4.5 year old asking about death - we're not religious - any tips on how to talk about this with him?

[Flier]

just that really.

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I was going to start the exact same thread, flier. My 4.5 yo ds is slightly obsessed with death atm - lots of questions about when we die and what happens to us and how old do we have to be etc!

I have just tried to be as straightforward as possible - obviously not going into great detail but being fairly honest about the fact that people die, saying it's usually when they get very old etc etc. He seems okay with it but I'm never quite sure if I'm handling it right!

Thing is, we walk through a churchyard on the way to and from school - he loves reading out the names and dates on the headstones

I think its normal for children to be curious about death. I'd be as straightforward and honest as possible as it prepares them for when pets, friends, grandparents and god forbid siblings or parents die. You can relate it to the circle of life, seasons etc and explain that as well as everyone being different, people also live for different lengths of time. I recently had to explain to my dd about grandparents cat dying and she seemed to take it on board.

thanks snaf and sophierosie.
I was pretty straightforward about it, doing exactly as snaf did, ie people die, but usually when they are very old, and a long time away for my DS, but I'm getting the same q's every day from him, so not sure what else to tell him, really.

I was about 7 when the reality of death really hit me. I remember saying to my dad 'so you mean when I die I will just be dead and in the ground and no one will remember I was here?' and his answer was basically 'yes'.

I cried and cried - but I got over it.

When I have kids I will gently explain that some people belive that you go to heaven, other people belive that you come back and I believe that you stop breathing and your body stops working but that you remain behind in other people's memory until they die and if you have good friendships then they will tell other people all about you.

I won't be doing the heaven stuff because I don't belive in it.

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My son is 3 1/2 and ive got the same problem, talking about death the whole time! a family member died 3 months ago and thats what started the whole death thing! i have told my son heaven is a different place and its a world you can only go to when you die but all the people in heaven are looking down watching him grow up doing all the things he likes and ive told him the stars in the sky are all the people in heaven blowing good night kisses to there loved ones. not 110% truth but neither is santa! and kids grow up so quickly why burden them whith to much truth!

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Seriously, the hardest thing I had to deal with when I ralised what death was (As an atheist) was the idea that one minute I would be there, the next I wouldn't and that's final.

My ds has been asking about this. I tell him that people never really die, they leave an impact in the world. Friends and family will always remember them, when they are older they can do things so other people remember them (like write books or teach). People's bodies die because god wants them back. They've either learned enough on earth and it's their time to go to heaven to share what they have learned or they have had an accident and they've gone back to wherever because god (or buddha or your god if you have one) wants to look after them because their body doesn't work anymore. People die at different ages because some have learned all they need when they are young, others when they are alot older. It's a hard one. Good luck.