Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Anglican feeling called to become Catholic

126 replies

Olinguita · 05/07/2022 10:26

Cradle Anglican here. I've been feeling increasingly drawn to Roman Catholicism for the past two years. For background, I was educated at a Roman Catholic convent and it's only recently that I've realized how deep an impression it left on me. I love the Virgin Mary, the sacraments, the liturgy, Ignatian spirituality and the sense of being part of a global church. I've been sneaking into Catholic churches for mass for the past two years and it has given me a sense of being in the presence of God in a way that I don't feel in my middle of the road Anglican church. I'm struggling with the blobbiness and lack of mystery and contemplation in the Anglican church, and I have had thid general sense of not quite fitting in for a long time, and I struggle to articulate why. Weirdly when I go into a Catholic church it just feels like home. I did an online course on Catholic Social Teaching last summer and it blew my mind - there was so much that I agreed with in terms of economic justice and I really enjoyed debating big, tricky social issues with the other participants.
Here's the kicker - I'm politically left(ish) and feminist, and a lot of my inner circle of friends are gay or bi, so if I really am being called to Catholicism it is kind of tricky/inconvenient...and would cause a lot of upset and division among my friends and family. My family are super devout Anglicans and I just baptised my son a few weeks back with a big family celebration. I struggle with the teaching on abortion in particular and it is obviously a hot button issue right now. I personally wouldn't get an abortion unless my life was in danger but I'm profoundly uncomfortable with the idea of it being illegal. I also have no interest in judging or condemning friends who have had terminations. I think they were doing the best they could at the time.
Any Catholics out there who can advise, of folks who have converted to Catholicism? I really feel that converting would bring me deep joy and purpose but also wondering if I should "stay in my lane" and try to make the best of being Anglican. Thanks for reading to the end!

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 18/01/2023 18:05

And hopefully free accommodation!

Olinguita · 19/01/2023 19:35

Hello everyone 👋
So I still haven't heard back from the parish re. RICA/Journey in Faith but since we are coming out of the exceptionally busy Christmas period I think my email must have just got lost in a busy inbox. I'll ask the friendly lady sidesperson who recognises me next time I go in.
So I think the parish has a Journey in Faith group that serious inquirers can plug into if they have missed the RCIA cycle for that year, but it has been advertised in a slightly confusing way on the website! Based on how things are usually structured I imagine Sept would be the next opportunity to start the process properly. I'm all for doing things by the book and in the proper order with something as important as this.
Ah all this talk of Rome on the thread is making me want to visit!

OP posts:
Olinguita · 19/01/2023 19:51

@Toddlerteaplease that's great that your parents were accepting of your decision. The Anglican church my mum and stepdad are involved in is thriving and well-attended, and doing some great things in the local community. I am genuinely proud of what they do there. But I worry about the future of the Church of England more broadly. In terms of older congregations dying out, and the leaders of churches with a younger membership bending over backwards to seem acceptable to the urban liberal elite that they end up with a very watered down Christianity that feels like it doesn't really stand for anything or have any unifying concepts (for example, being squeamish about the concepts of sin or even eternal life!! Yes, really..) and worship that is more about individual self-expression rather than a communal act. However, this variety of Christianity does seem to resonate with a lot of people - some really good, smart, people who know the Bible a LOT better that I do- so perhaps I shouldn't be so judgemental. I guess I just struggle to find my groove with it. But in Catholicism I find spiritual practices and disciplines that keep the worse aspects of myself in check (my anxiety, pessimism and bad habit of comparing myself with others, for a start) and avenues for me to develop and share the better parts of myself for the greater good.the pieces of the jigsaw just feel like they fit, you know?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2023 19:58

Completely agree. I find the structure and routine in the RC church really helpful. I like that every church all over the work will be having the same readings and the same prayers. (Aside from optional or local feasts) I can't imagine any priest ever deciding that no one needed to go to church the Sunday after Christmas. As my parents bishop did! Also if you travel abroad, even though you can't speak the language, you can still follow mass. Rome is absolutely awesome. As is Lourdes. I have no Marian devotion whatsoever, but I've been 19 times!

