Any Mormons who can give me some advice?

[Bunglie]

Yesterday I found out that someone I have known for several years and who was a manic depressive hung himself and sadly died. I am feeling rather upset still about this but I am a bit confused about something his best friend told me last night.
It seems that my friend was baptized into the Mormon church and then left it for about 20 years, later he married his partner of 8 years because she had been visited by some 'Missionaries' (is that right?) and she herself wanted to become a member of the church. The Church said that she could not get baptized as they were living in sin...so they got married and the following week she was baptized. Her now husband became an active member of the church again for about a year, and durring that time became what she tells me is called a 'preisthood holder'....he soon became disillusioned as did his wife with the Church. However most members of his family are active members and he was considered a bit of a 'black sheep'.
I am so very sad that I nor anyone was aware of how bad he was feeling that he felt the need to hang himself...but what I am confused about is that his wife, (who had started divorce proceedings), is very upset as she told the person who told me...
"The church has taken his body, as he was a priesthood holder and they will wash him and dress him in temple garments and he will be burried and I don't have a say"
She is not a strong person and does herself suffer from depression...I would like to go to the funeral but I am not sure if I am allowed, not being a Mormon myself....and I wonder if it is true what I was told...can and does the church take the body?
His best friend who told me yesterday, is very upset by it all as he is in the belief that he will not be able to go to the funeral, and he said it is so hypcritical for this to be done as in the end (his name) actually disliked the church and would not go through the doors again and would hate to think that this was happening.

I want to support his wife and of course his best friend, but I find it difficult to believe that they are excluded from the funeral like this. I am personally upset at his death and feel guilty that I did not notice that he was feeling suicidal...but can someone explain to me what is the belief in the Mormon church when someone dies and do they have this right to take the body and is it true about him being dressed in "temple garments" and what are they?

I am sorry this has been so long but I am trying to understand and come to terms with his death and at the same time feel angry that I may be prevented from attending his funeral...is this also true?

Is there therfore anyone who can advise me...I would like to make it clear that I am not in anyway critisicing the Mormon Church, I will respect anyones religious beliefs if they will respect mein...but I am trying to learn and understand about something I know nothing about.

I am just giving this a 'bump' as I really do or would like some advice re the Mormon church.

Bunglie - I can't help you with your question, but I wanted to say how sorry I was to hear about your friend. How sad. Here's a hug.

Bunglie, I'm afraid I can't help with information about the Mormon church and its beliefs and practices, but just wanted to let you know that dh and I attended the funeral of a Mormon friend - we didn't ask permission or anything, just turned up and they were absolutely fine about it.

Awe! Thank you both...so you think it would be alright if I just turned up to the funeral, I was planning to go with his wife...but she is not sure she is allowed to go even...but she is so 'shocked' understandably that I am finding it hard to offer her support when I do not know the answers myself.

It is such a shock to us all...but I guess it has not really sunk in yet...I am more concerned about his wife and best friend...I feel as if I should be able to do or say something constructive and there is nothing I can say as I do not understand it all...I think I am feeling sad and sorry for myself...which I know is wrong, but I feel helpless to help them. If that makes sense?

hi bunglie: a little bit of something i found on the bbc web site about mormon funerals

www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/mormon/features/funerals.shtml

it doesn't really say about non mormons attending the funeral, but might make other aspects clearer

hth

Hi Bunglie

My xh was baptised into the LDS (Church of Latter-Day Saints, the offical name for the Mormons) faith although he left the church in his early teens. I don't know a huge amount about it as he didn't like to talk about it very much, so I hope I don't confuse the issue. However, I believe it is the case that adolescent boys are inducted into the 'priesthood' at around age 13/14 - unless they do as my xh did and refuse to enter the church at all at this age. If your friend did take the priesthood then I would imagine in the eyes of his family he is still a member of the church despite being considered a 'black sheep' as you say. This may mean that his family would want him to have a Mormon funeral and it may well be the case that non-members would not be allowed to attend. I did attend my xh's grandfather's funeral but not all of it, as I am not LDS. And yes, part of the Mormon faith involves missionary work, so that is entirely possible that your friend's wife was 'converted' in this way.

