Catholic Christening - how does it work if the mother is atheist?!

[slowlearner]

DH is Catholic but I'm atheist. DH wants DD to be christened, which I've agreed to as it's important to him. However I just looked up online what the ceremony will involve and it's quite full-on -www.babyguideuk.com/birth/articles/naming_romancatholic.asp
I really can't lie and pretend I believe in God/Jesus/repent of my sins etc. Does anyone know how it works if only one parent is Catholic - does the other pretty much just stand and watch? Also is it strict that the godparents have to be confirmed Catholics? thanks!!

You need one godparent to be Catholic but others can be other christian denominations. I don't know how it would work with you being an atheist. I would ask the Priest if I was you.

I am not sure I would agree if I were in your position. Can you not compromise and just have a thanksgiving blessing? We had a blessing for ds as I have beliefs but did not feel that I could make the commitment that having a christening requires and dh is an atheist. I belive it is true that the godparents have to be confirmed catholics. I was christened catholic and I never really knew my godparents as they were not close to my parents, my parents had chosen them because they did not have many catholic family members or friends.

all my dc are baptised roman catholics,dh is catholic and really wanted them to be i had to attened 2 classes with the priest to have everything explained,you could have a word with him theyb never minded me not being rc,as for your godparents i think only a few were rc ,its not as strict as it used to be but having a word with your local priest will put your mind at rest

AFAIK (and i'm not RC, am lapsed Baptist, but a friend of mine was in your position) both parents have to make the promises. you might find a sympathetic priest who agrees to fudge the service, but what i know of RC is fairly dogmatic - you have to stick to the rules and that's that. my godchildren were christened in a Catholic service, and i had to make the promises. i wouldn't do it now, but i was much younger and i didn't really know what it entailed. if i was in your position, i would ask the priest exactly what the service entails - you might be surprised by his flexibility! HTH

Yes, they are strict that the godparents have to be confirmed Catholics. The priest will want to hear from you that you are happy for your children to be raised as Catholics and taken to mass etc. Can't help you on exact wording, but agree that you wouldn't really be expected to be involved except possibly by confirming your consent.

afaik, its very unusual to refuse a baptism on any grounds. In fact, priests can (or used to be able to) baptise without parental consent if a childs life was in danger. This might have changed now as limbo is no longer acepted.

Do you intend to send your child to go to a catholic school?

Our priest was pretty relaxed over godparents. He did advise that at least one godparent ought to be baptised Catholic (not confirmed) but wouldn't have ushed it. We had 4 godparents, all were baptised but only was baptised catholic.

I was baptised (and confirmed) CoE; DH baptised catholic. Neither of us are regular church goers.

Our ceremony was quite informal. It was a private ceremony for just DD and our family/friends. We chose a reading, which a relative read out. There was no mass or anything else attached - just the baptism service.

A friend of ours had their children baptised in CoE church. She is religious; DH not. Their vicar was more than willing to have the children baptised, and for the father to not actually say the vows - just the mum and godparents.

You need to speak to the priest.

Yes, they are strict that the godparents have to be confirmed Catholics. - At our church, only one has to be a catholic although all have to be christian.

The priest will want to hear from you that you are happy for your children to be raised as Catholics and taken to mass etc. - this is the same at our church, as lo9ng as you support the decision for the child to be brought up as a catholic then I think the priest should support you and your dh

Probably depends on the priest/parish. A friend of mine who is Jewish (but non-practising I think) had her son baptised - her dh was raised a catholic - again is probably non-practising - but they wanted to welcome their child into her dh's family in the way that was traditional for them - iyswim. I can't remember if she said the words with gusto, mumbled something or said nothing! Tbh I don't know if the priest was even aware she was not catholic - or cared. But this was not in the UK and they are a bit more laid-back about these things there!

We are in the same position as you - DH Catholic, me atheist. DS was christened last year, both his godparents are Catholic. I was told that you must be Catholic to be a godparent - if you are CofE etc technically you are a "Christian Witness".

I didn't say the words in the service, the bishop was fine (he also married us, knows our situation). He knows that I am happy for DS to become Catholic, and he will go to Catholic school - I think that was the main thing for him.

Thanks for answers so far.... In answer to a couple of queries, no we're not planning on sending her to a Catholic school, and no, DH would not accept a compromise such as a thanksgiving blessing, and I wouldn't expect him to either - after all I knew what I was letting myself in for marrying a Catholic

I know we need to ask the priest really but I find it really awkward and embarrassing. We had a Catholic wedding and the priest was really accepting of the fact that I wasn't Catholic and I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable at all. However the wedding vows don't ask you to specifically state you believe in God etc and that's the bit I really couldn't do, especially not in front of people who know it's just not true! Also we've moved area since then so it's not the same priest unfortunately.