Cuppasoupmonster · 19/01/2023 20:04

Ok just a word of warning though, that I have OCD (diagnosed, been in a psych unit, blah blah) and I do link it with my fairly strict RC upbringing. To me that’s what Mass is, almost a ritual performed to stave off impending doom - if I missed one as a child I felt guilty and that I wouldn’t be blessed that week. The endless confessions and talk of hell/purgatory made me feel like for every little human mistake or foible I’m going to be severely punished. It isn’t really a religion to make people feel like and happy in my experience, more something that’s very challenging and makes you confront uncomfortable feelings.

If you can separate it all out in a healthy way then great, but I wasn’t really able to.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2023 20:07

I think there are a lot of people who feel like that. Catholic guilt is a thing. Particularly in those who went to very strict church schools. Fortunately not so much nowz

shmivorytower · 19/01/2023 20:17

Catholic feminist here. Links you might find interesting

www.catholicwomenpreach.org

Building a Bridge: How the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community Can Enter Into a Relationship of Respect, Compassion, and Sensitivity By James Martin JS

He also has some lovely books on Ignatian Spirituality

Dontlistitonfacebook · 19/01/2023 21:10

@Lollygaggle can you explain a bit more about how you find Catholicism intellectually and spirituality satisfying? I'm not Catholic but interested and am struggling with my (non Catholic) church

Sorry to jump in on your thread OP!

Olinguita · 19/01/2023 22:27

@Dontlistitonfacebook you are very welcome to join the discussion, welcome fellow seeker!
My experience has a lot of similarities with @Lollygaggle's actually.
For me, I always felt there was a rich intellectual tradition around Catholicism and I was always encouraged to use my brain and my read widely at my Catholic school. Recently I did a course online from the London Jesuit Centre and it was a great experience - there was a spirit of healthy debate and critique, and it was then I truly understood that Catholicism encourages us to engage our brains and our consciences rather than just following blindly.

OP posts:
Olinguita · 19/01/2023 22:31

@shmivorytower thanks for the link, will check that out. And I love Fr James Martin, I follow his Facebook page!

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2023 22:33

My parents are convinced that Catholics leave their brains at the door. And just do what they are told. Really not true!

Olinguita · 19/01/2023 22:41

@Cuppasoupmonster you raise a really good point about scrupulosity and the risks inherent to those of a naturally anxious and self-critical disposition. It's something I'm acutely aware of, as certain teachers in my school gave the impression that you were only one small slip up from a long stint in purgatory at any given time. However, that was in the 1990s, and I get the impression that things have lightened up a bit (based on sermons I've heard in Catholic churches, that is), and I sense that the awful Catholic guilt isn't being instilled into the kids anymore... At least I hope not

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 19/01/2023 22:48

I will say that if you feel a calling or specific pull to live a ‘pure’ life, and feel capable of doing so (possibly easier as a a slightly older person rather than a fallible teen or impressionable young person) then it has a lot to offer in terms of consistent teachings and undiluted spiritual direction. Sadly I’m just not capable of that level of devotion.

Lollygaggle · 19/01/2023 23:02

I would agree that my experience has been to encourage exploration of faith , exploration of the difficult questions , contradictions and the sometimes difficult history of the church.
I have always been encouraged to question and explore .
However what I find most satisfying is the teaching that faith is hard , that we all fail , that failing is universal and human . That the central tenets of the Catholic faith do not change because they are difficult for people to follow . That we all strive to be better whilst acknowledging we lapse .
That faith and love are practical virtues .

But mostly what I like about the Catholic faith is the importance of quiet reflection . That the sacraments, whilst mostly being communal services , are really about a covenant between you and God and for you to think and reflect on that covenant .

Also on a very superficial level I enjoy the ancient rhythms of the Mass , the connection across the millennia and across countries . Even in a foreign country you know where you are in a mass just from the rhythms . My childhood church still said sung Latin mass and I have to say I do try to go to a Latin Mass every now and again . The deep connection to history when you hear , sung "Credo in unum Deum" is transfixing.

