Love your enemies - has anyone ever really tried to put this into practise?

[YummersBrandyAndMincePies]

If so i'd love to hear about your experiences and how it has changed your life, if at all, as it's something i'm trying to understand at this particular juncture. Thanks

ok, maybe no-one's ever tried it then, apart from Jesus, except Gandhi, and maybe Mother Teresa? although i don't know if she had many enemies to speak of...?

I have a couple of enemies - that is, people who did fairly unpleasant things to me and had never attempted to be reconciled to me.

I make a point of praying for good things and blessings for both of them. With one of them, time and providence has led to them changing enormously (and actually becoming a Christian, which was circumstantially, quite astonishing) and I no longer have the slightest shred of bad feeling towards her.

With the other, she has remained the same unpleasant person, and even carried on doing dreadful things. I still don't have a very high opinion of her, but I still pray those good things for her. If we're ever reconciled properly, that would be lovely, but right now, I know that I don't have to waste energy on bad feeling, because it really does use far, far less emotional energy to pray good things for her and then dismiss her from my mind until tomorrow.

SB, thats very much my experience too.

I don't know if I love my enemies but I certainly pray for them and try to forgive them whatever hurt they have caused.

I read a book a while ago, the autobiography of St Terese (of Lisieux) and this was very much her philosophy. If someone upset her she went out of her way to be lovely to them, I have been trying it out on one family member who can be very hurtful and unbelievably we are getting on a lot better.

...As we forgive those who trespass against us.

Thanks SB, i've just been thinking about this a lot recently and it seems with the one or two people who might be deemed my 'enemies' i.e people who have been generally unpleasant towards me, that i've tried pretty much everything else i can think of - retaliating just made things worse. cutting them out of my life just made for more bad feeling (funnily enough) and i've been expending a lot of energy thinking about the whole situation. So now that i'm becoming interested in christianity, and especially in Jesus' teachings, praying for them is something i'm just beginning to do.

SSC- that book sounds very interesting, who is it by?

Hi Yummers

The St Therese book is called;

The Story Of A Soul by St Therese of Lisieux

12th edition 1995

Publised by Anthony Clarke
wheatenhampstead
Herts

ISBN 0-85650-026-7

I read a book about her life and didn't like her very much at all, but a friend loaned me this and in her her own words her story is entirely different.

If you can't find a copy let me know your e-mail and you can have this one.

No, I mostly just let them go about their way.

I do not wish them ill, but I don't go out of my way to bring good things on them, as there are others who could do with it more.

thanks ssc i will definitely have a look on amazon etc and let you know how my search goes. thanks

This is something I try to do, its not easy though, particularly if people continue to be nasty or try to take advantage.

I agree with expat.>In my view if y r not rude to any 1 ( I AM NOT) if they decide you thier ENEMY they dont like u let them get on with it give them a wide bearth its their prob not yours.sad but true.LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LET THEM BOTHER YOU.!!tHATS WHY DONT LET IT UPSET YOU EVEN THOUGH YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT .not worth the emotional energy.good luck dont be sad for some thing out of your control

Ok so what about someone who is not an enemy but an irritant. What can I do to get over the extreme unchristian feelings I have towards our dear vicar? We only live literally 2 minutes walk from a beautiful church & used to be regular attenders & enjoyed being part of the church/village community. 4 years ago (after the usual lengthy interregnum -?sp ) we got an enthusiastic & totally committed new chap & equally lovely supportive wife.

He irritates the pants off me & I have had to stop going to church as I sit there seething as he bounces around like a labrador puppy & has (to me) a totally patronising manner. Totally irrational on my part but I find my hour of quiet prayer & re-affirming peace completely disrupted as I cannot ignore the feeling I want to bop him over the head with the nearest bible.

Not helped by the fact that he has alienated half the village by re-arranging our Midnight service on Christmas Eve so a lot of the locals can't get to it, (grrr 4 yrs on it still rankles!) means I can't feel the usual live & let live I try & foster. Any advice welcome!

