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Original poster

Do most Christians think evangelising when someone dies is ok?

40 replies

buckeejit · 08/02/2023 21:31

I buried my wonderful father today, 13 months after burying my mother. My mum's death was expected & we nursed her for months, my dad was sudden.

He was a very Godly man, I'm from a staunch Presbyterian family. I don't attend church any longer, my beliefs have evolved to be more liberal & I find it frustrating at best to listen to sermons-haven't heard anyone that I genuinely enjoyed listening to in years and just don't agree with so much of the focus on 'ye must be born again'. My brother is a preacher also.

I received a card to my dad's house addressed to me & my family, not my 3 siblings. Inside the sympathy card was a letter from some not close friend of dad's & someone I couldn't pick out from a line up, although know of them & have possibly met them. The letter went on to detail the story of the dying man who said to each of the children in turn, 'see you in the morning a,b & c....but not you x because you're not saved & wont be in heaven'
Then I think it basically urged me to think on & what my dad would have wanted. I scrunched up the letter & not sure if I've binned it but will look for it.

I did not need this shit today. I find attempting to manipulate people's grief to drum up business is repugnant. Why not just say 'I'm praying for you' & try to be supportive rather than this?

I hate the thought of her repeating this behaviour-that this is something she feels appropriate to send to someone she barely knows at such a time. It's really added a lot of negativity to my day.

Do you think her letter is appropriate & ok? I'm thinking of writing back to her.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/02/2023 15:23

So sorry.

I had someone at work do this when my lovely GF died. I was livid, especially as he was a lifelong atheist. Fortunately I told a lovey Christian friend at work and he had a quiet word. I think the quiet word was, "FFS you're making us all good bad" Grin

I hope you get a chance to heal and grieve.

LifeExperience · 09/02/2023 15:29

Devout Christian here. It is completely inappropriate and cruel. The most important commandment for Christians is to love one another. Hitting a grieving person with a "you're gonna rot in hell" speech violates that commandment in the worst possible way.

pikiwop54 · 09/02/2023 15:45

That's not a message from a Christian. That's a message from an absolute fucking prick masquerading as one.

It was a message from an absolute fucking prick who is also a Christian.

PotatoFacedWombat · 09/02/2023 15:52

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, and sorry that you have had to face this kind of bullshit. I do not get how people get to the point that they feel superior enough to do this kind of thing to someone who is grieving. It's the opposite of humility.

Similar happened when I lost my mother. She was very very young (as was I, of course) and one of her co-workers sent a condolence card. In it, she wrote about how the lord doesn't inflict diseases upon those who are without sin. My mum had died of cancer.

Their boss came round to visit the family and I showed her the card and told her how fucking horrific that was for us. She was horrified and I think the sender of the card was given the third degree. But still, it sticks in my mind as one of the most unkind and frankly Godless things I've come across irl.

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 16:02

I think that was nasty. I always liked this saying from St Francis of Assisi “Share the gospel at all times, and, if necessary, use words.” Some people would be wise to think about it.

I'm sorry for your loss and sorry someone said that to you. It wasn't a very Christian thing to do in my opinion.

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 16:04

PotatoFacedWombat · 09/02/2023 15:52

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, and sorry that you have had to face this kind of bullshit. I do not get how people get to the point that they feel superior enough to do this kind of thing to someone who is grieving. It's the opposite of humility.

Similar happened when I lost my mother. She was very very young (as was I, of course) and one of her co-workers sent a condolence card. In it, she wrote about how the lord doesn't inflict diseases upon those who are without sin. My mum had died of cancer.

Their boss came round to visit the family and I showed her the card and told her how fucking horrific that was for us. She was horrified and I think the sender of the card was given the third degree. But still, it sticks in my mind as one of the most unkind and frankly Godless things I've come across irl.

That is a terrible thing to say. My grandmother was a wonderful woman with a strong faith, she also died with cancer. I wonder how that woman explains little babies getting diseases, how have they sinned.

gogohmm · 09/02/2023 16:32

It's very inappropriate in my book but unfortunately some people from the more extreme edge of Christianity seem to think it's ok.

The worst example I have from a funeral (occupational hazard) is a grandmother who was a pastor shouting hallelujah rejoice let celebrate her granddaughter's ascension into heaven... we were completely shocked despite working in a church for 15 years and i ended up trying (and failing) to deal with the fall out comforting the mother (her mil was preaching) - I'm still in contact with the mother, she split from the father shortly after, it wasn't something she could forgive and he backed his mum. So sad

Sistanotcista · 09/02/2023 16:39

So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved father, and condolences also on the loss of your mum. You've had a tough time. This letter was totally unhelpful, inappropriate, and unnecessary. The bible says that there is a time and a place for everything - this was neither the time nor the place for this awful woman to write to you. I hope that you have good people around you who can offer genuine support and love.

Alliswells · 09/02/2023 18:42

pikiwop54 · 09/02/2023 15:45

That's not a message from a Christian. That's a message from an absolute fucking prick masquerading as one.

It was a message from an absolute fucking prick who is also a Christian.

They are not a Christian

They are masquerading as a Christian and that has filled them full of superiority that they can hurt someone who's grieving. Nothing Christian about the person at all. Not one bit

PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2023 18:50

I'm so sorry for your loss and the strain pain this has loaded onto you.

I had something incredibly crass said to me by the local vicar when Dh died, but it came from a caring place. This letter came from a bitter, judgemental place and has nothing to do with any true spirituality.

jellybe · 09/02/2023 19:58

No. I don't. I think showing care and compassion for what the grieving family is going through is what is needed. My believes are not needed unless I know the family share them.

pikiwop54 · 09/02/2023 20:59

Alliswells · 09/02/2023 18:42

They are not a Christian

They are masquerading as a Christian and that has filled them full of superiority that they can hurt someone who's grieving. Nothing Christian about the person at all. Not one bit

Show quote history

Just because they did something you don't like doesn't mean they're not a Christian.

Snugglemonkey · 09/02/2023 21:56

I think this is disgusting behaviour and I have zero respect for this kind of person. It doesn't even fit with Christian teachings. I am an atheist. Actually I really dislike organised religion, mostly due to this type of thing. I got so sick of having things pushed at me, I won't allow family to have any kind of religious discussion with DC.

As to writing back, do it if it would make you feel good. If it will wind you up more, it is not worth the mental energy. She is very unlikely to change anyway. She will do it again, because it makes her feel superior.

Notaboutyouthistime · 09/02/2023 21:58

Awful behaviour from her.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do not give this another second's thought. You won't change anyone but you will exhaust yourself.

Piffle11 · 09/02/2023 22:05

I am so sorry for your loss - I am currently going through something similar.

What that person did is absolutely not right. I am not a religious person, I was not brought up in a religious household. I always thought that religion was supposed to bring comfort to people… It always amazes me when people use it in order to belittle or shame others.

I feel it always says more about the person spewing this rubbish than the person it is aimed at.

Take a few days, and if you want to reply, do so - I'm sure there is a passage in the Bible about being kind and offering comfort to the bereaved. Perhaps you could send that back to her.

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