Do you help to run your church?

[PinkPlantCase]

And if so does it feel like a burden?

We go to a fairly small C of E church, we’ve been going for a few years since we moved to the area. I really enjoy the service partly because it’s a good way to detach from the hustle and bustle of the week. I like the opportunity to stop, reflect and pray about what I would like to do better for the week ahead.

The last few months we’ve been asked to do more and more ‘jobs’ and put on rotas etc. Things like doing the reading, writing and saying the main prayer. Setting up, putting away, controlling the projector, running the live stream and playing music. A lot of the congregation are quite elderly and there aren’t many people available to take on the more strenuous/technical jobs.

We were asked but it was in a way that suggested the rota was already drawn up with us on it.

Since we’ve been doing more jobs there I’ve struggled to enjoy it as much. I go to church to be still, not for it to be something on my to do list. Or to feel like I have to go because I have a job to do. We go with young DC and juggling them and everything else can feel stressful.

Has anyone else struggled with similar feelings? It sounds silly but it seems like it would be very ‘unchristian’ for me to say sorry we don’t want to help anymore. I feel a bit selfish for feeling this way.

Unfortunately, the bottom line is that if we want churches to continue then people have to do the jobs that are needed. There are some rotas that could be disposed of and left to the priest (intercessions and the readings), but much of the other stuff is part of being a member of a church community. I'm full on involved in just about everything in my church, and, yes, going to church often feels like a burden and I don't know how long I'll feel I can continue. I think quite a lot of people (especially churchwardens) do experience burnout and end up having to leave and go to another church where they are careful not to agree to so anything!

I've never been in a church without being on some kind of rota. It's a common situation because a community venture like a church doesn't have a paid staff of technicians, caterers etc and even a paid priest/minister can't do everything. It's better if everyone who can helps out a bit, but it can easily get out of hand especially if you are young and capable, or if they have a lot going on.

They should not presume and should definitely get your agreement first. It's always ok to say no or not at the moment.

Try to stick to one or two "duties" that are easy for you, like crèche maybe, and maximum one week in three so you get your turn to attend as a worshipper as well as helping out.

In the end if is a burden you should feel ok to ask for a break (indefinitely) . I am a bit of a Martha myself and have still had to do that at times.

Would it help if you chose which jobs you did on the rota?

I'd feel aggrieved and taken for granted if I found myself stuck on a rota for jobs I don't want to do.

@FindMeInTheSunshine

Unfortunately, the bottom line is that if we want churches to continue then people have to do the jobs that are needed. There are some rotas that could be disposed of and left to the priest (intercessions and the readings), but much of the other stuff is part of being a member of a church community. I'm full on involved in just about everything in my church, and, yes, going to church often feels like a burden and I don't know how long I'll feel I can continue. I think quite a lot of people (especially churchwardens) do experience burnout and end up having to leave and go to another church where they are careful not to agree to so anything!

I do think churches can be guilty of overloading volunteers, especially churchwardens with 'jobs' that do lead to burnout especially if you have a job and/or family responsibilities.

You do have to be firm and put up boundaries regarding how much you want to do. Otherwise you will be expected to do everything with a broom up your behind to clean the church while you're at it.

Honestly, I'd do anything for my church and be thrilled to be helping.

I don't mean this in a judgemental way but rather as an issue to consider when wondering why you feel like this: do you consider church in terms of what it can give to you? Like a service provided to bring you inner peace and happiness? Or do you consider yourself to be a member of God's church, a community of Christians, who all work together to do God's work?

I think it all depends on your point of view. If you feel the latter, then helping even with the most tedious tasks seem like a blessing.

Whereas if you feel the church is something like... A library, or a school. A free service but a service nonetheless, that owes you things but which you don't need to give back to, then being asked to help will seem more like an unwelcome chore.

I'd suggest you pray about it. That's the way to get the real answers

(I say 'my church' but I mean any church community I become a part of , as I travel a lot for work and often join other churches. I don't just belong to one church and give all my time to them, it's more than I feel as a Christian we are part of a community, a family, and family members all help out! Right? )

Isn't doing things like this part of god;s work? Being of service to others?

Remember joy.

J Jesus
O Others
Y Yourself

I go to a cathedral parish, (RC) so it's easier to pick and choose what I want to do. My parents got to their local church and their congregation is tiny and mainly over 70. They are complete door mats and never say no to anything! (Then moan about having to do it)

I'm a churchwarden so I do a lot at church, I actually quite enjoy it. In my experience, those who are more involved with helping to run things get the most out of church. I need to have some quiet church time for myself too though and I get round this by going to the 9am service while the other churchwarden is on duty and having that as my time, then I'm on duty at 10.30.

