Will I go to hell...

[idontcarewhoreadsthis]

because I can't forgive and am about to end my marriage?

No you won't.

No, you won't.

But you might regret not trying.

Unless you have tried but still can't forgive?

No

There is no hell. Only a miserable place of our own creation (which many people create for themselves right here when they're alive anyway) and you don't have to stay there or even choose to go there. Just as eventually you will choose not to be consumed by the misery you may be feeling now. You may not forgive but you will move on. I know it doesn't feel like a "choice" when it's happening.

Thinking of you. x

No you won't. Forgiveness is a gift from God. You practise forgiveness because God has forgiven you. And because God loves your husband whatever he has done and even if you don't love him.
God loves you sweetheart and will not do anything as terrible as send you to hell.

I have tried, I truly have.

Thank you for your replies. Dutch, I have been kind of hoping it works the way you say. I will pray for forgiveness for not being able to do the same.

Can I just say, I beat myself up for years over the exact same reason as you. I walked away from God, because I thought I couldn't be forgiven, or that there would be a "price" to pray that I couldn't pay.

When I finally did ask Him to forgive me, I felt he was saying to me "At last! I thought you'd never ask!".

Give it time, don't make the same mistake I did. If you want to talk more, then CAT me. Don't put YOURSELF through hell.

Oh thanks Dingdong. I have considered the idea that I might have to walk away because God would be so angry that I have gone against him.

I put God out of my mind and remarried (in church though), had children. I was really worried that the "price" of forgiveness would be an end to my marriage, to a husband I love very much. I really truly feel that he doesn't want that, and that he has blessed our marriage.

When I started going to church again, I used to have to leave, to cry it out, it hurt so much. Still couldnt quite believe I could be forgiven, yet wanting our children to be brought up as Christians. Didn't want to ask for forgiveness because of that "price", yet didn't want to face up to the alternative.

Is there someone at your church (assuming you go) you can talk this through with? Our vicar made me see that my image of God was twisted by my guilt, that I couldn't see His compassion coming through.

idont, if you're a Christian, you're saved by grace - that is, by God's free gift to you, completely separate from the things you do or don't do.

It would be better for you to forgive, but it's not something that takes away what God has already given you. Nothing can do that.

Just because you can't forgive yet does not mean you won't be able to forgive in time, especially if you pray hard with an open heart.
It is amazing what people have managed to forgive, I remember recently the Christian mother of a murdered policeman saying that she forgave his killer.
Whether you can still live with a person who has hurt you so badly (I am infering this from your post, I don't know your story), is a different matter.

It took me time to forgive my ex-, but I have now.

Forgiveness takes time and you mustn't judge yourself harshly if it's not coming to you at the moment.

I can only assume that he hit you, or he had an affair, or he did both. Or it is even worse than that.

Your god will forgive you. He will embrace you for making the right decision for you and yours.

Are you a Christian or a Muslim or another denomination?

I still havent, nor do I think I ever will, forgive my mother and stepfather for what they put me through. I believe that God knows I have tried and that by wishing them no harm, and affording them some sort of understanding as to why they acted the way they did that He will understand.

Resolution to childhood hurt, in religious or non-religious people, doesn't arrive until at least the mid-thirties.

Don't strive too hard if you are before that age

We watch the childhood steps with constancy. He is walking, he is talking, he is thinking for himself, he is doing a jigsaw, riding a bike ..

Those important steps never cease. You can be 20, 30, 40, 90 .... they never cease. The only thing that changes is those who celebrate the steps.

Past 20, YOU must celebrate the steps. And may God watch over you. Talk to Him, if you need to. Life is not about answers .. it's about questions.

So, end your marriage, if you have to. We will understand.

Thank you.
Desiderata, I am Christian.

I'm not Christian, but I do not believe that any God would punish you for not wanting to remain in an unhappy marriage.

hi I was at a wondershop recently run by care for the family on forgiveness - it was really eye opening to me as I have some unforgiveness issues with re to my dad.

Might be worth looking them up honey as the seminar and material is so simple to read/listen to but helped me ALOT.xx

Also do you have support from your/a church - this has helped me alot. Also care for the family have a dvd marriage course which was hugely helpful to me and my dh at a really hard place in our marriage HTH xx If you want to borrow any of the above resources you can as I have the DVDs.

krissyandchris @ tiscali.co.uk

ha ha workshop not wondershop

"idont, if you're a Christian, you're saved by grace - that is, by God's free gift to you, completely separate from the things you do or don't do."

But only if you're a christian? Doesn't that mean that staying a christian is something you have to do?

nope but am a pagan so my opinion may not stand

no you definatly wony imo

i cant believe that you would even think that you could be blamed for leaving a bad marriage!
If God does exist (which personally i doubt), he must be an arse if he expects people to stay put where they are obviously so miserable! What would be the point???

no offence intended BTW.