@IntrovertEm - Holding you in my prayers. It is so hard when you are struggling with depression - you are exhausted and feel like you are wading through waist-deep treacle - and it is particularly difficult when you cannot feel God's presence with you.
It is in these very blackest of times that we are closest to God - so close that we can't see the Divine, in the same way as we can't see the curvature of the earth when we look towards the horizon: when something so big is so close it becomes invisible, but it is there.
What prayer pathways are you using? Have you tried prayer methods other than words? Sometimes prayer strategies that work for us at one time of our life won't at another, and we need to change. And remember, too, that prayer is a conversation with God - it can be very informal; it can be wordless; it can be despairing; it can be full of anger - look at the Psalms - all of human emotion is in there.
Madhair has suggested that most comforting of psalms, the 23rd, but there is also Psalm 61 “Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” and Psalm 43 “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalm 43:5) and I remind myself "The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and saves the crushed in spirit." (34.18). I have used all of these as mantras before, and they have helped me
God can take your anger and your grief and help you bear your pain. I know this must sound trite, but it is true. And it is in these dark times that there is change and growth taking place inside you. You can come through this, spiritually stronger.
@MrsArchchancellorRidcully - as Madhair has said there need be no conflict between science and belief in God. I think one of the things that can cause difficulty is when we think of God as being like us, but bigger (we are, after all, made in God's image), but this is such a simplification. God is so much more - beyond our small human imagining, and beyond what human words can describe. "Creation" is the "what", and "evolution" is the "how". God is continually working in and sustaining the universe, in ways we can never understand.
If we could prove God, where would there be a need for faith? Faith is necessary only when we are asked to trust. Trusting is hard - we are so helpless in the face of all the dreadful things that are happening in the world, and in particular when our children are affected, it is terrible.We would rather take 10 times their pain upon ourselves than have them suffer. You are carrying so much at the moment. Try to take some time to pray - pray to the God you no longer believe in, who says to you "Come to me all ye who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Think of the very first prayer you learned as a child - repeat it as a mantra, whenever you feel low and despairing. Hold it in your heart, let it be the rhythm of your breath. See if that will help. Don't worry that it's a simple child's prayer - you are God's beloved child. Surrender to being loved.
I'm not someone who thinks that God sends afflictions to strengthen us or test us, or that everything happens for a reason (some things may - other things just "happen"), but I do believe that if we give God the opportunity, our loving Creator will bring good from the bad.
God works with us and in us. None of us know what will happen tomorrow, but holding to God's love though everything, knowing that God is suffering with us and bearing our pain and fear, and working in us constantly , can give us the strength we need to go on - though sometimes it is very, very hard. Remember you are held lovingly in God's hand, and again the words of Psalm 34: 18 "The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and saves the crushed in spirit."
I'll hold you, too in my prayers - that both you and IntrovertEm are sustained by God, and that the Divine purpose is worked out within you, and you are comforted.
God bless.xxx