Muslim MNers, I need advice. DS 12 wants to become a Muslim

[AdaFuckingShelby]

We're not a particular religious family, although I have an interest in spirituality and the Hindu and Buddhist cultures. Both DCs went to a CofE primary because we liked the school, not because of the religious aspect, although I was quite happy for them to gain some exposure to church going, religious teachings etc. to broaden their experience (we were always honest with the school about this).
They're now at the local comp, DS has developed an interest in Islam through religious studies, and having some Muslim friends. He's always been a deep thinker and he seems serious about it. We've had talks about why he wants to do it and I'm proud of him for how much thought he's put into it and for having integrity and compassion for others, which seems to be the driving force.
He has plans to go to a mosque with his friend, and he says this friend has offered him a prayer mat. We've talked about halal food, I'm fine to cater for this, he eats a lot of veggie anyway and I'll get my head around the meat situation.
I want to support him in his choice as it seems really important to him. How can I best support him? What do I need to know?

Ah aren’t you a lovely parent supporting your child so fully 🥰 what a lucky DS.

Would your DSs friends’ mums be able to advise?

Thanks, thats a good idea although it's not really very easy at secondary school to approach other parents as there's no hanging around at the school gate and no social gatherings especially at the moment so I was hoping there would be a wise MNer to offer some advice.

You called speak to the local mosque.

They'll have someone who would talk to you about it all and probably let you visit and check it all out together

Hi Op just echoing what pp have said, your DS is very lucky to have such a supportive parent!

I am Muslim so can answer and questions/worries that you may have about the practical side of things etc.

Can I ask what does your DS say about why he wants to become a Muslim? I’m conscious of the fact that he is at quite a tender age with so much going on, puberty, school etc. And I know it’s quite common for kids this age to go through different interests etc, but of course you will know your DS better and your description of him as a deep thinker makes he think he has really thought hard about all this?

I would definitely try to speak to his friends’ parents and family, it will be good for you and DS to have that real life source of help and support. Are you able to get their email addresses?

You sound an amazing Mum, but if it was my child I would feel they were a bit too young to enter into a religion.
My oldest was very interested in religion and philosophy at that age he at that age, and helping them explore was the route I decided upon. 12 is very young to lanch deeply into a religion, but a great age to be inquisitive. Most sikh, bhuddist temples would be happy to allow visits from children with parents to find out a litte more.
There is far more to religion and indeed spirituality than a 12 years old can grasp. If he feels a path is right for him, or an atheist path it needs to be one wih full knowlege- even the brightest 12 year old can't grasp the full implications nor required consent.
I would gently encourage him to broaden his horizons, find out about humanism, a bit more about philosophy.
He has islamic friends and is a religion that values family, I would be worried he may be coming a little too influenced by his peers.

I would feel the same abut any religion that my 12 year old seemed to be taking too seriously.

@AdaFuckingShelby

We're not a particular religious family, although I have an interest in spirituality and the Hindu and Buddhist cultures. Both DCs went to a CofE primary because we liked the school, not because of the religious aspect, although I was quite happy for them to gain some exposure to church going, religious teachings etc. to broaden their experience (we were always honest with the school about this). They're now at the local comp, DS has developed an interest in Islam through religious studies, and having some Muslim friends. He's always been a deep thinker and he seems serious about it. We've had talks about why he wants to do it and I'm proud of him for how much thought he's put into it and for having integrity and compassion for others, which seems to be the driving force. He has plans to go to a mosque with his friend, and he says this friend has offered him a prayer mat. We've talked about halal food, I'm fine to cater for this, he eats a lot of veggie anyway and I'll get my head around the meat situation. I want to support him in his choice as it seems really important to him. How can I best support him? What do I need to know?

It is not my place to give an opinion about your DS and their desire!/intentions because it's not up to me or anyone else to persuade him/her when it comes to the matter of religion or religious beliefs. It's a very personal matter.

But, I just want to say that you have gone above and beyond of what a mother would do in this situation, hats off to you.

Truly, you are an amazing mother.

You have given him all the support your DS could possibly need right now. A loving family.

What I think you are looking for is his dietary needs?

All foods in general are halal (permissible) for Muslims except for the following:-

Anything to do with Pork.

Meat, that is done in the prescribed halal manner. Most large supermarkets now stock range of prepacked halal meat. As we don't know which part of the UK you are from, can't be more specific.

No alcohol in food or drinks.

There are few other things but it's not possible to list here or explain it and it will be better to contact any local Islamic centres.

Again, depending on where you there could be lots nearby or none.

Maybe you can contact following voluntary organisation.

newmuslims.org.uk/

Peace.

There will likely be an Islamic store nearby if you’re in an area with a lot of mixed ethnicities.
IME they will be able to point out helpful books and resources.
At Mosque they will likely help him to take his Shahadah - which is just saying a few words to confirm he believes in Allah.
Going with a friend will be helpful as he’ll be able to learn how to pray.
There’s an app called Muslim pro that is useful for this - prayer times but also Quran reader and other things.
Even though you yourself aren’t Muslim the Iman at the Mosque will be a good person to reach out too if you aren’t able to talk to the friends parents.

As other have said what a lovely mum you are

Where are you based? If in London, I could recommend an organization for you and your son to contact. It’s a lovely and welcoming place with many converts.

Thanks everyone, I'm in the north west so nowhere near London. He's navigating it reasonably well at the moment I think but I'm a bit concerned that one of the mosques he's going to doesn't have an area for women. I'm trying to talk to him about respect for women . The school are going to talk to him about choices when he gets back next week.
The food thing is fine, we've identified a halal takeaway so might be having one of those as a treat next week.

Hello OP,

I’m a Muslim woman (East Midlands) so if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to PM me.

I think you are being very supportive. I think the only thing I would say is I think it would be a good idea to visit the mosque with your son. Even though you are not interested in being a Muslim, I think it would be a good thing to do - not necessarily just to keep an eye on him, but to show support, and to hear what they have to say so you can understand what journey your son is on a bit better etc.

Regarding there being no prayer area for women, it is unfortunate - the same exists in my city, based on cultural issues not necessarily a part of our faith. Many mosques do have prayer rooms for women and run classes and activities etc.

There is a very good organisation in my city that I can recommend contacting - they have classes for a lot of non-Muslims as well as Muslims, and are very multi-cultural, so you will be able to talk about the basics of the faith without any of the cultural crap that seeps in as people from all backgrounds attend.

Let me know if you need any help etc
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