Sorry, this probably isn't very much help - I don't understand a great deal and although my xh's family were lovely people it can all be rather excluding to those who are not of the faith, so there are lots of things that are not terribly clear to me as an outsider. (I hope I haven't confused things! Maybe someone else will come along and tell me I'm talking total rubbish but this is what I can recall from what my xh has said in the past.) You might want to try Googling for the Church of Latter Day Saints to see if you can get any more info.

Thank you both..So Have I got this right 'The church of Latter Day Saints' IS the Mormon Church.

I can go to the funeral but there might be parts of it that I am not alowed to go to as I am not a member???????

Thanks will read the link and google!

At least I don't feel quite so useless now...thank you.

Legally, I'm sure his wife can stop all this and arrange another funeral if she wants. Of course the body doesn't belong to them - the loons. Were they still living together etc? If so she is next of kin.

The sad part is that they were in adjacent wards of the local psychiatric hospital...he went out and did not come back...she is still there and when I saw her yesterday looked 'drugged up to the eyeballs' and I doubt that she is capable of making a decission or going against the rest of his family. All very sad.

Yes, sorry, should have been more clear - his wife will obviously be next of kin and his family would have no legal 'rights' over the body as such. Just meant that he would still probably be very much a member of the church in their eyes and therefore they would probably 'want' a Mormon funeral.

I'm sure you would be able to go to the funeral, Bunglie. My xh's grandfather's funeral did have an open casket and a 'viewing' period beforehand - and family photos around the grave afterwards, which I must admit I found quite strange... Don't know if that's LDS or just his family's own tradition though.

Thanks Moomina and Aloha,
I am not sure I could cope with an 'open' casket...but then I would not have to look..from what I have read they only believe in burial...I think I would prefer to be cremated...but again it is a personal thing.

I think the family consider his wife to be 'out of the picture' as she filed for diviorce and 'left' the church. I do not think emotionally she could even make a decission at the moment as I feel guilty about not having been able to do more for him and not noticing he was feeling suicidal...so she must just feel awful and I don't want to add to her sorrow I just want to try and be practical and support her now and hope that she manages to cope with it all. I am afraid that at the moment I feel my thoughts and any help I can give should be for the living. I do not mean that to sound callous, but I am confused about this whole Mormon/LDS thing and feel that I want to understand it so I can offer practical advice and support and hopefully she will be able to get some kind of closure and 'pull' her life back together for which she will need time and a lot of support...I am not sure that exclusion from the family and 'drugs' are going to help her in the long term which is why I wanted to be able to try and understand this. Also his best friend is so shocked and feeling guilty he is actually angry at the church for doing this and I hope if I have some informed information it will help him to cope and channel his anger.
I hope this makes sense..Is it normal to feel useless and selfish, as I feel now in these circumstances, and also to have a need to want to do something...or do you think I should keep my nose out?
I do value your opinions.

Some good information about Mormons and what they believe at the Religious Tolerance site. If I don't know anything about a particular belief I always start there as they generally have very accurate and unbiased information to start from.

Sounds like they've forgotten the love part of Jesus' teachings to me!! Not very helpful but their lack of compassion has made me angry!

I know this message is really old but I was trawling through all this forum.

I hope you attended the funeral and that your friend is doing alot better now.

Mormon funerals are pretty much the same as any church funeral. They have a service and then go to the grave for the burial. Anyone can attend and should be made welcome.

If his family were menbers they may have wanted him dressed in burial clothes. They generally don't have open caskets.

If his wife had wanted to organize the funeral herself then there is no reason in the mormon religion why she couldn't. That may have all been more a family matter and what his family wanted.

My understanding is that only LDS can go into the temple (big cathedral-like buildings), but anyone is welcome to their local meeting houses (in fact, they always have an everyone welcome sign outside).

As for the rights, its the next-of-kin that has the rights (following the law of the land), although it can be hard to argue with people who are so full-on.

LDS church is very involved with the minutae of their followers' everyday lives - what they eat, what they wear, what they teach their children and when, etc. Although it's not an orthodox church in any sense and stray far from the truth, there is much to be admired and they are very friendly, happy and healthy people, in general.