Any Witches Here?- Part 18

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..
This is the 17th thread- anyone looking for a deep dive into juicy magical topics may like to browse previous threads.....
It is a long list!!
Part 1 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3241689-Any-witches-here?pg=1
Part 2
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3338025-Any-Witches-Here-Part-2?pg=1
Part 3
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3366411-Any-Witches-Here-Part-3?pg=1
Part 4
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3404406-Any-Witches-Here-Part-4-Edited-by-MNHQ?pg=1
Part5
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3437092-Any-Witches-Here-Part-5?pg=1
Part 6 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3482023-Any-Witches-Here-Part-6?pg=1
Part 7 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3520269-Any-Witches-Here-Part-7?pg=1
Part 8 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/a3568622-Any-Witches-Here-Part-8?pg=1
Part 9 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3637696-Any-Witches-Here-Part-9?pg=1
Part 10
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3726266-Any-Witches-Here-Part-10
Part 11
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3850635-Any-Witches-Here-Part-11
Part 12
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3997761-Any-Witches-Here-Part-12
Part 13 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4116107-Any-Witches-here-Part-13
Part 14www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4213962-Any-Witches-Here-Part-14
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4328830-Any-Witches-Here-Part-15?msgid=113505801
www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4435233-Any-Witches-Here-Part-16?page=40&reply=118807589

www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4598225-any-witches-here-part-17?page=40&reply=122990208

Yes, fashion baffles me. I like what i like, classic lines, or just plain comfortable. I find office standard clothing annoying. Never fits right.

But i am not extreme in my difference, and i think a lot of it has to do with childhood trauma about never being able to find clothes that fit because I am short bodied, long limbed and in my youth super skinny i'd like to go back to skinny tbh for health and comfort in my own body reasons

Only time that i consider what is "normal" is work environment where there are professional standards and then my comfort zone is a uniform so i dont have to think.

Life's too short for uncomfortable clothes! Especially uncomfortable shoes. I've never had my nails done, I hardly ever have a haircut, my eyebrows are my normal eyebrows. I've been wondering if I already look 'alternative' without realising it.

I had a difficult relationship with clothes through my youth as I am petite and was so skinny that nothing ever fit me comfortably. And we were poor so I lived in hand-me-downs from family. I discovered in my late teens and early 20s that original 70s clothes fit my frame wonderfully and the only modern thing on my body at that point was underwear and footwear (though I did have plenty of vintage shoes and boots too, it was all very cheap to buy back then)
I maintained my love of vintage and so have always had a style quite distinct to me, but I have lots of friends who are artists in one form or another so we're an interesting looking bunch for the most part.
As I got older and wider this style has morphed a little more into me wearing dresses and skirts for comfort and I howled with laughter when I saw a photo of me from a school event and I realised I have turned into Molly Weasley!

I think I shall aim for 'interesting looking' too 😊

I am not an "alternative " dresser at all.
Half the time I am in yoga gear, the other half is cosy comfortable.
I love neutral and natural colours, so often wear cream/oatmeal/stone/mocca.
I rarely wear bright clours- maybe abroad on holiday.
I do my own eyebrows, keep up with my grey roots, and have just had my nails done- I love the BIAB product- but again just a sheer gloss gel on top.s

Similar to Speakout I dress to be comfortable. Most of the time I wear either gym gear or leggings and a jumper. Today I'm wearing Primark Cosy leggings and a lovely warm coffee coloured jumper. I like my clothes to be soft and can't cope with anything digging in!

I like to get dressed up when I go out, normally long dresses and boots. I rarely wear jeans nowadays as find it so hard to get ones that fit well.

I used to be more alternative in my late teens. I grew up during the time when grunge was fashionable, so lots of tie dye, stripy tights, patchwork skirts, DMs, etc!

VioletCharlotte I wear the primark cosy leggings too- the fur lined ones?

I wear them for yoga too- I feel the cold badly and many of my classes seem to be in frigid gym halls. I started wearing them after lockdown, we would have to excercise in a hall with all windows and doors open- even if it was bitter outside. I now have several pairs.

Me too VioletCharlotte, I really wish I'd kept my DMs and original band t-shirts!

Jeans and sweatshirts here. Today i met a 400 year old oak tree and said hello

Forgot picture

Oooh what a beautiful tree! Majestic

I have long, unfashionably wildly curly hair. Being tall I favour swishy, flowing fabrics, bell sleeves and prints - or tunics with leggings. I like chunky, artisan silver jewellery, DMs and Converses. Not forgetting walking boots, fast wicking pants and Gortex, and I'm also partial to the 'Passenger' clothing line.

