Atheist gone wrong?

[showmethegin]

This is a really weird one. I went to a baptist church as a kid but was never baptised as I lost interest before I ever wanted to do anything as formally as be baptised. I've spent the following 20 years as a complete atheist. I believe in people and I believe that people are predominantly good. I believe that religion has caused untold shit in the world because of people using it as an excuse to do awful things.

But this is the thing. The last few weeks I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure whether I even know whether there is a god and I disagree with the main points of so many different religions but I just can't shake it. I keep googling what different religions believe and thing myself in knots about it all. Is this normal?

I have never heard of this before and I don't know what to do

*tying myself in knots

You're agnostic.

Also I don't know if it's relevant but I've had three miscarriages this year so I don't know whether that is affecting it. Like my brain is desperately trying to put those babies in heaven when I don't even think I believe in heaven?

I'm so sorry if I've offended anyone here. I respect you all, whatever faith (or none) you are

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

You're agnostic.

But what does that mean? This has hit me like a ton of bricks and it's so unlikely and shocking. I'm the last person to think like this. I'm scientific and logical and I just don't get it

If all the major religions disagree, why not just believe what you believe? If it helps you to believe that there's a god and your babies are safe with him or her, do. What's the harm?

Organised religion causes dreadful things and so does organised atheism. It's men organising the world that causes the issues, not whether god exists or not.

I'm not a believer but I often think, well if I'm wrong, my loved one will be in heaven because they were a good person. I don't think I'm wrong but it it gives you comfort, that's OK. I think loss or fear does make us more open to belief. It's natural, making sense of huge loss and fear.

Bad things happen because this world is broken, sin came into it and spoiled it.
I'm not sure how to do it (!) but if there's a way to direct message me I'm happy to discuss my faith, won't be offended by questions/if you think there are flaws.
I believe what the Bible says and it really does make sense if the world.
Sorry for your miscarriages, it is so hard.

To me it means you incline towards atheism but you can't let go of the need for there to be a higher power that makes sense of it all.
I'm an atheist but I think it's really hard especially in troubled times to accept it's all just what it is and there's no reason. Your miscarriages (and I'm sorry I know how that feels) need you to believe there might be a logic and a reward for your trials.

Is it normal? Not sure. I can tell you it happened to me. What do you think prompted this in you?

Im sorry its late and am going to bed, but as the saying goes I didn't want to read and run.

I think what to do is what you are doing. Try and find out more about God and different religions. Just go with your instinct. Bear in mind that just because someone belongs to a particular religion doesn't mean they completely believe everything that religion has written down as articles of faith. It can be a bit more flexible than that.

Have you tried talking to God in that atheist prayer way? Like "Hello God I pretty much feel like I'm talking to myself, so I feel peetty silly right now. I'm really not sure if you exist, but if you do I could use some guidance because I'm finding all this very confusing, could you help me in my search for understanding?" Or similar.

I posted and your other messages came up about miscarriage. I'm sorry that has happened to you. Maybe it's linked or maybe it's more than that. I think loss does prompt us to think about the bigger questions.

Perhaps you have a yearning to explore your spirituality.

You can be spiritual without a belief in god.

It sounds like you are going through a truly horrible time. So sorry for your losses.

People start looking at faith for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes life throws a real curve ball and materialism (all that is physical is all that there is) is not enough to answer hard questions. It may help to know that you can be a scientist and person of faith. I've got all sorts in the congregation from professors to technicians. In my last two congregations we were awash with medics.

After 30+ years as a Christian my experience has been that my faith is somewhere to take the questions. It doesn't mean I get answers or the answers I want yet, even in the darkest times my sense is that God is there.

Outside of the pandemic I'd suggest going to a cathedral or empty church and just sitting with the peace of somewhere that people have prayed for generations. Maybe somewhere in nature where you could just be and grieve . Your losses are so heavy. A prayer to the God you don't believe in is still a prayer.

How are you OP? Interesting question you raise.

I think asking God to help you would be great. If he doesn't exist you won't have lost anything, and if he does then you might gain something.

I'm sure you are trying to make sense of your losses. Very tough time. Thinking of you.

@MrsTerryPratchett
Good balanced post - point well made.

While I agree it's men organising the world that causes the issues ( and the church giving them authority to do that because of their sex) I don;t understand what is meant be "organised atheism.".

I don't think you need a label necessarily. I have been an atheist, then a practising Christian (got baptised as an adult), then an atheist, now agnostic. Who knows? I think about it a lot and I read the bible and pray every day. A lot of people are like this (even if they don't admit it!) Even Mother Theresa went through long periods of not feeling any faith. Keep an open mind and don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.

And I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

You can believe in a higher power without subscribing to organised religion. You can take comfort from the rituals of organised religion without accepting it in every detail. Participation in a faith does not have to be absolute, and neither does atheism.

Miscarriages are shit, and I'm not surprised that your year has given you a need for more than just this physical world.

In difficult times in my life I have been drawn towards Quakerism. The idea of sitting peacefully in communion with others seems so comforting when there is no action I can take to simply fix what is 'broken'. I never have, but maybe one day I will ask if I may attend a meeting.

You can also have a spiritual life without a belief in god.

Also think about the nature of god- common acceptance in this country is the abrahamic god, creator, judge, patriarch, wrathful bully.
A Spinoza type god is very different, as is the godness in many other cultures, animism, polytheism.

I call myself an atheist because that is the closest answer to the question most people are asking me.

I am an atheist who works with deity, as archetypes, tends to my inner divine.

In my opinion, God is calling you.

lightand

Which god? Or Maybe godess?

God of earth and Heaven.
God.

The rest are spirits, and even pieces of wood, metal, money, whatever. Anything can be worshipped and is.

op, God, who you encountered at your Baptist Church.

lightand

Trouble is, all religions think their god is the true god- you can't all be right, and leads to conflict and war.

speakout - God a “wrathful bully”?
Yes, it was really wrathful bullying to die in agony on a cross at humanity’s hands, out of love for His creation.
OP, I am a doctor and a Christian. There is no conflict between science and faith. Go and talk to the minister at your local church, and explore a relationship with the God who loves you so much He willingly died for you.

So god sets us up to fall, ( knowing that would happen)sends himself to earth disguised as his son, sacrifices himself to himself to fufill some rules that he made up. Dies - knowing that he really didn't die and goes back to heaven.

Jesus had a bad weekend, that's all.

And I may be too liberal, but human sacrifice doesn't sacrifice doesn't float my boat.
And how does that even connect to my "sin"?
It is as clear as mud.
And yes the chriatian god is a wrathful bully- thinks nothing of mass genocide on a whim.

People don't 'know' God very well. They tend to expect or want certain things, and therefore see those things in God.

Any explanation of God is coloured by the people describing God, so is flawed.

All the religions suffer that flaw. It doesn't mean God is vengeful, judgemental, etc, just that we have seen God that way.

I believe there is God, that we understand in particular ways as a result of our own culture. People of faith seek God out and try for a better understanding of God and how to live.