(sorry to hijack OP)

It's a difficult situation because you blame yourself more than you blame your vicar. You see him as a totally committed Christian with a lovely wife, you just don't like his puppydog attitude and then you think you shouldn't be so un-Christian.
Ah yes, but you do have your needs as well and some reason to have them met.
Are there a few others with whom you could approach your vicar with a desire for a quiet service of evensong or compline?
How do others feel about him? Has he attracted a lot of younger people to the church who all dote on him? Does he know how you feel?
Church can be a terrible hairshirt and I think there isn't one of us here who doesn't wish sometimes that we could find another set of people to worship with. In the end we must 'fix our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith'.

That's church for you - other people rubbing the rough edges off us all by rubbing us up the wrong way sometimes. One of the reasons Paul spends so much time talking about kindness and patience and so on is because there ain't no place on earth where they're more needed than in a church.

(Apart from marriage and the family, but I suppose that's why those are given as images of the church too! )

Thanks gang. Thing is we live literally a stone's throw away from the church & DH's family are all good attenders (as was I before the change over)We live in a fairly remote community so it's hard to get out to another church (but not impossible) I might try the quakers meeting house as we have one, that might give me the soul soothing I need but without the intrusive irritation!
No service though as such as I understand it & I do find the ritual of prayer & service very familiar & soothing having been brought up a catholic.

Interesting thread because if you are looking at this from a Christian pov, it depends how you define "loving" your enemies.

If you mean "loving" as in higher sense of "trying to understand them and their failings as you perceive them" then I have nearly but not totally managed it in one instance. In another I've completely failed and have just had to distance myself instead and have interpreted "loving" them as being "not actively wishing them harm" and that's the best I can do right now.

I don't interpret Jesus as meaning "loving" in an insipid way ie he spoke out (and in a very controversial way) for what he believed in and didn't kow-tow to his detractors. Oh, not sure what I am trying to say here, just that "loving" people can mean different things in different situations. Hopefully someone with better brain power will come along and express it better than I can ...

Congrats on Christmas card Justintime - it's a cliche but sometimes the smallest steps are the hardest ...

just checking back in - sorry to be a thread-killer - interesting topic too

I am so glad I found this thread because this topic is very much on my mind.

For four years now I have tried very hard to win over a family member on my DH's side.

The bible says forgive seven times seventy. I'm not nearly there!! But I feel worn out and resentful. This Christmas was a nightmare and I just feel like giving up.

The al-anon programme which I am familiar with says detach with love - don't keep gonig back in for more.

Are these two views consistent. How much should I do.

Ah, psychology v religion ... that's an interesting one Choccochip.

Actually, thinking about it, I don't think those two views are inconsistent.

The gospels say "treat others as you would yourself be treated". Which, could mean that we should not only be treating others kindly, but ourselves as well. So, imho, you are entitled to a bit of "loving from a distance" for your own peace of mind.

Also, there is the other issue of "dependency" in relationships. Sometimes, keeping a distance and setting boundaries can be the most loving thing to do.

"Loving from a distance" I like that thanks counting!!

Now I can smile sweetly at our dear Vicar & support the church at fundraisers & socials & chat to him in passing & turn up for the odd service when I can cope with it.

Excellent!

I did that with my exh and the woman he had an affair with for 3 years... me knowing about it the whole time. Even baked her 40th birthday cake. My marriage did not last, but am still on very good terms with exh. i found that conscious forgiveness is very much part of it... and never reacting from a point of view that they are out to get you. If you can genuinely see from the other point of view and understand it gets much easier. I am not sure about the active "loving" bit. I would not go out of my way to make contact or keep in contact with her (they are not together anymore), but I don't have any negative feelings towards her anymore either.

And I feel free

yes, I have tried and failed.

But at least you TRIED nighty!