Do you ever feel guilty for not worrying?

[pensivepigeon]

I like to be quite pragmatic and hopeful over the future. Once I've done what I feel I need to do and all that can be done is to wait and see how events unfold, I try not to worry and to believe the best. However, what impedes this, is what I can only describe as a guilty feeling that I should be spending my time more concerned.

Does anyone else feel like this? What do you find helps overcoming this?

It's like an expectation that you should be continually re-evaluating and making improvements. Doing this is akin to worrying instead of moving onto a new subject for your attention.

Because not worrying involves accepting risk and making a decision and moving forward rather than churning something over and over in your head thinking of every possible case scenario and how to best negate every single risk.

I struggle sometimes with people telling me worries but not doing anything about. I like to take action and then try to forget about it.

I think that kind of worrying stems from a perfectionist attitude. Possibly from upbringing. Maybe they have been told off for not getting things 'right'. I see it in DH's family. Then they struggle in case it is not exactly perfect.

I haven't read the entire thread I'm afraid but in response to your post...
I decided a long time ago not to worry about things. This was in response to spending time grieving a couple of people and worrying about things before they were actually gone. I realised I couldn't achieve anything by this and was just wasting the time they had left.
Worry is different to concern and compassion. You can be compassionate and sympathetic / empathetic to a person who is feeling sad about something. You can have concern for a state of affairs. Worry, to me, is where you dwell on it and feel miserable and anxious about it for a long time or repeatedly, which achieves nothing and only serves to make you feel down.
You should not feel guilty about not worrying and you can still show care and compassion without worrying.

I struggle sometimes with people telling me worries but not doing anything about. I like to take action and then try to forget about it.

I can too. However, I also am coming to an understanding that sometimes an action is as risky as non action and sometimes not acting is the best response. Not acting is more challenging because you feel like you might be accused of doing nothing and blamed for a bad outcome should it occur whereas the doing nothing can be a thought through purposeful choice which weighs up all the risks as much as is possible).

think that kind of worrying stems from a perfectionist attitude. Possibly from upbringing. Maybe they have been told off for not getting things 'right'

Yes, I see this in myself. I get caught in an analysis paralysis and have Berlin guilty of procrastinating a lot. Thankfully, my DH can be a 'bodger' in order to get a job done. His attitude has been good for me and my eye for detail can help him sometimes.

@Applejackblackjackorfruitsalad thank you for your post. That does give good clarification. Yes, I think care and compassion are important and I think it is a skill not to let these lead to worrying.

I agree about the different with concern / empathy and worry and also about the action / non action.

Sometimes what can happen is if you suggest an action, that can take away from the person's own responsibility for deciding and makes you become responsible for the problems of another, leading to their helplessness in a way. It can be difficult but I try to let people make their own decisions (or non decisions) even though it cam be frustrating at times. Not easy is it sometimes

Sometimes what can happen is if you suggest an action, that can take away from the person's own responsibility for deciding

Yes, and added to this they might be just asking what you think, using you as a sounding board rather than for you to make the decision for them.

It can be difficult but I try to let people make their own decisions (or non decisions) even though it cam be frustrating at times.

Absolutely! This is something that I have observed with myself and others. It has actually made me refrain from asking for advice, sometimes, unless I am at a real loss, because people can get overly invested in me taking it! I generally research a subject before I ask for advice now...

I guess this is a bit like trying counsellors get. How to listen but not suggest things. Maybe they have phrases to use. Things like 'what do you think you might do' 'oh that sounds difficult / complicated' for example.

I meant training, not 'trying'.

Yes. However, you sometimes want to 'pick people's brains' for their expertise. Although their expertise cannot stretches to what particular actions you find most challenging and which particular risks you find most acceptable.