Theology question from daughter that I cannot answer.

[jeremyspants]

My daughter asked me "Why are some people good and others bad"
I really am stumped at an explaination.
She wonders if they are born that way or do they change because of how they live/learn/choose to be.

She also reckons that people who have been really bad in their lives will be fed poisoned broccoli for ever after they die!

Interesting question. I think I would suggest that it isn't the person that is intrinsically bad it is the actions that are bad.

If people do bad things it is often because they have never had the guidance about what good and bad behaviour is.

Depending on the age of your daughter I would keep it short - there are obviously lots of books written about nature and nurture.

I am not a christian but I would answer that it can be both - that people can be born with a predisposition towards certain faults (like a short temper) but that it's life that helps us learn to control these faults (or not) and makes us develop in certain ways.

If she has siblings you could explain that although you have taught them all the same things they have different characters. But you could also explain that sometimes people can find it hard to be good because there is no-one there to help them.

How old is she btw?

She is eleven but has learning difficulties and has been assessed as having a comprehension age of six. That said, I find her spiritual nature and natural inquisitiveness far more advanced than my son of 25.
I did explain about being taught right from wrong - with particular emphasis on the importance of praising what is right.
Our culture is fairly insular here ie extremely remote, therefore she never has an insight into more 'streetwise' things or multicultures.

I think the 'from birth' issue stemmed from her seeing her baby brother throw a strop (explained 'frustration and not born evil' to her).

Can you recommend any good books as a means of illustration when we talk of these matters with her?

well this is a hot topic generally isn't it? Different people have different opinions - you could explain that. Which do you personally think has more effect - heredity or environment? You could give her different made up examples and ask her to think about whether the person's upbringing and experience has affected their behaviour.

I would ask her what she means by 'bad'. She might mean that Jake hit her with a lorry at pre-school, or she might mean that Saddam Hussein's actions were inexplicable. I would adjust my response accordingly.

Oh sorry you said she is 11.

I would say that no one is born bad, but people can choose which actions they take.

I would want to know exactly what sort of examples she was thinking of, though.

She is deeply troubled after completion of a project on WW2. She was thrown into confusion by the two examples given i.e."Who drank, smoked, went with ladies and did not go to church"? Churchill, but he was good.
Hitler on the other hand would not harm animals, was vegetarian, church goer, teetotal etc.
I had asked the school to show me the content of the lessons so as I could prepare her for the extremes of emotion that this subject would unleash but they did not honour my request.

Yes, justabout, reassurance seems to be the keystone here.
Many of the children I have met who have had learning difficulties have had very low self esteem and it is sometimes difficult for them to assess when their normal everyday feelings are perhaps put to the test eg "Joe hit me and I hate him" ergo they feel bad for hating.

It is maybe an extreme illustration but things tend to be either black or white. Trying to reach the middle ground in a non alarmist way whilst instilling a strong moral path, reassurance etc, can be difficult.

I tend to talk about inside motivations with both my smaller children and the members of my family that have learning difficulties.

But, like everyone has said, a lot of it depends on what your own views are and whether or not you want to present the whole spectrum of other beliefs.

We say that everyone is born with the steering wheel inside us a bit wonky, so that instead of always wanting to do good, we can veer to doing and wanting what isn't good at all - sometimes even if we want to steer differently.

Sometimes we can be helped to steer right by other people - parents, teachers, policemen and so on. But sometimes, even if we have all the help we can get, because the steering is a bit broken, we go down roads we really shouldn't. And of course, if no-one has helped us at all, and actually deliberately done more damage to our steering, then it's often a big mess.

"went with ladies" ? LOL is it me or is that rather amusing

my ds asked me this a few years ago and I explained that all people have good and bad in them just some people choose to be bad sometimes (except Isyed example some people choose not to be good all the time.) We talked about it being hard to be good sometimes etc.

isyed = I used

Thank you all so much for helping us with this. I love the 'steering wheel' aspect, SueBaroo. she will understand that analogy really well.

Yes, FrannyandZooey - that was how it was put to the class and dd was all shocked but had no idea why. I had much explaining to do
It had never crossed dd's mind that this ever happens.

My daughter keeps dipping in and out of this subject (amid making Valentine Cards and frozen kiwi fruit), so it is very much on her mind.