confirmation - what happens afterwards?

[marymoocow]

not as in the days and weeks ahead, but immediatly after? I am going to be confirmed in January, and obviously have told my parents, and a few close friends. These plus my inlaws will obviously be asked if they would like to come (not that i would be offended in anyway if they didn't). However, my mother started asking me yesterday if the party afterwards would be big . My reply was to the effect that i didn't realise i should be having a party. Which to her horror she said that i should be inviting everyone that i did to dc christenings, and especially my god children, and that then they would expect a party afterwards like you do after a christening.
So in short ( or not as it has turned out ) what do people normally do?

I was thinking about getting confirmed although I haven't done anything about it yet as I am doing a discipleship course at the moment and want to wait until that comes to an end.

However, I had in mind not really inviting anybody (other than DH and DC who come to church anyway) and certainly not having a party.

Not sure if this is normal but I wouldn't want to make a big deal of it - it isn't meant to be for anybody else but me.

Assuming you were christened as a child what would your mother have done had you been confirmed as a child? Would she have made a big thing of it on your behalf?

My 2 children have both been confirmed and we did have celebrations because it was a special time for them, namely a swift glass of something and some cake afterwards (because it was on a weekday evening) and a lunch on the following Sunday. We invited Godparents, clergy, family & a few friends from church who were important to them. It was also a good excuse to have a summer celebration (particularly for dd, whose birthday is in December) & lots of yummy food! Sorry if that's not what you want to hear....

thanks for your replies. Like you Niecie, I was thinking that it was meant just for me, and close family, but then as i think about it a bit more deeply, I suppose the whole point of being confirmed is to make a public statement of my belief, as well as being something personal between myself and God.
To answer the question about what my mother would have done for me on my behalf I'm not sure really. I was brought up a methodist in a tiny church which didn't 'do' confirmations. My mother was brought up c of e, but was never confirmed (because her mother wouldn't let her go to classes because it clashed with sunday lunch ). Think she seems quite bitter about that, but obviously not that much, as she has never done anything about it.

Overthehill - I think if it was one of my dc then I would have a little celebration for them if that is what they wanted. However I suppose as i have already said it's something that never occured to me that I would do for myself (possibly a typical mother response, not looking after myself)

There wasn't anything that i didn't want to hear. In the end i will make up my own mind (mother does still try to control my life in her own little way - this is something that i have done for myself, with her only let in at the end iyswim). However i wouldn't not have a celebration, just to spite her. Just like i have said never even occured to me.

Anyone else prepared to share what they would do/ did? (please )

I understand what you say about it being a public declaration but I feel that for me that bit would be covered by the confirmation taking place in front of the congregation. I suppose it depends on how much you feel part of your church.

What about a bring and share meal for after the service, if your church has a room you can use? The congregation could come and any of your relations that you end up inviting.

As you say I hadn't really thought about it until now but it wouldn't feel right for me to organise a big party as you would be a child's baptism. Part of the reason for a party after a baptism is to welcome a new baby into the family which isn't necessary after a confirmation.

That said, if you fancy getting everybody together and there are no other big family gatherings in the offing then go for it!

I was confirmed as an adult, and it was in the evening, so we just did the reception at church.

DS was confirmed this year, and we invited those who were at his baptism, and had a bit of a party. It was Sunday afternoon, so plenty of time to celebrate.

Niecie,

When I was confirmed, I didn't really plan anything. However, my church family and friends, especially my Home Group, had other plans. They all gave me presents, which I had no clue about - I didn't realise it was the done thing, having not been brought up CofE. It was a lovely surprise, and I still cherish their expressions of love and support towards me.

Oh goodness AMerryScot! That must have been lovely but that really would have caught me on the hop! I wouldn't have known what to say and probably would have blubbed!

I think I probably did, Neicie!

When we (dh and I) were baptised as adults earlier this year we invited a few friends and family we wanted there, and after the service we had a pot-luck lunch back at our house, with a few glasses of wine and baked potatoes etc. Our invited guests and our church homegroup and a few other friends came. It swas great, nice and informal.

Confirmation is for you, and the public declaration is in front of your church family. You should do what you want to do, not what everyone expects.

Thanks again for all of your replies. Think I am going to go along the lines of "this is happening, if you would like to attend it is ........" Then if anyone wants to come back for a cup of tea they would be more than welcome. But i'm not comfortable with making myself the centre of attention. It is something that is personal for me. And mother can make a sandwich if she wants one .

I see where you are coming from, Mary. I don't think it's right to put yourself at the centre of attention. There is only one person who gets that honour

If you have guests though, it would be lovely to have them back for a cup of tea/ glass of wine, so that you can catch up with one another. The Christian faith is all about relationships, after all.

The church that my DH and both our DSs were confirmed at always holds a party in the hall afterwards for everyone. It was great! We didn't invite to the service though, just godparents. When my DH was confirmed a couple of years ago we invited his sponsor back for lunch. That was all

marymoocow, just saw your thread and wondered what you planned in the end, it must be any day now.

My own DC's are being confirmed next month and we are just having parents and children go for a nice meal afterwards.

When I was confirmed we had coffee and cake back at the school.

Hi, nametaken. Sorry, only just realised that anyone else had replied. My confirmation is on Palm Sunday, so a little longer to go yet. Have found out from our Priest that the social committee from the church will be doing "nibbles in the back" after the service (His words ). He also said that adults in the past have gone out for a meal afterwards. Think thats what i shall be doing, but only with me, dh and dc. My mother is really trying to organise by inviting random people that she knows, rather than people I want, so this is my way of dealing with it.

So in short, it will be tea and nibbles, and cake at church, then me,dh and kids out for Sunday lunch.

Hope all goes well for your dc.