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Original poster

How would this marriage be viewed in the Catholic Church?

17 replies

FreeIsabelleFromTomNook · 04/05/2021 17:12

Does anyone have experience of having their marriage annulled in the Catholic Church?

Firstly, please forgive my ignorance. I would like advice please from people who are experienced in this kind of thing!

I am wondering how my marriage circumstances would appear to the Catholic Church.

I am married (my first/only marriage) to a man who was previously divorced. Neither of us are Catholics, but both Christened in the Protestant faith as babies. We had a civil marriage, not in a church, several years ago. The official reason for my husband’s divorce I think was “unreasonable behaviour” but there was adultery involved in reality.

If I were to become a Catholic, but my husband didn’t, would we still have to have his first marriage “annulled” for our marriage to be viewed as valid in the eyes of the church? How much would this matter?

Just curious at this point really.

Thanks!

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 04/05/2021 17:15

AFAIK only a marriage performed by a Catholic priest is seen as valid by the Catholic church. Your husband's previous marriage wouldn't count so wouldn't need to be annulled.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/05/2021 17:20

The Catholic church recognises most Christian marriages OP. This might be helpful en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_the_Catholic_Church

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/05/2021 17:22

Annulment is done on very specific grounds and in any annulment I know, both parties are interviewed. Adultery is not grounds for annulment IIRC.

KillingMeDeftly · 04/05/2021 17:30

My ex-DH managed to get our marriage annulled, 10 years after our divorce and after he was remarried with a child. He asked me to give evidence to the church or some such bollocks and I refused as a) I didn't want to dredge up bad memories and b) couldn't see on what grounds it could be annulled. In the end he managed it by claiming he'd been "lacking in judgement" (at the age of 30) when we got married.

Original poster
FreeIsabelleFromTomNook · 04/05/2021 17:32

Thanks for your replies and advice. I should add my husbands first marriage was in the Church of England, ours was a civil marriage.

OP posts:
Original poster
FreeIsabelleFromTomNook · 04/05/2021 17:35

@KillingMeDeftly

My ex-DH managed to get our marriage annulled, 10 years after our divorce and after he was remarried with a child. He asked me to give evidence to the church or some such bollocks and I refused as a) I didn't want to dredge up bad memories and b) couldn't see on what grounds it could be annulled. In the end he managed it by claiming he'd been "lacking in judgement" (at the age of 30) when we got married.
I personally think having to annul the first marriage formally is disrespectful to the ex spouse, because the marriage was valid in the first place but didn't work out for whatever reason.
OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 04/05/2021 17:37

CofE marriage is definitely recognised by the Catholic Church @FreeIsabelleFromTomNook.

YourCakesAreShit · 04/05/2021 17:42

His first marriage is probably valid.

Was his first wife baptised C of E?

Original poster
FreeIsabelleFromTomNook · 04/05/2021 17:43

@YourCakesAreShit

His first marriage is probably valid.

Was his first wife baptised C of E?

I think so, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
FreeIsabelleFromTomNook · 04/05/2021 17:43

@DioneTheDiabolist

CofE marriage is definitely recognised by the Catholic Church *@FreeIsabelleFromTomNook*.
Thank you, yes that's what I thought.
OP posts:
ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 04/05/2021 17:45

In the eyes of the Catholic Church? No I don't think you would be.

Anecdotally, I think most priests would recognise you were legally married.

thelegohooverer · 04/05/2021 17:49

On the surface of it, your current marriage could be seen as invalid, because your dh has been previously married.

However, it’s rarely that simple, and in practice matters like this would be referred up to a bishop.

I know of a woman who was divorced, and refused communion by her priest. Yet another priest successfully petitioned on her behalf and she was remarried, in the Catholic Church to a non-Catholic who was also divorced. I’ve no idea about the intricacies if that situation, only that it took a couple of years to get permission.

I know it’s an entirely different situation from your own, but it’s worth enquiring about.

bunglebee · 04/05/2021 17:53

There are two questions here: 1) would the Catholic church recognise us as married, in the commonly accepted sense; 2) would a Catholic priest be willing to marry us in his church. IME the answers would be 1) yes, 2) no. They'd recognise you as legally married to each other, although they wouldn't necessarily officially approve, but they also wouldn't be willing to conduct a Catholic ceremony for you, because one of you has a non-annulled prior marriage. Annulment isn't analogous to divorce, it means that a marriage never truly existed in fact, because of one of a fairly short list of reasons: you never consummated, one of you was not truly free to marry, one of you did not give valid consent, you turned out to be close relatives, etc.

KillingMeDeftly · 04/05/2021 17:53

I personally think having to annul the first marriage formally is disrespectful to the ex spouse, because the marriage was valid in the first place but didn't work out for whatever reason.

Oh I agree totally. He was on the controlling side when we were married and so him attempting to get me to give evidence etc brought it all back. Ironically it was me who was the Catholic and not him but apparently his wife was keen for the annulment as she was a strict Catholic. Clearly not strict enough to not live with him before they married and to then marry him and have a child, but hey ho!

OVienna · 09/05/2021 12:01

@KillingMeDeftly did you by any chance post about this at the time? If not, I remember a very similar scenario. I am fascinated by this - it seems to be quite common in the US, where I grew up. A friend's dad was able to get an annulment to marry his second wife. How they could decide his firsh Catholic marriage didn't really exist is beyond me. Also, apparently this doesn't affect the children. My friend did not suddenly become illegitimate following the church's decision. Phew, right? Hmm

Maggiesfarm · 09/05/2021 12:17

They will meet you where you are now, the rules apply from that time onwards. You'll be fine, husband won't have to get an annulment. Do find yourself a middle of the road Catholic church if you are thinking of converting, get to know the priest well.

By the way, there is no one Protestant faith that you were baptised into as a child, there are many! Some CofE (low/evangelical), Baptist, Methodist, free churches....are all protestant.

SpeedRunParent · 09/05/2021 16:51

Conniving to have a previous marriage annulled when it was actually valid is a sham. Why would anyone want to join a religion which requires such blatant deceit to be acceptable to them,

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