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 19/01/2023 23:18

@Olinguita Unfortunately I'm only 25 and that was my experience in e.g. the Catholic circles at my university. Pretty sure I posted this on this thread yonks ago but I jumped ship to the C of E partly for my own sanity :(

Babdoc · 20/01/2023 13:25

I think it’s all too easy for Christians of any denomination to get the wrong end of the stick, especially if they are prone to depression, introspection, or feelings of guilt. To see oneself as a sinful failure, unlikely to ever be “good enough” for heaven.
Christ would no doubt be saddened by this view - He came to redeem, to forgive, to offer us an open invitation to God’s love and eternal life. He understands that NO human is perfect - but we can all repent our failings and qualify for heaven through Him, not through our own efforts.

thanksbetogod · 03/01/2024 15:08

Olinguita · 19/01/2023 22:41

@Cuppasoupmonster you raise a really good point about scrupulosity and the risks inherent to those of a naturally anxious and self-critical disposition. It's something I'm acutely aware of, as certain teachers in my school gave the impression that you were only one small slip up from a long stint in purgatory at any given time. However, that was in the 1990s, and I get the impression that things have lightened up a bit (based on sermons I've heard in Catholic churches, that is), and I sense that the awful Catholic guilt isn't being instilled into the kids anymore... At least I hope not

Hi @Olinguita i’m a recent Anglican convert, I came across your post and was wondering how you got on? I went to rcia and found everything taught was just Christianity and not like any preconceptions I had, it was actually what I’ve been seeking in my heart, just more Jesus as one YouTuber put it (pints with aquinus channel is amazing).

i did have to chase my parish to join the rcia class, they weren’t great at responding so now i help with that too so the next person enquiring can ask the questions they need to ask and the Holy Spirit can guide them (whatever the outcome, that’s Gods timing and his will be done)

God bless and peace be with you.

Narratoritis · 04/01/2024 18:47

@thanksbetogod that is wonderful! Welcome Home, I am also a convert (from atheism). I also really enjoy Pints with Aquinas and Too Far with Laura Horn.

Olinguita · 02/08/2024 14:04

Hello👋
Coming back to update an old thread!
I thought I would update you on my progress! The people at my local parish did get back to me about RCIA and Journey in Faith classes and were full of apologies for missing my email.
I actually did attend some JIF classes over zoom with them last summer - we watched some Bishop Robert Barron videos and discussed them, and had some sessions on other themes. I loved it and to be honest there was nothing I heard in those sessions that I even remotely disagreed with and I left feeling more excited about my faith than I have done in a long time.
Things got a bit complicated as I got very bogged down balancing work and family life, and then we temporarily left the area due to complicated house buying process/collapsed chain situation but I'm now back in the area, in situ in new home... And I'm gearing myself up to start RCIA properly in the September batch!
I go to RC Mass near my office once a week when I go up to town and I love it. Never once heard anything in a homily that made me uncomfortable and overall it's done my spiritual and mental health a power of good.

I do still have two unresolved questions:

  1. I actually agree with the rules on contraception in the spirit of the law to a large extent, but not the letter. I'm also uncomfortable with the emphasis on having large families - I think it's a wonderful vocation to raise a lot of children and I admire those who do it, but for a whole range of social, economic, environmental and health reasons I simply don't think that large families (3+ kids) work for a lot of us. If I look around when I go to Mass there are definitely a lot of families with only children or the typical 2.4 children set up, so I suppose I wouldn't be that unusual in deciding to limit family size. For reasons I won't go into here I decided to leave a gap before having another child (we have hit some adverse circumstances as a family and my conscience said it wasn't a good time to welcome a new baby) and I'm concerned about being a denomination where that would be seen as a sinful decision. I'm seeing a lot of "content" from Catholic instagrammers in the US who are very focused on having big families and it's a bit off putting!