I probably look like a throwback from the 90s. WTH, eh? 😀

I’m another for comfort first. At home I’m in old t shirts and joggers, at work trousers and tops or dresses with pockets and always comfy shoes or boots. Colour is important to me, although I do wear a lot of black. I like lots of greens in particular.

And always have a colour coordinated selection of crystals somewhere on me! I use colour and the colour of art takes to help me set my day intentions.

What an utterly fabulous tree! That’s proper cheered me up.

You all sound like a stylish and original bunch. I tend to have themes, for want of a better term! Grew up on jumble sales and Oxfam as the only places I could afford to shop (nowadays it’s eBay). As a result I have an ‘eclectic’ style. On any given day, it might be dungas and a stripy tee shirt, Toast-style dress and brogues or tie die and doc Martens. People do comment on my clothes and jewellery. No doubt I am considered a bit odd or eccentric, none of which bothers me in the slightest!

I live in leggings, jeans, DM type boots and baggy jumpers in winter, linen trousers, baggy tops and converse (not real) in summer.

I bought myself some lovely red leather and wood clogs, and wanted them so much to fit, but sadly they had to go back. Cursed with wide and tender feet!

I recently discovered Sondeflor and they have some dresses I just adore but the price is a bit eyewatering and I just can't bring myself to spend that much on one item of clothing.
Mind you I also covet owning something by The Vampire's Wife.
I really ought to get to grips with making my own clothes, but my brain always feels too full of other stuff to learn it.

I do also have a 'uniform' of black camo trousers and a comfy sweatshirt which is merch from my favourite musician. This is my gardening/outdoorsy/DIY daily outfit. I saw a meme once with Helena Bonham Carter which said she had two 'modes'....English Gothic Beauty and Gives Zero F*%£s - I kind of think this sums me up, though even in my non scruffy mode comfort is a priority. I live in chunky boots, even with a pretty dress!

I don't really know what my style is. I just have to have a bit of green somewhere. I am, unfortunately, repulsed by my mirror image which makes finding a style hard.

I am feeling very sad today. I feel like I carry around this burden of constant guilt because of all the things I can't do. I can't fix our house because of my dyspraxia (builders won't touch it, too complicated) so it's all on DH. I can't teach the DC to eat a variety of food. I'm a SAHM so I should be a better housekeeper and able to meal plan properly and get the children out the door and to school on time and a decent bedtime. I do my best and mostly we succeed at being on time but it is such a struggle. Ditto with bedtimes. And I end up dreading cooking, morning, and evening.

Sometimes I think that if I just had one domestic thing that I was good at, it would help. But I can't sew or mend or anything.

I just wish I felt more useful and less like a millstone. And I don't know what to do about it.

I am telling you all because you feel safe.

ISaySteadyOn I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this, but glad you have opened up to us- you are safe here.
You sound weary, trying so hard to do things the right way and feeling that you are not meeting expectations.
Being a SAHM can be really hard, our world shrinks and things seem cluttered, repetitive, and give little satisfaction. I was a SAHM for many years and I often struggled.
I don't want to wade in and give tips for bedtimes or mealtimes- although there may be things that can help, but it sounds like you could do with a shot of self compassion.
Finding ways to love and care for yourself can help deal with difficult circumstances.
That can come in many shapes, and look different for all of us.
Prioritising your own needs is not a selfish act. If we can find a little joy in our lives then our loved ones benefit indirectly too. We have more energy, we find humour more easily.
For me self compassion is many things- one is dealing with the inner critic. That voice that tells you all the negative things, undermines your confidence, your self view, it hold us back with ropes of fear and self doubt. The inner critic has a friend in anxiety, and these chums enjoy prodding us for rumination, deepening negative patterns.
We are all amazing people. Truly.
Can you carve some time in your week to claim as your own? Move towards activities that will nurture you and help you fill your own cup?
Many of the things I do are also tied to my magical practice.

Loving ourselves as women is discouraged in our society, and I suspect I know the reason why. Because self love fans the fire of strength in women, strong women want to help their sisters fan their own fires.
Do keep chatting ISaySteadyOn we want to support you.

ISaySteadyOn I wish I could give you a big hug and say that I hear you. I really do understand what you are saying, I feel very similar. The guilt becomes all consuming if you let it. Apart from Mumsnet I generally avoid social media and this has helped a lot. SM is full of images of 'people being better than me' and even though I know it's generally BS, it's very hard to keep perspective when you are feeling low.