I think it would be a good idea to chat with the vicar about having a recruitment drive for different teams and explain that you are feeling a bit burnt out. I often find that when things are running smoothly people often don't realise that volunteers are needed. I don't think age is a barrier to helping out either, one of our lay readers just turned 80, our prayer ministry team are all elderly, readers are all ages, likewise the refreshment team.

Choir, reader and recently joined PCC (to ensure the choir is represented).
I have been asked to do intercessions but have no desire to, so always say no.
Do what you are happy to do (and nothing is an option)

I do things at my church, but I can't do enough and we're facing closure. The congregation is small, and although the village say (by survey and in conversation) that they want the church to be there for them for Christmas/Easter/Weddings/Funerals, they are not prepared to give money, time or skills to help.

I think it's really sad that village churches are closing because people won't give even a small amount of money/time/skill to keep them going.

Thankyou so much for your replies.

It’s good to understand how different people feel about the helping out aspect.

I guess I alway thought that the people who helped out a lot felt that it was a calling. Or I suppose feel as @Flutterflybutterby describes, how being of service is a blessing.

Whereas I’ve been happy to help on a more adhock basis, filling in for someone if I happen to be there or if somethings gone wrong and they need help to fix it but I think I struggle with the frequency of the rota. There’s probably just a better balance to be had with the frequency.

I’ve recently gone back to work full time after a shortish maternity leave, I don’t really feel like I’m at a time in my life where I can be taking on more things. Perhaps that’s all I need to say.

I don’t know, there’s a lot to think and pray about. There have been some important points raised about what it means to be part of a church community.

Inevitably with small congregations keeping any organisation running is going to be increasingly burdensome for those who are there.

In your case I think there's a highly legitimate argument about simplifying things - why livestream for example? I can imagine there are past members of the congregation who can no longer attend but how many really value that?

But ultimately in my experience most religious organisations spend most of their time on maintaining the organisation rather than God's work as such. Depending on what you think God's work is.

You are feeling burnt out. From this position you end up feeling alienated. The tasks you are performing cease being an expression of love and become rather a chore to perform. No good to anyone. And yes, the account of Martha and Mary is a good one to remember here.

Two options:

1. talk to someone in your church
2. find a new church which is organised differently

Remember your love does not stop at this individual church. And if the way this church is organised is not blessing people it is a problem. You need to receive God's love in order to share it and pass it on.

Anecdotally, sometimes I think people forget how busy life is with small children. I remember it was a time when everyone seemed to want a piece of me and this did make me feel like I had less to give. If you give only out of a sense of 'duty' it is not really giving in any real sense is it? It's something more transactional. Personally, I am currently loving my online church. From that position I feel more able to give and the giving is then completely voluntary. Not saying online church is the right one for you but just showing how different individual Christian churches can be organised differently so you can find space in which to more personally express your love and care towards others better.

Agree with others, it's a very difficult balance because fewer and fewer people are attending church and so there are fewer people to 'share' the chores.

There is no easy answer, so many smaller churches are closing and as a PP says, the general 'community' wants to keep the church for christenings, weddings, funerals, Christmas services etc but doesn't appreciate the work, money and commitment involved.

Oh and I think I remember seeing on here in the past that Cathedral services can really fit the bill to be able to just go and worship. Maybe attend those sort of services for a while and see how you feel from there. As I said, caring for, loving and helping people doesn't stop at this individual church building. This can and should be expressed everyday, everywhere.

You really aren't at a stage of life where you can do much. I would say we are happy to help but only one Sunday a month for now.

Goodness you are working full time and have a baby! I would definitely politely decline most of it, maybe say “I didn’t feel I could say no but it’s quickly become obvious it’s not working”. As PP said, people forget how full-on little children are and may not realise you are working and get hardly any downtime in the week.

Yes, I understand these feelings well. I go to a very lively church and do quite a lot, but it's also important to set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy things and even Jesus set them (Jesus took time alone, went away for a while, removed himself from others) so actually boundaries are very Christian things indeed! You could tell them that you're absolutely willing to help and serve but you can only commit to one or two Sundays per month (or whatever works for you). At our church, we plan the rotas so that it's one Sunday doing something and then the following Sunday you're 'off'. That way, you're contributing to the running of the church but there is also real space to enjoy it too. If you run yourself into the ground by constantly 'doing', it's not helping anyone. I hope you're able to find a good balance.

I'm a warden so fairly full on every week.

I am also on PCC and Deanery Synod so have lots of meetings.

I love it.

What does the Church of England have in common with helicopters?

...if you get too close, you get sucked into their rotas

@CraftyGin

...if you get too close, you get sucked into their rotas