First time to a new church - what to do

[Twizbe]

For background. DH is baptised and confirmed CoE. I'm not, I was brought up with Christian traditions but not a church going family / non believers. I don't want to change that.

Children have both been baptised CoE as it was important to DH and his family and I didn't feel strongly against it.

They now go to a CoE school.

Eldest is 6 and is very interested in god and church and has been asking to go on a Sunday for ages. Fine, I'm all for him exploring faith where he finds it.

The stars have aligned and we can finally go this weekend. I've given him a choice of a local church where I know the vicar or the church connected to his school. He's chosen school church.

I don't know this church at all (apart from school services there) I'm guessing we might see some friends from school, but I'm not sure what type of CoE it is, what the service will be like anything. DH can't come with so I'm taking him by myself.

At the other church I know the vicar pretty well so feel more comfortable just turning up. This one a bit more nervous.

Do I need to introduce ourselves to someone? I'm assuming they will have people on the door saying 'good morning'....

Also during communion I'm right in thinking we can both go for blessings yes? Even though I'm not baptised?

Have a look on their website to see if they have any info for newcomers. Otherwise just relax, smile, say 'hello' but no need to introduce yourself formally. Hopefully they'll be delighted to see you 😊

Usually at a C of E church there are people (“sidespeople”) at the door as you arrive to welcome you. You could ask them any questions you have about protocol, where to sit, things like that. They will usually have a service booklet (paper pamphlet) to guide you through although I’ve also been to services where the information is projected onto screens for the congregation to follow.

Some churches have provision for children (“Sunday School” type setup although I’ve not heard it called that for ages) and if your DS prefers to go or to stay with you that’s up to him/the two of you.

At all C of E services I have been to if there is Communion then yes you are welcome to go to the rail/altar to get a blessing, this is not contingent on you being baptised (or anything else). Usually someone will tell you how to signal that you prefer a blessing (“keep your hands down” or some other such instruction).

I hope that you and your DS get a warm welcome 😀

CofE parish priest here :-).

There is nothing you need to do except be..... It will be a privilege for the church community to welcome you, and these days no-one cares if you sit, or stand, or anything else at the 'wrong' time. Just try to relax and take what you can from it. The easiest way to signal that you want a blessing rather than communion is to take the service book with you to the altar rail.

Thank you. Feeling more confident now.

I think it threw me a bit that he didn't want to go to the church I know better.

I'm pretty sure the school chaplain will be there so that's one face I'll know at least.

Thought I'd come back and update.

This church has a very small congregation it seems. Everyone came to say hello and introduce themselves. There were only the vicars children and mine so no Sunday school that week. That said, one of the parishioners brought us a box of crayons and some paper. The children loved drawing during the service. My youngest did a picture of Jesus in space to give to the vicar lol.

It was a traditional service too which I tend to prefer. I find more evangelical, modern services harder to attend as a non believer. Eldest and I went for a blessing. Youngest wasn't keen to go up.

One question I had (which DH couldn't answer) I thought you had to be confirmed to take communion, but the service sheet just said baptised. Does that mean the kids could take the bread if they wanted?

They want to go again next week so I'll take them again. I think the service on Easter Sunday could be fun.

I’m glad you went and experienced a warm welcome 😁 Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter) is a special time and a lovely time to get involved. yy many churches will put on something special for children around Easter Sunday. (Easter egg hunt pretty common!)

In terms of who can take communion I used to think as you said that one has to be confirmed to take communion but recent conversations I have had suggested this is not a strict rule. I take communion at services now and I plan to be confirmed in the summer.

In your situation I would ask the vicar what they suggest. I would have thought the expectation would be that the person taking communion have an understanding of what they are doing, theologically it’s a serious undertaking and I would imagine a six year old on the young side to grasp the significance. Six would be young to be confirmed in the C of E. (The C of E website suggests age 10 and above to explore confirmation.)

Hope this helps :)

That's what I thought too. DH was 12 when he was confirmed. I always though baptism was the decision your parents made for you and confirmation was your decision to accept their decision.

I've talked to DS about what it is a bit as he was learning about the last supper at school. He knows what the bread and wine represent but not the spiritual meaning I think. I wonder if his school does any confirmation stuff with them....

DS very proudly says he's a Christian so I suspect he will eventually want to get confirmed.

Officially confirmation is required (or first communion preparation in some CofE and all RC churches) before receiving communion, but individual churches are sometimes more relaxed about this, so it's worth asking.

So pleased it was a positive experience for you.

An increasing number of "higher" C of E churches offer a First Communion for children typically Year 3 plus who then receive communion prior to confirmation.

The Easter service should be good fun. Our church will be doing an Easter egg hunt (saves me doing one at home!)

At our church, we have wardens by the door (that would be me), then sidespeople just inside, and welcomers able to rove. All of these people can answer questions.

They should be able to tell you where and when children's groups are running. In our church, children are dropped off at their groups before the service. At other churches, children do the first 15 minutes in church then leave for their groups.

We print limited service sheets, as everything is projected.

When you stand or sit is announced by the service leader.

If you don't want to receive communion, but want a blessing, just keep your hands down. The particular tradition should be announced (hands down, service sheet, arms crossed)

I would recommend sitting in the back half of church so that you can observe other people.

If the church streams to YouTube, you might be able to watch past services to get a flavour.

Participation of children at the Lord's Table is the gift of the bishop.

I'm really sorry but I'm not sure what that means. Does it mean we'd have to ask the bishop if the children can take communion or does the vicar ask?

@CraftyGin thank you for the longer response too, that is how it was done at the other church I knew better. I've been to a couple of Sunday services there for our banns and the kids christenings. This church was totally new to me, but I did enjoy myself

Our church/diocese (CofE) will let baptised children take communion before confirmation if they are old enough (so generally at least 10 ) and have done the little first communion course that the vicar runs. This is done via school for the CofE school in our benefice and by our vicar at other times for children at other schools in the Benefice.

Not sure what the official stance is but the above arrangement is done in our diocese and approved by the Bishop, which is what a previous poster is alluding to. Confirmation then happens at age of 13+.

The vicar asks, with the support of the PCC (trustees). A church which wants to admit children to communion before confirmation has to seek permission from the Bishop. Before granting permission the bishop must be satisfied that "the parish concerned has made adequate provision for preparation and continuing nurture in the Christian life and will encourage any child admitted to Holy Communion under these Regulations to be confirmed at the appropriate time." The church also has to keep a register of children admitted before confirmation.

There's quite a good explainer from the diocese of Durham here: https://d3hgrlq6yacptf.cloudfront.net/61d750a40a35a/content/pages/documents/admission-of-children-to-holy-communion-before-confirmation-durham-policy-2021.pdf

Speak to the vicar and ask what your particular church does in respect of admission to communion for children because it differs from church to church.