where to go when you lose faith

[fostermum]

ive got to the point where im doubting anything about any religion,ive been a pagan for years,and i can still see the workings of the season i just doubt that anyone ever listens to us when we,chant,cast a spell,or scream for help any more, feeling like this is all there is.

I had a similar exp to you, (i'm wiccan - for about 4 yrs) in the end I don't know what kicked it back off for me, I think it was talking with my mum, slowly I was able to restore my faith in everthing not just religion, and since then everything has been getting back to normal, is there any thing in particular that has caused these feeling?

well long story lost a foster child i had spent years looking after coz of drugs,was told even in he was moved i would be kept in contact with all that happened, i wasnt and took me nearly a year to find him,now we chat and txt each other but i cant(and ive tried )to forgive myself for letting him go,ive lost all respect and confidence in myself,dont want to foster any more,and ever since ive lost all trust in everything,i tried rationalise it all but find it hard

ive been told by my boss it is like grieving for a dead loved one and she is right i feel like one of my own has died, i will continue to foster but dont know if i can put my heart and soul into it any more

awww hon, maybe someone has some better advise than me on this one.

maby there is a rite to help me gain back my self confidence,and help my boy forgive me fully

I don't mean this cruelly, but why should there be anyone listening to us? I'm sure there's a god, but I personally don't believe that he is there to serve us. Don't we serve him - after all he (or she) is the highest being? And surely the same could be said of paganism: you are part of the world and the spirit that infuses all living things.

I don't know what you've been through, it has obviously been very painful, but surely you have served well in your love and caring for your foster-children?

You mentioned both forgiving yourself, and your dfs forgiving you. Would it help if you could meet face-to-face? Is he old enough to talk about it with you? Are you concerned whether he is loved where he is?

of course im concerned where heis that hes loved and we have met but cant talk about it because he would go mad at his social worker over it and that wouldnt help anyone as they have to work to gether, he seems happy but i still feel i didnt do right by letting him be moved.
as for god godess of what ever yes we all serve each other,but i feel like i let nature down by not doing my best although at the time i thought it was, i dont mean i expect the goddess to say there,there, never mind, just help me see for myself where i go from here

I think I see what you mean. It is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. You did your best as you saw it at the time and nobody could do better than that. We can be our own worst critics. Perhaps you need to find a way to forgive yourself.

Would it help you to stop fostering for a while, to give you a chance to concentrate on healing yourself? It's not selfish to look after yourself. Or would continuing to foster act as reparation for what you feel you did wrong in the past?

i think im worried that i wont be able to give the kids 110% of my self as i always have done,if i stop i feel bad and guilty that there are kids who may need me if i dont stop i feel guilty i cant give them my all,seem stuck

It seems to me that maybe you do need a break to get your head back together. You're right that the children need you, but if you can't give them what they need then you feel bad in yourself and it becomes a viscious circle.

Is there any support system for foster parents? I'm very lucky that I have a wonderful HV to give me impartial support, but I imagine that you won't feel that you can talk openely to Social Services.

Personally I'm very bad at forgiving myself. It's only after the same sort of thing has happened again, IYSWIM, that I can ever look at myself and say either 'I understand now why I responded that way in the first event' and therefore forgive myself, or 'I responded differently this time and am satisfied with myself' and that cancels out the first time.

well i have the xmas to sort it out,i think its just we all miss him,he made me laugh so much,and i know hes gone through unnessesery suffering because the social worker couldnt admit that he would listen to us when he wouldnt listen to her,he is now running wild with social workers permission,into drugs and crime just what he always wanted really.ive got a very good family placement officer who i talk to and im sure it will pass just feel so useless at the moment

Think we all go through dark times when we feel like there is no-on there.Sounds like you need time out and a bit of pampering!!I'm a christian and I believe that we have a loving God who listens to us but sometimes He too seems a long way away, at the end of the day though He's always been there,but sometimes I only see that when I've reached the bottom of the pit!!!Probalbly not very helpful.But sending you a big ((((hug)))) as well!!

I accept that you feel useless, but I have to say also that you are most certainly not useless. Who esle could have given - and still gives - such devotion and care!

I reached the bottom of the pit and there was no-one there. That's when I stopped believing in god.

K

fm - don't have time to do justice to this post, but you're not useless. You may not be fostering him now, but you are still in contact and may well be the only sensible adult in his life that he trusts. It's not your fault if he goes off the rails - some kids do that with the best parenting, but it takes something special to be there for a kid in his position. you don't need to give 110%.

as for religion - try humanism.