Housegroup membership issues.

[Crunched]

I was involved at the inception and continue to facilitate a Housegroup loosely linked to the local C of E church.
In the initial year of the group, one of the founding members (I will call her L) was not my cup of tea. I found her dominating, gossipy and knew that some of our comments made within the confidentiality of the group had been passed to others.
I planned that once my maternity leave ended I would exit the group, but L made a house move and I heaved a sigh of relief and continued, gaining much from belonging.
12 years have passed and L has returned to the locality and, as I feared, has mentioned that she plans to return to Housegroup. Only one other of the original members remain and she is a far nicer person than me and I can't see her having issues with L's return. Over the years some of us have had moments of doubting our faith but chatting in a non-judgemental and confidential space has been so helpful and re-affirming.
Our group only has 10 members so, more often than not, 8 or 9 attend our weekly meetings. Unfortunately we have just lost a member so I can't argue that we don't have space for L.
Myself and one other take it in turns to host the group.
Reading this back I can see I either leave, which will make me pretty sad, or suck it up. I can't tell the group I'm unhappy about L re-joining without sounding like a bitter horror, can I?
I feel so gutted.

Tell the others about your misgivings without making it about you. Violatung confidentiality is certainly something you could mention more or less neutrally.

You will both have changed greatly over that time. Perhaps she has mellowed. Perhaps she can teach you something or vice versa

I know I will have to try and be open minded. I could also start the meeting with greetings and a reminder of how important confidentiality is.
I will miss having a safe place to explore faith. Thanks for your input.

Have you confided in your priest/pastor about this situation and asked for his/her advice? If they have had small groups for years I doubt its the first time an issue like this has come up.

Are there other housegroups L could go to? You could say your group has bonded & is not looking for new members. If you're one of the leaders, you can make the rules.

I once belonged to a CofE housegroup which we were all assigned to at the same time, with ages ranging from 20's to 70. We found we were well-matched & could discuss anything with complete honesty & openness, just as you can in your group. There was definitely a questioning/exploring attitude. It was brilliant, & felt natural.

Then one day someone higher up in the church dropped in to attend a meeting. They didn't like what they saw: people getting on with things & NOT SINGING (the horror!!).

Our group was immediately disbanded & against our protests & entreaties we were all assigned to different, more traditional groups. DH & I were put in a fuddy-duddy, line-toeing one which did the required singing at the start of every meeting, complete with electronic keyboard. We couldn't stand it, & decided to arrive at a time when we knew the singing was over. That didn't work, as they very sweetly (!) saved some choruses so that we could join in once we got there.😂 We just stopped going, so we completely lost a spiritual resource. Thanks, overcontrolling CofE interferers.

I do think they should be good reasons after so many years that the members in the group can decide how they want to proceed.
Also how you self-identify as a group matters. It may have initially been a group open to all to share faith but after years and years it has become an intimate place of deep sharing. Therefore its identity has changed and shouldn't be open to new members unless all participants agree.
There can be another format open to newbies but it shouldn't be automatic that people can join without full agreement of everyone in the group.

As a Catholic we definitely would see a group with years of formation and fellowship behind it as a different animal than a more open "welcome one and all" group.

I think you should speak up, because this can't be how to proceed if you will lose your spiritual home.

“…we were all assigned to different, more traditional groups.”

“Assigned’? Bloody hell - what kind of CofE church enforces it’s home groups like that? Ours are ‘drop in if you like’!

We weren't forced to go to a group (as in: we could've not gone to any group & still been members of the church), but if we wanted to join a group we were told which group to go to, & our wonderful, funny, exploring, supportive group was disbanded without notice - just because one bloke decided we didn't fit his idea of what a housegroup should be/do.

It was a clappy-happy church with some very immature, dodgy practices but some wonderful people in it, too.

These are really interesting, and helpful, posts. Our priest is fairly new and I don't want him to see me as closed minded to church members.
I can imagine losing my 'spiritual home' as you nicely put it ifIwerenotanadroid and, if our next group atmosphere feels uncomfortable, I will try to step up and speak out as *Ravenclawdropout' suggests.

It was a clappy-happy church with some very immature, dodgy practices but some wonderful people in it, too.
I suppose the good people should stick it out.