Really struggling with this pregnancy

[stressedoutandalone]

MUMSNET please do not post this on social media.

So, I found out my partner has slept with another women and has been talking online to various others. Initially it came as a shock but after a few weeks of him begging to stay I managed to gather the strength to end the relationship and my plan was to confront him one weekend and ask him to leave. I didn't manage this.

I realised my period was late and have taken a test and it's positive. We already have children.

I was raised in the church. My family are against abortion. I have always been taught it's wrong. My partner (an atheist) is over the moon that we are having a baby but deep down I'm in turmoil.

I'd just got my head around ending this relationship and starting a new life and now I'm pregnant. I don't want to go it alone. I don't want an abortion as morally it's wrong! I can't face a life with 4 children on my own but I can't be with someone I can't trust either.

I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from this post as no one can make the decision for me. I guess I need to write it all down.

Hi, I’m not sure I have any particular advice for you but once I’d seen your post I just couldn’t scroll on past. I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this really difficult situation. Are you a member of a church where you could have a confidential discussion with a women’s worker who might be able to point you in the direction of some help and support?

First of all, you need to ditch the partner. You can't trust him.

You say your family are against abortion but it's you who makes the decision, not them.

You are really caught in the cross hairs here aren't you. 😢
You and your existing 3 children have to come first and if you break down having a fourth with a man who has betrayed you that's not going to work out well, I wouldn't rule out abortion as always the wrong choice, but you need counselling on this quickly to help you reconcile whatever choice you make.
Your dh should know your intentions are in doubt because of his actions I think, protecting him from his own consequences is getting him off the hook. He needs to put in the work to fix this, not just you.

Thankyou for all of your replies. It's taken me this long to even think of replying.

I am thinking seriously about terminating this pregnancy. My friends are supportive of me terminating due to his behaviour and I haven't even told them the full extent.

I can't afford another baby and will more than likely end up single. I never wanted to raise children on my own yet I'm forced into this situation by someone else's actions and another child added to the mix is not good.

Abortion is not morally wrong. You have to make the best decision for you taking into account the whole situation - your health, both physical and mental, and the wellbeing of your three children. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must be so hard x

The reason humans usually have 2 invested parents/wider family is because its bloody hard work raising children and we've evolved to do it in groups not alone.
If the father of this baby has made the raising of it even harder work before it's even born then he can't complain if the mother decides it's too much when she has other children to think of too.
Everyone has limits.
I hope you get through this ok op whatever you decide and if a termination is where you go I don't think anyone would be surprised or blame you.
He has a lot to answer for as you say, actions have consequences and it isn't fair on you or the unborn baby.