R.C. priest and mother's funeral

[Kenton]

My mother's funeral is coming up soon. I have arranged it, carrying out her wishes to the best of my ability. However, I am not at all keen on the parish priest who will be conducting the funeral. I no longer attend church myself, for other unrelated reasons.

I have always thought that this priest treated my parents in a dismissive and off- hand way. I had kind of hoped that when my mother died (father dies some years ago) I could have asked the priest from another parish to conduct the funeral. Unfortunately, before my mother died she was insistent that her funeral service take place at the usual church that she attended. So that is what I have arranged.

I know when the priest has done other family members' funerals over the years my parents always gave the priest a card at the end of the funeral and some money. I will also do this for my mother but I need help with what to say in the card. How can I say thank you, without going too overboard or praising him. I know from past experience I will be left deflated by his behaviour. I'm just looking to put a couple of sentences, at most. Can anybody suggest what I could write in the card? Also, what is the going rate these days for the money given to the priest? Many thanks.

In our area the priest "charges" the CofE fee for a funeral and the undertake settle this and includes it in their invoice so if check with them first.

Re the wording in the card perhaps "Thank you for conducting mum's funeral, and enabling us to carry out her wishes"

sorryiasked thanks for your reply. I like the wording in the card you suggested.

Our local RC priest had a charge that was billed via undertakers, so no need for a cash bung (but gave the alter girls/boys a tenner to thank them). Tbh you don’t need to write to the priest, but if you do then a brief “thank you, it would have meant a lot to my parents”

If you know any other priests you can ask them to do it in your mothers church. It's not an issue.

@Toddlerteaplease it can be an issue a the incumbent priest has to give permission, and can be very offended!

As pp have said, if you're using a funeral director then they will cover the priest's stipend directly from what you pay them, it's included in what they charge you. There's really no expectation that you will give any extra, or a card. In this, funerals differ from the sacraments (except sometimes weddings, where practice varies). Honestly, in your position I wouldn't bother. But if you'd like to give something extra because it's what your parents would have wanted, I'd keep the message simple like 'Thank you for helping with this final farewell for my mother, I know she always appreciated your ministry.'

As previously mentioned, if you're in contact with another priest, it's possible to ask him to conduct the funeral in your parents' parish, although the priest of the parish would have to agree. It would also be possible to ask another priest to concelebrate and preach, with the parish priest as the main celebrant, that would at least mean that the homily would be more meaningful for you.