If you have had a Catholic wedding then you must have promised to raise your children as Catholics so the Priest can't really refuse to baptise them. If the priest isn't nice to you you could always go back to the one who married you. Most priests want to baptise babies.

I was at a christening recently where the situation was the same as lapin's - dad RC, mum atheist. She did not say the promises either. The godparents did, so did the dad, all went very well
Perhaps you can answer this question for me lapin, or slowlearner...if you are an atheist, even if you decline to say the promises in the service on principle, how do you feel about the fact that your child is now a baptised Christian? I am not trying to pick a fight, more looking for tips about how I can fulfill my role as a godmother without really getting on the mother's nerves
I have not had a chance to discuss this with the mum yet, but I want her to understand that when I go about my godparently duties, I'm not trying to cause trouble or dissent IYSWIM. But for my other godchildren I tend to send Baptism Anniversary cards, and good quality Christian storybooks at Christmas and Easter. I am now wondering whether that is going to irritate
Call me naive but I had not realised until recently and this thread, that confirmed atheists with definite views on the matter were prepared to go along with Baptism.
I see a lot of families having babies done where I suspect the Christian commitment side of it all has not really been thought through, but hey ho, we're the C of E and the Established Church so a) we're used to it and b) lots of us are quite happy about that anyway

Hmmm - I am an extremely "resting" Catholic and DH is a big fat nothing (although was baptised as CofE - probably the last time he went to church, aged 6 weeks).

One of my DCs has been baptised as a Catholic and the priest was extremely good about it, given our position. He honestly took the view that anything that brought a child closer to God was a good thing in his view. This was also at a very high Catholic church (although interestingly not one that supports a school, so there is not much by way of "opportunistic" baptisms).

Marina, I'm a baptised Christian too, I just decided when I was about 6 that I didn't believe in God, and I have never wavered from that. Actually, there have been times when I wished I did! I have seen the strength DH draws from his faith, but you can't force yourself to believe something.

I am happy for DS to be raised Catholic, but the agreement I have with DH is that if DS decides at a latter stage that he wants to be atheist/humanist/buddhist/jedi, then that must be respected by both of us. I'm not sure why, but I think it's easier to have a religious background and choose to give it up, rather than be raised without a religion and then choose to follow a faith later in life. But that is just my personal view. .

Anyway, re your question about godparents, I am perfectly happy for DS's godparents to send him anniversary cards, Christian storybooks etc. That's part of their role.

I am actually a godparent to several children (including a couple of Catholics) - I supposed the term shouldn't really be "god"parent. I don't send my godchildren bibles etc, but I do send them good books, they have religious godparents for their religious education, I have another role. Does that make sense?

That is helpful and reassuring thanks lapin and also not far removed from the mum's own circumstances

That is interesting Lapin and pretty close to our own situation.

I thought that it was somehow easier to have Ds baptised to make that an easier route to follow if he so chooses. But it is not a wholly rational view

DH also atheist, he stood at the font and said nothing. Our priest knew his views and was happy with that.

Marina, I hadn't heard of people giving "baptism anniversary" cards before! But if someone did that it wouldn't bother or offend me and I'm happy for godparents to send Christian storybooks etc, it's just that for me that's all they are - "stories" - but nice stories that teach good moral values after all...

As an atheist I always thought I would definitely never get married in a church or have my children christened as it would be somehow hypocritical. However you don't really get to choose who you fall in love with!! We were open with the priest who married us about the fact that I was not not Catholic and not christened so I didn't feel like a hypocrite / fake - it's just something I did for DD as it was important to him. I'm just concerned having read about the christening ceremony as the wording is much more overtly religious than the wedding ceremony, but from some of these posts it sounds as if one parent can be less involved in the ceremony if they're not religious, which is a relief... thanks all!

Lapin - IMO the role of the godparent is to be a good role model and to care for others.and you're certainly that.

Aw, thank you .

Generally I get told I'm responsible for taking 'em to Twickenham

Marina, dh is in that position - atheist-humanist parent with baptised child. He is more than happy for the godparents to do their thing - which includes giving him delightful Christian books and remembering baptism anniversaries. At ds1's baptism he stood at the font, but very slightly apart, and obviously didn't join in with the promises. I expect we will do the same thing with ds2.

I've had both DDs baptised (I'm Catholic). My husband has no religion and it wasn't a problem. The priest made it very clear in the ceremony that it is only baptised catholics who make the promises if they wish, but both of us stood at the font and dh held DD2 while the ceremony went on. This is quite a good tactic because the non Catholic can be looking at the baby and maybe feel less uncomfortable about not saying the words. Don't worry about it - the priests are well used to these situations and usually will make everyone comfortable. Hope you have a lovely day - for us it was a great opportunity to get both sides of the family and close friends together to welcome our children to the world, as well as the ceremony itself.