  2. my toddler really likes the C of E church that the rest of my family goes to, and thought Catholic Mass was boring! There is children's Liturgy of the Word at the RC church once a month in the church hall which could be an option, but at the CofE church he gets to roam freely (it's a bit of an "anything goes" environment), play with trains in the toy corner and have a biscuit after the service, and being a toddler this obviously feels more appealing! He really enjoys going to church and I feel like I don't want to move him somewhere he won't enjoy and risk alienating him from Christianity. Such a difficult balancing act...

Anyway sorry for the ramble, I just thought i should come back and update you all seeing as you were all so generous in showing support and sharing your insights ❤️

OP posts:
Fink · 02/08/2024 16:11

The first thing I would say (apart from congratulations, I'm glad you're feeling happy with everything so far etc.) is avoid American Catholic online forums and social media people like the plague, at least until you are very well settled into your Catholic community in real life. The American Catholic Church is, like their politics, very sharply divided along identity lines between liberal and conservatives. It can be a toxic environment, it's very hard to understand unless you know the background situation, and it's a very different setup from the average English Catholic experience. A fair number of new Catholics every year get dragged into an exteme version of Catholic integrationalism/sedevacantism/various conspiracy theories from social media interactions with some of these people. This is not mainstream Catholicism, and far removed from the mainstream English Church in particular.

There are respected speakers online from the US, such as the people from Ascension Press, the Augustine Institute, the Aquinas Institute and so on. But steer well clear of the instagrammers, just as you (presumably) would from their secular counterparts such as the trad wife community.

After that, time to consider family size. First of all, it is a discernment between each couple and nobody else's business, unless you choose to seek advice. Each couple has to consider factors such as finances, emotional resources, care of existing children, state of the marriage, and so on. Basically, the things that everyone should be doing anyway when they plan a family are explicitly imposed on Catholics as their duty. There is no obligation to have a large number of children. There is, as you say, an obligation to avoid artificial contraception, but NFP is an excellent way to regulate pregnancies for most women (and if there are health concerns that mean it would be dangerous to the woman's health to get pregnant, there are moral theologians and Catholic doctors who can advise). There's also a feeling that we should avoid what is called a 'contraceptive mentality', which more or less boils down to the idea that you would welcome another child if it came along, planned or not, and that you never say never to the idea of having more children even if, in practical terms, it's very unlikely that you would be in a position to plan another pregnancy.

In terms of your toddler, it depends how far you're willing to travel for a Sunday Mass and what's available in your area. Parishes vary a lot. There are plenty of Catholic parishes who have what you describe in the CofE parish, but clearly not the one you've already been attending. It's considered absolutely fine to church shop a bit within the Catholic denomination to find a parish that suits your needs, and also fine to attend one Mass with your family and attend RCIA at a different one. You will find that the different Masses within each parish may be more or less set up to entertain young children, although they should be welcomed at any Mass. You will only usually get children's liturgy, for example, at one Mass each week. On one level, it's very nice, especially as a new Catholic, to have a home community where you feel welcome and valued, but there's nothing wrong with trying out a few local parishes and going to different ones each week.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/08/2024 17:40

I agree with @Fink about the American TC church. I also have an extremely low opinion of Bishop Baron, after his behaviour when he was in the UK, for a large event a few years ago. I wouldn't worry too much about the contraception issue either. It's better to have children you can cope with and afford, than loads of kids you can't provide for.

crystal1983 · 03/08/2024 16:43

Olinguita · 02/08/2024 14:04

Hello👋
Coming back to update an old thread!
I thought I would update you on my progress! The people at my local parish did get back to me about RCIA and Journey in Faith classes and were full of apologies for missing my email.
I actually did attend some JIF classes over zoom with them last summer - we watched some Bishop Robert Barron videos and discussed them, and had some sessions on other themes. I loved it and to be honest there was nothing I heard in those sessions that I even remotely disagreed with and I left feeling more excited about my faith than I have done in a long time.
Things got a bit complicated as I got very bogged down balancing work and family life, and then we temporarily left the area due to complicated house buying process/collapsed chain situation but I'm now back in the area, in situ in new home... And I'm gearing myself up to start RCIA properly in the September batch!
I go to RC Mass near my office once a week when I go up to town and I love it. Never once heard anything in a homily that made me uncomfortable and overall it's done my spiritual and mental health a power of good.

