Going through a miscarriage and trying to find the sense in it and not be angry with God

[pinkdolly]

I've only just found out today that my baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, I am now 11+3. Dh and I never planned this baby, but were really excited. Now it's all been taken away from us. And i'm trying so hard not to be angry with God. But I had so many people pray over this little one's life, and now it's gone.

Please can someone help me come to terms with this without it affecting my relationship with God.

it is crap, and when I mc'd I was angry with God, I will be honest, and I cannot really understand why He let meget pregnant and then the baby died even 6 years later. However, gthen need to know why has diminished with time, ands I am not angry any more (and have gone on to have DD)

God is big enough for you to be angry right now, even if your anger is not right. I am praying for you honey, that you can be still and know that he is GOd, and is working for good in all those that lovce HIm, even if you do not feel that right now.

any help or feel like patronising twaddle?

pinkdolly, I am really, really sorry about your baby.

I've lost a number of children myself, and the best advice I can give you is to talk to Him directly. Don't try not to feel something - if you feel it, feel it. You're grieving a loss, there is no right 'Christian' way to feel.

If you feel angry, tell Him, He's quite big enough to take that. I can't give you an answer about the sense in it. I do believe both my children and yours are in His presence now, if that's any comfort to you. I'll pray.

I had two miscarriages, one after the other. My GP the second time round told me this: Some souls only need a short time on earth before they move on. You must be a very special person/couple for this soul to have chosen you as it's home for this short time.

This made me see things quite differently. I don't know how it fits in with your belief, but it put a different perspective on things for me.

Sue - I certainly believe my baby is with Him right now too.

Pinkdolly, sorry, I meant to say I am sorry to hear about your loss before I launched into my response

2 things helped me when I had my . The first was that DH's grandad had died on the same day as the miscarriage and although this was very sad, when Grandad had found out I was pregnant, he'd said "Oh, I don't think I'll still be around by then - I thnk I'll just have to meet that one in heaven.." .
It comforted me so much that our baby was being looked after by its great grandad.

The second thing was that a friend (who'd had 2 MCs herself) sent me a little card with a picture of a tiny baby being held in a hand and it said " I will not forget you. I have held you in the palm of my hand." (from Isaiah)

I put the card in a little frame and it is up on the mantlepiece with the photos of my DSs. It's really important to me a sit reminds me of so many things - her friendship as well as thet fact that I believe that my baby is in safe hands.

Crap things happen - God is big enough to bear your pain and anger but is also taking care of your baby now.

Thank you, I know you are right, dh has said that he belives 'Elijah' (as we called him) is in heaven and we weill meet him again. I just feel robbed of the chance to know my child. And it hurts so much I cant bare it.

Is there any literature froma christian viewpoint that I could read to make it better (other then the bible).

I am just about to read Philip Yancey's Where is God when it hurts, hopefully there will be some answers in there.

Sorry to hear about your loss, pinkdolly.
When I had the first miscarriage I said to God:- "Ok, if you don't want me to have more than one child don't let me get pregnant again."
After the second miscarriage I was so furious with God that I said:- "Right, I don't want anything more to do with you. You're obviously no good. I'll never pray to you again or ask you to do anything for me." I tried it for a week and found myself in touch with God all the time. Then after a week or so I said:- "Oh God why don't you leave me alone, get out of my life" and He said:- "My dear child, I can't".
There is nothing you can do to make God love you less and there is only one source of comfort, don't cut yourself off from that.

Sorry for your loss

I suppose it depends upon one's view of God. For me, God is not a puppet master controlling all of us down to the last tiny detail, deliberately sending joys or extreme sadness. I view God as being there, being a father who we can share our joys with and who is a refuge and strength for us when life gets difficult.

When my mum had a stroke just before this Christmas I didn't think God had a hand in it, I didn't pray for her to get better, I prayed for the strength for us to get through whatever the outcome was, then later prayed for her to have the strength to get through physio.

Don't know if this is any help or not...

Nature knows what she is doing and a miscarriage is because things aren't going right.

I had a missed m/c too and I was devastated cos I was quite old and thought it was my last chance. I had had 2 abortions in my youth and was convinced it was a punishment. then someone told me than some people believe that a baby's soul waits for that particular mummy and if time isn't right for you then it will wait till you are. It was after hearing this that I conceived, even tho I had been ttc for 6 months. I am now expecting my first in 3 weeks.

Pinkdolly - so sorry to hear of this. Like others above, I've had the same and it is a terribly sad and traumatic time (even without the hormones) I think that the only thing we can do at times like these, is to pray for God's comfort and for His plan for our life to be shown - it's never our plan unfortunately and it sometimes years later before we can see any rhyme or reason to the things which have happened in our lives (if we EVER do) We can only keep trusting in God - put our lives into his hands, our decisions into his hands, our grief into his hands. xx

pinkdolly, you asked about books - I found 'Safe in the arms of God' by John MacArthur helpful.

Vey sorry for your loss

This is why i dont believe there is a god at all, or else why would he let us feel so much undeserved pain?

Thankyou all for your kind words.

Today is a new day and I feel that God has given me a strength that I could not find on my own.

I am not angry with Him, though I still dont understand and dont think I ever will.

Allgonebellyup, although yesterday was a terrible time for me I dont know how I would cope if I didn't have God in my life.

I know that my baby is in heaven and I will see him one day. I also know that God has given me a peace and the strength to get through this. And I have such support from my friends at church.

I feel blessed to have so many people praying for me.

It's going to take me a while to get over this, but I know that with Gods help I will get through it.

Once again thank you and Bless you for all your help yesterday.