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Original poster

non catholic child's school doing communion.... HELP!

36 replies

aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 17:06

i don't believe in organised religion. i am a pagan witch and so is my fiancée, however we raised our daughters agnostic because we wanted to give them an equal opportunity to learn about all religions. my older dd, currently 7, is in second class (ireland) and her class is going to make their communion this may. she has come home and told me that her teacher said communion was about accepting god, and asked me if she was allowed to do it. i told her she was allowed to do it, and asked her if she wanted to start being catholic. she said she didn't. she then asked if we could still do it. what do i do?

OP posts:
jellybe · 21/12/2022 17:32

Talk to her about why catholics take communion, what it means to that faith. And how if she doesn't believe then it is maybe not a good idea for her to take part in it as for those who are catholic communion is an important religious practice and as I understand it a time when they literally belief they are consuming the body and blood of Christ.

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 17:34

thanks jellybe, i will talk to her about it, but in ireland it's very common for non catholic children to attend catholic schools and participate in catholic activities. perhaps an alternative for her to do instead?

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Slimjimtobe · 21/12/2022 17:34

My child is in the same class and we got a letter / permission form home in September so I actually think the teacher should not have asked the child but gone through you both

bring it up with them in January
I wouldn’t feel the need to make communion if you don’t believe. You could have a little party and buy her a dress (she could go to the mass to see her friends perhaps)

romdowa · 21/12/2022 17:36

If she hasn't been christened then that will have to be done before she gets communion. Maybe you could explain that to her as well?

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 17:36

thank you, slimjimtobe, i will have a meeting with the teacher. my fiancée agrees with you, we will buy her a white dress, take her to the church to see her friends, and have a party for her without her having the actual sacrament. thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 18:48

@romdowa thank you, i have told her that, we have decided to compromise and me and my fiancée are going to buy dd a white dress, take her to the church to see her friends, and throw a party for her. basically, everything other than the actual sacrament.

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Abhannmor · 21/12/2022 19:07

aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 17:34

thanks jellybe, i will talk to her about it, but in ireland it's very common for non catholic children to attend catholic schools and participate in catholic activities. perhaps an alternative for her to do instead?

My kids were invited to the Communion breakfast which was nice. No pressure to attend the service
Technically I suppose Confirmation is when you formally commit to Christianity?

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 19:09

@Abhannmor yeah, my fiancée and our dds were invited to the communion lunch

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Cuppasoupmonster · 21/12/2022 19:11

She can’t do communion anyway because she isn’t baptised so the whole thing is moot. Just explain it’s what some kids do, but she won’t be doing it unless she decides she wants to when she’s older. No big deal.

Fireflygal · 21/12/2022 19:13

Could she get a blessing instead? Maybe discuss with the teacher.

Does she attend masses at school?

Abhannmor · 21/12/2022 19:14

Cool! My friends DS decided he wanted to get Confirmation. Panic as he hadn't done Communion. Anyway they rushed him through. But he's still basically an agnostic. Just wanted to have a big day with the classmates lol

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:15

She would have to make her Baptism into the Catholic Church before receiving Holy Communion.

If she's doesn't get baptised, she won't be allowed to make her Communion.

In my DDs class one lad got baptised, but in my DSs class a couple didn't. It's your choice and there's no pressure.

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 19:16

@Fireflygal the communion masses haven't started yet, but when they do start in january she will most likely not be attending. we have decided to compromise and get her a white dress, bring her to the church to see her friends, let her be in the class pictures, attend the school communion lunch, and have a party, she won't be taking part in the actual ceremony though.

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Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:17

@aoibhacado have you asked the school/Priest if this is allowed?

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 19:20

@Dacadactyl i will meet with the priest, principal, nun and teacher in january, we know definitely that she will be having a party in the house, and they already said anyone in the class can come to the lunch, but we will have to ask about coming to the church. :)

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oswego · 21/12/2022 19:22

I grew up in Ireland and can remember non catholic classmates coming to our communion dressed up in colourful party dresses, there was no issue and we got lots of lovely photos. I think your plan sounds perfect.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:24

@aoibhacado it would be unusual (and by that i mean i have never heard of it before) for the child to come to the Church and not take part in receiving the Sacrament)

But you sound as though you will be speaking to the right people about it in January.

ZenNudist · 21/12/2022 19:26

As she's not baptised Catholic she cant do it. If you were Catholic you'd have to attend church as well. It's not just a party.

Don't buy her a white dress. Get her a nice party dress in a different colour. She's going to feel pretty conspicuous sat down when all the other children go up plus its a bit odd being in the pictures if not actually doing it. Is a bit like turning up at a wedding dressed as a bride.

I'm not sure they'd have her at the communion breakfast. They don't at our school. So make sure you prepare her for that. Orcheck with the teacher.

I think going along to the mass is a good idea and if you have any mum friends at the school maybe enquire what parties are going on so she might be able to go to say her best friends party. Some people just have small family gathering and some have a big bash. I'd be glad to invite my sons friends as most people celebrate with their families but its much more fun for the kids to have friends along.

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 19:28

@ZenNudist the school has already said that students that aren't taking part in the ceremony are allowed in the pictures and at the lunch. i will probably reconsider the white dress and let her pick another colour. thanks!

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donquixotedelamancha · 21/12/2022 19:30

we have decided to compromise and get her a white dress, bring her to the church to see her friends, let her be in the class pictures, attend the school communion lunch, and have a party, she won't be taking part in the actual ceremony though.

What? You are going to turn up at the Communion with her in a white dress? Won't the communion lunch be for the families of the children?

By all means encourage her to go to mass to support her friends if she wants to but pretending she's part of the event and having a party for her afterwards is nuts. Quite apart from potentially causing offence it's teaching her a terrible lesson.

donquixotedelamancha · 21/12/2022 19:31

Cross post above. I think changing the dress is a very good idea. I really would emphasise to her that it's about supporting her friends for their special thing.

Original poster
aoibhacado · 21/12/2022 19:32

@Dacadactyl surprisingly, not that unusual! even in the early 2000s there was a muslim girl in my class who came along to see us make our communions and celebrate alongside us. dds school is very inclusive and not a diehard catholic school, it only really teaches religion in second and sixth class for communion and confirmation, and it invites every student to the communion celebration regardless of whether they are making the sacrament or not. wish more schools were like that tbh.

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Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:40

@aoibhacado while I appreciate what you are saying, I would bet my house the Muslim girl did not have the dress etc.

Inviting to the party afterwards is a different kettle of fish entirely.

I am curious as to why you picked a Catholic school over one that is non-denominational? Please understand I do not mean to sound goady, I am genuinely curious as to your reasons.

ZenNudist · 21/12/2022 19:43

I think its very inclusive and kind to not exclude children from the breakfast.

Quite apart from the wherefores of having a party for someone else's celebration I don't think any of her friends will be available if the are having their own family celebration.

My ds2 had a FHC separate from his friends as we were on holiday for the class mass sadly. Anyway it was great as all his friends could come to his party and only had to vye with one other child for invitees.

I know you don't want her to feel left out. I'm sure it will be fine.

mishmased · 21/12/2022 19:45

@Dacadactyl I'm in Ireland and catholic schools are the majority. None denominational schools are very oversubscribed for example the 'educate together' is non denom but very oversubscribed. Mine go to a very good catholic school and my child is in second class. We got a slip to sign if we will be partaking or not. My older child was the same, form sent in signed and sent back to teacher.

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