apprehensive about going to new church on my own

[snowbiehamham]

As a christian who hasn't gone to church for years I would like to start going to church. I'm in my 40s, single and not working as I have a few health problems and I just feel apprehensive about going to church because I feel like I won't fit in. Churches just seem to be families and old people and where I live students often foreign. I have got to the door of a church a few ways and gone away thinking this doesn't feel right. I don't want to be asked questions all about myself and have people thinking I'm a an oddbod. Churches just don't seem to be places for me. Any church goers here what would you think if I turned up at your church?

Personally I wouldn't think anything if you rocked up to our church. I'm in my 40s, but my partner doesn't go to church with me, so I"m sure some there think I'm single. There are two other women (both older than me) whose husbands go to different churches, so they come to church on their own as well; I don't think anyone really thinks anything of it.
If you don't want to be asked questions (not that anyone should grill you anyway), then you can always slip out straightaway at the end and not chat to poeple - I did for the first few weeks I went to my church.

You could always have a look at other churches nearby which might have a different make up of people if the one closest to you doesn't feel right.

I go to church alone, and while it was strange for the first few times, I did settle in very quickly. Have you ever tried going to a Quaker meeting? It's obviously very different so not for everyone, but if you're feeling unsure about the pressure of talking to people etc, it might be an interesting environment to try. I've been a few times and found it very peaceful and enriching, in a different way to traditional church.

I've turned up at new churches a couple of times recently - trying them out. Some were friendly, others less so. Why don't you try a few to get a feel of which you'd like to return to?

Or contact one of the team and say what you said here. if they are any good, they'll invite you for coffee and cake to put you at ease and to meet a few faces so you feel at ease.

Thanks for your suggestions. I now feel less apprehensive about going to church alone.

I attend church alone at present. You have two options, contact one member of the clergy team at said church or walk in to a service to find out more. Look at services that may appeal - you can find more information on the website.

This was me last year. I am 44 and was very nervous about going on my own (married but DH not religious). My church is an older congregation, no families except for Christmas, Easter etc. Anyway, I went and couldn’t have received a more genuine, warmer reception. Everyone went out of their way to welcome me. It also felt so lovely to back at church after an absence of many years. Worst case, if you don’t click, try a different church until you do

Oh and most people at my church go alone, mostly older women

I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid. If you came to our (small CofE) church, you would be warmly welcomed by the greeters, left to enjoy the service and invited to stay for coffee afterwards, or allowed to be on your way.

All churches are different. If I were looking for a new church right now, I would try them out online first to get a feel. Most will have posted online services over lockdown.

Thanks again. I did email one church twice but they have never replied. That is a good idea to view an online service.

I go to Church alone now (husband and grown up children haven’t gone since Covid). Nobody bothers, and there are plenty of women there on their own.
The Celebrant and congregation are only going to be happy to see someone new attending. Just go, what’s the worst that can happen?!

One of the (few) benefits of lockdowns is that many churches were forced to go online and many continue to hold online services, so you can actually 'visit' several churches on a Sunday morning by logging in and out and just getting a feel as to whether it'd be a good fit. 'Try before you buy' if you see what I mean. 😂

As for my church, we're a small group of about 30, all from different walks of life. We've got a few married couples and then some people who are divorced, widowed, one chap whose wife isn't a Christian - a real mix. I actually trained the welcome team so they know how to welcome people in a balanced way. If someone is new, they ask them their name but no personal questions and if they're alone, they ask if they'd like to be introduced to someone to sit with or if they'd like to be left alone. Basically, we try to be respectful of everyone's boundaries but overall we want people to leave feeling they have been 'seen'.

I have travelled a lot with my job and so I've visited a lot of churches over the years - I could probably write a book!

And yes I do judge a church by the welcome. If I walk in and am not acknowledged by anyone, that concerns me. To me it implies people are inward focused and not looking out for newbies. Likewise, I've had a welcome which was massively over the top...in fact, one guy was SO keen to get me to sign up for their welcome pack that he followed me to the door and asked me 3 times. Desperate for new members I guess! I politely said no as I knew it wasn't the church for me and I wouldn't be returning,

All in all, hope you have a great time. Being part of a Christ-filled community is so important if you're a Christian.

Church isn't always about Sunday worship. There may be midweek activities that you can join.

For example, we have a lunch club that is staffed by half church and half non-church. It is good way to make yourself known and to get to know people so you are not alone.

There are friendly churches and not so friendly churches. So it's difficult to say.