Need some perspective from practising Muslims please :)

[Sunnydayatthebeach]

Hi, I'm really looking for some advice and perspective from practising Muslims please. Even better if from a Turkish Kurdish background, but all are welcome.
So..my sister aged in early 20s has been in a relationship with a Turkish Kurdish man for a few months. They met at uni (medical school, so both are highly intelligent on paper).
This man has been introduced to our family and welcomed. He claims he wants to marry her and talks about little else tbh. He's here as a student, his family are all back home in Turkey.
My sister recently converted to Islam, her choice and no pressure from him. She is getting very strong in her faith and really wants to marry instead of just being in a relationship... obviously dating is not allowed in Islam.
This man's family have already made him dump her once when he initially told them about her, but he begged her for a second chance..said he didn't want to dump her but parents put him under pressure and threatened all sorts of nasty stuff would happen if he didn't.
From what we can gather, his parents are uneducated, illiterate and in a miserable arranged marriage themselves. First cousins. They seem to want the same for they kids.
This man that my sister loves and who claims to love her back keeps making excuses not to let her see or speak to his family. Always an excuse ready whenever she asks.
He is a practising Muslim, very devout. Not the stereotypical guy who fools with British girls just for the experience before marrying a cousin. He seems better than that but I'm trying to get my sister to see that his failure to marry her or at the very least get engaged waves a few red flags.
She doesn't have many Muslim friends, struggling to get advice.

If he dumps her on his parents say so then he's not worth it.

^^ this.

The only indication that he's actually changed the mindset that enabled him to do that in the first place would be him introducing her to his family AND your parents being introduced (by zoom or something), especially if he's serious about marrying her. At the same time, he could be planning on marrying in secret and if he doesn't plan on returning to live there this could be a possibility.

Please make sure she knows about the different types of marriage in Islam, in particular 'Orfi. As she's practicing and delving into her faith, it's likely she does. But she wouldn't be the first westerner to believe she's married when she's not really...

She should definitely be very, very clear on how she wants to raise any children, especially girls. Faith is one thing, but he has a religious culture behind him which she doesn't. Explicit discussions should be had, with practical examples, because both can use a word but mean something different with it.

The chances of him finding your sister a good catch for a whole variety of reasons is high, alongside him genuinely liking her too. It's also possible that people come to the west and quite like how things are and make changes in their thinking (I know lots of people like that). But getting married and having kids are two things that can deeply challenge those changes. They should also probably have an agreement - ideally confirmed in the presence of your family - that she will at least finish university and her FY2 before children. There should also be open discussions about their specialisation trainings. Will they always be able to work in the same city? If not, how would he feel about his wife working 100 miles from him (for example). Is that acceptable to him? Because there's no reason why she should give up her career because culturally it's not what he's comfortable with.

It's important that he sees she's supported by her family.

Not sure if this is a dead thread but I thought I’d comment anyway.

If his family are not on board with the marriage then your sister really needs to throw him back into the water and find a new fish.

Marriage is not just a joining of two people; it is a joining of two families. If they are against her to the point that they were making threats, and they are ignorant types, I can guarantee you that they will cause a tonne of problems in the marriage.

Your sister should know that she’s not just choosing a husband, she is choosing her children’s father, grandfather, grandmother etc. These people will have huge sway and influence over her life. This man will also be a product of his upbringing, and will probably change his mind on all kinds of things once they’re married, even if he pretends to be liberal now in order to marry her.

In all honesty your sister sounds too young/inexperienced/naive to be husband hunting and should really take a few years to work on her deen (faith) otherwise she is entering the marriage at a great disadvantage.

There are also ways to date in a way that is halal, so she absolutely should not bow to pressure.

An adult educated man who is so much under the influence and control of his parents' opinion would be a huge blocker for me. If he's not getting engaged to her now because his parents want him to separate from her, imagine what the rest of her life will be like if they do eventually marry.