Let's tackle one thing together, as a team. Which element is worrying you the most?

Isaysteadyon** your post was sad to read. You're very hard on yourself. The words that jump out at me though are 'I do my best'. This is enough. We're our own harshest critics, and our inner voice can be very tough. But perhaps try talking to yourself like you would a good friend... if a friend came to you and said 'I'm feeling useless and like I'm a bad mum, I'm doing my best but I'm really struggling', what would you say to her?

It's not easy to be a stay at home mum with small children, it's often exhausting, relentless and thankless. I know that finding time for yourself is often easier said than done, but see if you can find a little time for self care, even if it's just having a warm shower in the evening when the children are in bed, putting in soft pjs and wrapping yourself in a blanket. Try and be kind to yourself xx

Tbh, they're not small anymore though there was a time I had 3 under 3. Not that I remember it, of course, being in a sleep deprived fog.

I do feel lifted slightly for having written it out. Some of it I know stems from feeling the guilt for not being career ambitious. The ironic thing I guess is that I feel guilty for having wanted exactly what I have now. I never really wanted more than a family, a house and a garden to look after. And really, when I am not feeling angry with myself, I feel incredibly blessed and lucky.

I spiral, I think. It goes from one issue and then they all come running together. Today's feeling came from yesterday and I think it boils down to supper. I have things I can cook with my eyes shut, but yesterday, I could not think. Then I found something, got excited about it, and deflated when I realised that the children would never eat it. So I completely lost momentum. And this happens too often. Our whole family is on the ASD spectrum which makes it harder, I think.

If I could manage to do meals the children would eat at decent times, I think bedtimes might be easier. I don't know.

But I am going to spend time gardening today.

VioletCharlotte I agree. Being a "good enough" mum is OK- in fact it is desirable- a "perfect" mother is not what children need.
Our children won't suffer being fed frozen pizza or a ready meal a couple of times a week, unmade beds won't damage children and I suspect most people don't meal plan- although if that helps you then good.
I'm not particulary good at any domestic tasks, I can't bake, I can't knit, I am not great at DIY. My cupboards are chaotic and I don't own an iron.

But I give good cuddles, I encourage puddle jumping, and if a child wants to build a house make of crackers under the television I can bring icing.
My garden is full of weeds and leaves, but the birds and squirrels visit because I feed them. I can do good monster noises and know how to walk backwards up a hill.

ISaySteadyOn you are enough. You are doing a lot for your family and they love you. You are important and worthy. Take up space.

ISaySteadyOn I am a SEN parent too, so I totally get it. And the sleep deprived years were just awful, I don't think I've recovered yet! I very much understand what you mean about the food. I've spent a long time beating myself up about why I can't get my children to eat pesto pasta, bolognese, pizza... because ALL children like those foods, right? Not in our house... because autism means only a very few foods are acceptable. I've made my peace with it and we just aim to eat more of the acceptable healthier things if we can. I tend to make myself the nice foods, and remind myself that it is important that I model the behaviour of eating new foods, even if nobody else will even consider trying it. And that's enough for now. We aim for full bellies and a good bedtime, that's been the mission for some time now.

@ISaySteadyOn I feel so much of what you say. I especially identify with your words about not being career motivated and having the home life you wished for, but not feeling content with it. It's more exhausting, both physically and mentally, than whole decade I was self-employed and my days started at 4am and ended at 9pm (if I was lucky) 7 days a week.

Food - thinking/buying/preparing is something I used to embrace but the monotony of it wears you down. Add in personal tastes and it's hard. My eldest wouldn't eat beans, pasta, only one very specific cheese, didn't like soup or eggs. That quite quickly rules out a lot of 'easy' dinners.
My eldest has left home, my youngest is 10. He has his little foibles (we now suspect ASD) and honestly I feel like when they were younger it was easier to fit them to my routine. Now I have to cope with the endless changes of clubs/homework/parties etc and I am floundering without routine. I am absoluely certain I have ADHD, but cannot even get on a waiting list for diagnosis.

Today is particularly hard. We were in Sheffiled for Young Voices on Thursday, a brilliant opportunity for my son. But it meant we weren't home until 11.30pm. Up as usual for school and then last night after an hour of trying to settle him in bed I gave up and spent from midnight to 3am on the sofa with DS as he has earache again. I am VERY tired today and have errands I cannot avoid, but after that I will be having a nap as I suspect tonight will be unsettled too.