Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Flip

Original poster

How do you decide which church to go to. Dh and I have different views.

13 replies

WriggleJiggle · 09/02/2008 20:58

I'm keen to start taking the dc to church, dh is supportive, but its probably not a priority to him. Dh and I have differing views as to which church to go to. I think his view is probably the standard and accepted norm.

dh thinks we should go to the (nearest) village church, because it is the nearest. I think the service there isn't very child friendly.

At the next village there is a very friendly church. We have been there a few times now, and been made to feel really really welcome. They have gone out of their way to welcome having very young children in their church and to reassure us that the occasional noise and so on really isn't a problem at all. However, absolutely everyone else there is over the age of 70.

In the next village on (quite a bit further away), there is a very active church, huge congregation, 3 different children's groups, very mixed age range, very welcoming.

How would you decide? Or would you simply go to the nearest church, because it is the nearest, and thats what you're supposed to do?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 09/02/2008 21:00

hmmmmmm I'm at the church God has told me to stay at.

I'd try all of them out and see which one you feel is right for you as a family.

ibblewob · 09/02/2008 23:18

Loads of pros and cons - I love the fact that we can walk to church, it makes it easier to get involved and we bump into people we know from church in our neighbourhood all the time. However, our church is also massively family friendly which I think is perhaps more important.

TBH though I would probably go to the church my DH wanted us to go to - I think sometimes it's harder to get men enthusiastic about it, so any interest they show should be pounced upon! (Hope that didn't sound too patronizing )

MaryBS · 10/02/2008 08:25

When we started going to our church, it had a family service once a month, and it wasn't that child friendly, but at least the people were welcoming. 2 years later, there are 20 children there, and a Sunday school and SO much more for children.

How old is your DC? I think the choice I'd make would depend on that... at least to start with.

Also, although the service isn't child friendly, are the people friendly? It may be that if everyone went off to the big church and never gave the local church a chance, that's why there are no children there.

Finally, how far away, timewise is the big church?

bobsmum · 10/02/2008 08:39

hI wrigglejiggle

Pray about this one a lot.

Whatever church you stick at will become a spiritual family - a support for you in your own family.

I was really surprised when God told me at 18 to stick it out at a church 10 mins drive away. I'd been part of a student mission there and like the one you've been at - it was very elderly.

But so many of the older ladies were so welcoming to me and were always looking out for me. As a young Christian (young in faith too) I really appreciated their more mature take on life and felt at home there. I stayed there for about 5 years until I got married and moved away, but I'm still in touch with people there.

God surprises us with where He wants us to go. Go with the church that feels like you've come home. It needs to be somewhere that you won't grudge going to on a Sunday, where you can worship together as a fmaily and where you can get involved and contribute to the church community.

In my old lady church there wasn't much activity for 18 year olds, so I joined the choir and helped in the tea room - was a real eye opener, and to my surprise I really loved it and the people there.

ScienceTeacher · 10/02/2008 13:55

I would go to the church that you are most welcome at.

evenhope · 10/02/2008 14:26

I've just started going to our nearest church, just because it is the nearest. It is very family friendly (too much so I think). It is also very happy clappy and only has "new" songs with guitar/ band accompaniment.

Ideally I would rather go to a traditional high church, with bells and incense and traditional hymns, and a sung mass, but those places tend to be intolerant of mobile babies and toddlers. So while we've got a baby to think about I put up with the one that meets the welcoming/ distance requirements.

In direct response to the OP in your case I would go for the one most welcoming. It is a long time to keep children quiet if they expect that, and no fun at all to make the effort to go and get banished outside with a child who isn't.

Original poster

WriggleJiggle · 11/02/2008 14:17

I tried the furthest away chrch again on Sunday. And I'm glad I did because now I know its not the right one. They were really friendly and welcoming, but I don't want dd to go into the creche (with people I don't yet know) and if I go to the chreche it sort of defeats the reason of me going to church. They were lovely in the creche, but there was no 'religious' bit to it at all, it was just a free play session, and if thats what I'm looking for I'll take her to soft play or a friends house. I also don't want to be separated from both dds, I want to go to church 'as a family'. They go out to the various groups after about 10 minutes, and don't come back in to the service at all, so it was as though we were at a toddler group.

Next week I'm going to give the village church another try, but the more I think about it, and after reading what others have posted, I think I might like the oldies church best after all . Looks like dd1 & dd2 may have gained 20 or so new grandparents!

OP posts:

MaryBS · 11/02/2008 16:10

evenhope - our church is high church and very family friendly. While we don't have the bells, we do have the smells sometimes (our Vicar is creeping us higher up the candle, as its called, which suits me ). So don't give up on your "high church", it might still be possible, if that's what you really want!

grannyslippers · 11/02/2008 16:51

You just have to keep trying them out. We have just moved from a church where we stuck it out for 3 years because although they were v. welcoming and child friendly, we actually didn't feel we were connecting spiritually. Now we are at a more modern charismatic church that's a bit more of a drive away but feel much better about it. It was a very hard decision to make.

WJ, you might find that you need to allow some settling down time for the children in the creche, and after a few weeks when they know the helpers they will settle fine. Although it's good to worship as a family you do need time on your own to concentrate too! Our church has recently extended the time the children are in the service to about 40 minutes, so there is "family time" and then age-appropriate activities for everyone.

Hope it works out for you wherever you go!

Mum2Luke · 14/02/2008 14:52

I go to a church in the nearest town to where we live, the local ones are just not for me, I tried 3 of them before settling in the one I'm in and I've been here 17 yrs!

I help in the creche at the moment and I find thats where I'm happy, its only once a month on the rota and the same children come in so we know them anyway. Sometimes I do activities with them, we don't have a long service so its hard to know what to do with them in 25-30mins.

We have the first 40 mins as family worship, the pastor usually does the kid's talk and he's good at it too as he is young. We have visiting preachers too and they do quizzes and involve the children which is nice. They are, after all the future of the church aren't they?

Original poster

WriggleJiggle · 17/02/2008 13:42

Dh thought it odd that we 'shop around' before choosing a church, but it sounds a sensible option to me. I agree some time without children sounds good, but for me I think it needs to be a decent length of family time and then creche, rather than 10 minutes, then an hour out.

OP posts:

ScienceTeacher · 17/02/2008 13:54

At our church, children are in for the first 20 minutes then go to their own groups. This doesn't sound like much time, but we have lots of family services where they are in for the whole time - there are about 17 or 18 Sundays which we have as all-age (they are chaotic in a church with about 300 children).

In the other weeks, our sermons are very heavy, and the services long.

PetLamb · 27/02/2008 21:46

I'm in the Orthodox church, which is traditionally very family-oriented. My church is half an hour's drive away but very friendly and welcoming, and there are people of all ages there. Our priest always says he could conduct a service through a hurricane so niosy toddlers don't bother him at all. The service lasts over an hour and a half, but you can actually turn up when you like, so you can arrive 15 minutes before the end if you have a noisy little one!

Flip