Who is the happiest person you know, and why are they happy?

[Earlybird]

There is so much in the news about the societal epidemic of anxiety/fear/stress, and the increasing number of people on anti-depressants.

It has got me thinking (and reading) about specifically what it is that makes happy people happy. The happiness I'm thinking of is a deep internal 'way of being' and not necessarily a happiness based on circumstances.

Who is the happiest person you know, and why do you think they're happy?

What do you think are the most important things necessary to simply 'being' happy?

Are there specific qualities shared by people who live meaningful, fulfilled, and happy lives? If so, what are they?

I think the most contented people are those who really live in the moment and don't dwell too much on the past or the future. I think more than happiness and contentedness you need to feel connected, everyone's lives contain happiness and sadness and in certain situations we can't avoid pain, anxiety and suffering, but I think that if you have strong relationships with friends and family it makes a huge difference.

I think of that prayer "Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference". I think if I applied that more to my life I would be happier, and like fairymum says not chasing after perfection.

It's stoicism isn't it!

ancient greek stoicism that is, not what it has come to mean today.

I was involved (indirectly, through work) with something very tragic that happened a few months ago. A friend passed on this piece of wisdom, which comes via the sixth-century Christian philosopher, Boethius...

When we ask why bad things happen, we should not forget also to ask why good things happen.

I like this, because it reminds me to keep a sense of perspective, and - even if I can't answer the question about why bad/good things happen - to remember that both categories of things do happen.

It's enlightenment, the end of suffering. Finding equilibrium in oneself and the world.

It's also about accepting that bad things happen. Once you've accepted this, the thing instantly becomes less bad. Like accepting that life is hard, instead of getting down about it, just accepting that life is hard instantly makes it easier, imo anyway.

yes but even if you stop striving to always be happy, accept the good the bad and all in between, and are generally peaceful (content, relaxed...whichever), it does not mean that you have fully accepted yourself, and so long as you dont fully accept yourself you will find it hard to be content. won't you?

i'm not sure if a truly content person would agree that 'sometimes life is hard'. a positive person may not see something as 'hard' or 'bad'

I agree, but 'hard' doesn't equal 'bad', and by accepting it, it no longer becomes hard, it just becomes life.

I think to really be at peace, and content, and accepting of life, then yes, you do have to also cpmletely accept yourself for who you are. If you haven't trully accepted yourself and are not at one with yourself you'll never have any of the other things, the most you'll be doing is 'faking' it.

It's all about inner contentment, once that is in place everything else follows. You will be at peace, and accepting of the world.

so what is the right mindframe for accepting yourself?

I once did a course on positive thinking at work. The one example I remember particularly well was the course leader asking if you find a bad scratch on your car is it a good thing or a bad thing? Of course everybody said a bad thing but the guy leading the course said it was neither good or bad, just a scratch. What was good or bad was how you felt about it or the feelings you project onto the scratch.

So if you thought it was terrible and ranted about it all day, it was terrible. If you said to yourself, it's a shame and a nuisance but only a scratch and not really a big deal then it isn't. There is a lot of truth in that imo. Things are only as bad as you let them be (again there are awful things that happen but we are talking day to day ups and downs).

I think this agrees with what overmydeadbody is saying about once you accept something as bad it is no longer as bad. You just move on and get over it.

Did you see Grand Designs last night? I said to DH that Tiffany must be a Christian as she was so unfaillingly cheerful, even about the £300K hole in the ground. Wonder if she is?

dd. She is pathologically happy

Niecie- that makes loads of sense. My DP is a lot happier than me and he always downplays the bad things whereas I get myself twisted in knots worrying about things. He shrugs and then will let it go.

Can you learn to be happy, or is inner contentment and acceptance tied in with personality so much that you are always destined to be optimistic or pessimistic?

I agree with the accepting life idea. Up to a point. I think some people find themselves in intolerable situations (in an abusive relationship for example) and just putting up with it would not be a route to happiness.

It comes down to the old saying about the wisdom to know what you can change and what you can't.

I was happy before I had my job, dh and kids so they haven't made me happy (but have increased my happiness). But if I lost them all tomorrow I would be devastated.

Much unhappiness is to do with loss and disappointment.
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Beanstalk, I think the fact that we all got sent on a course on positive thinking suggests that you can learn to be more positive about life but I should think it would take a serious effort to really look for the positive and downplay the negative to the point it becomes second nature and for you to be a positive person rather than a person trying to be positive (iyswim)!

Still, I suppose if you just step back now and again and think about what is upsetting you and whether it really is important then it can only improve things for you.

Yes I entirely agree that if somebody is abused or suffers something terrible in their life positive thinking is not enough but on the other hand why are some people completely knocked sideways by relatively minor problems yet others cope with a whole shedload of crap and still come out smiling? Surely it has to do in some way with your outlook in life? Whether you are inherently a positive person or not?

I totally agree Niecie. We all have a choice whether we make the best of things or not. That goes for minor mishaps and major disaster alike.

Is there a right mindframe for accepting yourself? Or, does accepting yourself bring with it a 'righ' mindframe?

I agree that it can be taught, or, rather, it can be achieved, that is what searching for enlightenment is all about, if has to be found, within, it isn't just 'there', and natura and nurture do have a part to play in whether it is found relatively early on in life or later on, whether the road to enlightenmet is short or long, and, indeed, if it is ever achieved.

The axample of the scratch on the car just being a scratch on the car is very good, if you just accept things for what they are you can deal with them without all the emotional suffering that often blights human life.

I agree that much unhappiness os to do with loss and disappointment. If you change your outlook so you are no longer disappointend by things, but instead just accepting of them, and no longer feel loss, just change, then you'll be on your way to ending your suffering.

And by accepting situations in life, that doesn't mean you passively just live with them, so if you find yourself in an abusive relationship accepting it doesn't mean staying in it, it means accepting that that is what it is and then changing your life accordingly.

It's not even 'making the best of things', it is simpler than that I feel, it is just accepting them, not getting emotionally tied down in them.

i am an example of someone who thinks a scratch is scratch, neither good nor bad. but it is not the same to think about our selves in the same way that we think/feel about a car.

you can accept or not accept the world (and i agree with whoever above said some ppl have situations that are far beyond accpetance, like abusive relationships) but it is not the same as accepting yourself

which is what i would love to have an answer too ;)

but I think it is the same as accepting yourself tbh. I accept that I am who I am, and I alone am responsible for the way I feel. I also don't occupy my time thinking "If only I was more like so and so", "if only I was more extrovert/organised/pretty/tall/whatever...then I'd be happy/succesful/get that job".

I also accept that I have the power to change myself and my situation if I want to, and that I don't need to ever be in situations that put me down or have a negative impact on me, I have the choice and I can either accept a situation for what it is, and be content with that, or changfe the situation. Not blame others, or blame myself, or blame the 'system'. If you don't like something, change it, otherwise accept it and don't let it bother you.

dontwanttogetoutofbed you said "you can accept or not accept the world (and i agree with whoever above said some ppl have situations that are far beyond accpetance, like abusive relationships) but it is not the same as accepting yourself"

I think we're both using the word accept in different ways, I get the feeling that you mean the common everyday use of 'accept' as in 'allow it' or 'approve', whereas when I say accept in my posts, I mean 'believe', so just as you can accept the scratch, you can also accept yourself.

Does that make sense?

what I meant to add was, from my point of view of acceptance, you can accept an abusive relationship, and in fact you have to be able to accept it in order to get out of it. If we didn't accept these awful things, how could we ever change the or protect ourselves from them?

Wise words OMDB.