there are people like this but I don't think it's limited to a specific group of thought.

I know how this rumour got started. (And this is generally speaking and not representative of my own personal opinions mind you) The idea is because some secular minded people really wanted to wear masks but it was not about the individual wearing the mask fearing dying of covid themselves but fearing giving covid to others and indirectly harming another person. So perhaps you shouldn't limit your social circle so much if you don't want to spread embarrassing stereotypes about Christians. Maybe actually ask instead of repeating stuff from social media.

If secular people feared death then you wouldn't so many of them advocating for things like medically assisted death.

Just a general trend that I noticed over 30 years of nursing. Of course you will always get groups who buck that trend.

Thank you for all your contributions. I think it did me good to hear from people who aren’t expecting to become scuba diving 100 year olds. I’ve known a lot of people who died in their 50s and 60s.

@SunDaughter I’ve been thinking a lot about nature and the seasons and all that sort of thing. So your post was very welcome.

One side effect of being a priest and doing a lot of funerals is that I live much more in the present than I did before. I love that quiet time in my garden or with the cats or with friends. I enjoy life now rather than expect that I will be absailing at 80.

Yeah I want to do amazing things, travel widely, hike across continents, see do and try everything. I'm afraid of heights so I don't want to abseil though and I don't want to wait till I'm 90 to do it all. I travel a lot every year and now the kids are nearly adults and I'm 50 I have big plans for the next 15 years. After that I'll accept pottering.

I think people just try to put death out of their minds as it's too hard to cope with thinking about. I know that's true for me anyway.

It completely depends on your experience of life and death I think. I have family who lived well and active until their 90’s and family who retired at 65 with plans for finally living and not working who promptly had a catastrophic stroke 6 month after retiring and spent 17 years dying and hated every minute. I have no faith, but hope when I go (hopefully late in life) it’s quick!

Unless we plan our own demise, then the fact is not any one of us 'know the day', nor the hour. I've learned that time is limited, and our time is the most precious gift to give or receive. I've learned to 'keep short accounts' and to not leave anything unsaid. For any one of us it could be now, later today, tomorrow ... a catastrophic instantaneous health event, a terrorist bomb, the infamous 'bus' ... There's nothing more certain that death to this life will come to us all. Make the most of now because worrying about tomorrow, will make not a jot of difference to anything.

@Thegreatestoftheseislove It brings to mind the saying “it’s always later than you think”.

I'd not heard of that before and yes, I agree! 😄