I do still have two unresolved questions:

  1. I actually agree with the rules on contraception in the spirit of the law to a large extent, but not the letter. I'm also uncomfortable with the emphasis on having large families - I think it's a wonderful vocation to raise a lot of children and I admire those who do it, but for a whole range of social, economic, environmental and health reasons I simply don't think that large families (3+ kids) work for a lot of us. If I look around when I go to Mass there are definitely a lot of families with only children or the typical 2.4 children set up, so I suppose I wouldn't be that unusual in deciding to limit family size. For reasons I won't go into here I decided to leave a gap before having another child (we have hit some adverse circumstances as a family and my conscience said it wasn't a good time to welcome a new baby) and I'm concerned about being a denomination where that would be seen as a sinful decision. I'm seeing a lot of "content" from Catholic instagrammers in the US who are very focused on having big families and it's a bit off putting!

  2. my toddler really likes the C of E church that the rest of my family goes to, and thought Catholic Mass was boring! There is children's Liturgy of the Word at the RC church once a month in the church hall which could be an option, but at the CofE church he gets to roam freely (it's a bit of an "anything goes" environment), play with trains in the toy corner and have a biscuit after the service, and being a toddler this obviously feels more appealing! He really enjoys going to church and I feel like I don't want to move him somewhere he won't enjoy and risk alienating him from Christianity. Such a difficult balancing act...

Anyway sorry for the ramble, I just thought i should come back and update you all seeing as you were all so generous in showing support and sharing your insights ❤️

Edited

Just to say hello and I am due to start RCIA in the autumn too 👋🏻

MissTrip82 · 05/08/2024 23:34

Some of your reservations around termination and sexuality are related to being a global church. With more than a billion of us from all cultures and backgrounds, we move together on issues or not at all.

DramaLlamaBangBang · 13/08/2024 09:44

Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2023 22:33

My parents are convinced that Catholics leave their brains at the door. And just do what they are told. Really not true!

This has been a very interesting thread for me. I was born and brought up a Catholic but moved away from it and then married into a very militant atheist family. The older I've got though, the more 'forgiving' I have got towards the Catholic church. I was trying to have a discussion with my mother in law this week to counteract her traditional anti religion diatribes but was finding it hard to articulate. We get on well, but as someone who's entire family is pretty religious/ Catholic it's a bit hard to take when she says all religious people must be stupid.
I quoted above because actually I think that is one of the things that draws me back to Catholicism. That you can just sit and ' be'. You don't have to think about anything because you know what's going on, you can just sit there and listen to someone tell you stuff that often helps you make sense of what is happening outside. Wherever you are in the world, you know the rhythm of the mass, it's like an hours long brain holiday. I took my DS1 to his first Easter Vigil a couple of years ago ( he's come back with me every year) and he said he found it extremely relaxing just to sit there staring at a candle in the dark. He felt it was like a meditation, no phones, no need to ' do' anything at all. I think what I wanted to say to my mother in law was that all the things that are good for people mentally can be found in one way or another in religion- quiet reflection, giving to others, even the hated( by me) confession can be seen as a way of unburdening yourself of things that are troubling you. Anyway, good luck with Catholicism OP. Re the 2 concerns, as I said, I have a very Catholic family. None of us have more than 2 children. I only know a couple of families with more, and they wanted more. Also, different parishes have different attitudes to children. Some are very unwelcoming but some have all the things you mentioned. Many have Sunday school during mass.

Toddlerteaplease · 13/08/2024 12:52

@DramaLlamaBangBang the sense of being able to sit and know exactly what is happening, wherever you are in the world. Is what I love. Mass is Always Mass and never dumbed down. I went to
My parents Anglican Church and had absolutely no idea what was going on. As the vicar was doing his own thing.