How do you explain death to your child when you are not religious?

[kindersurprise]

A friend of mine is not religious. Her DD is 4.5 and has recently become very interested in what happens after death. My friend does not want to tell her DD something that she does not believe in.

So, what would you say?

ahhhh I had a similar thread to this , Il see if I can find it.

Well I believe in energy and the spirit of energy, so I tell my children if something dies it goes to the "spirit world", and they can always visit someone they miss in their dreams and remember them and talk about them in the day.

Melsy did you see Bong land is caring for your dd right now?

Thanks for your replies.

I don't think my friend believes in anything, that is the problem. Her DD asked what happens when you die and she fudged it and changed the subject. She knows that she will have to give an answer the next time though.

why not just simply keep to facts.

1. people stop breathing, heart stops beating because too ill, too tired, too much pain. It's like they get to finally rest peacefylly forever rather than being in pain.

2)As for what happens "after": You make a special place for them in your heart land cherish their memory. If you love them you continue remembering them and "seeing" them when you need to.

Its very easy when you aren't religious! Children can accept the plain truth better than a lot of grownups. Creatures are born, get old and die.

What Slim said.

Plus, in the case of goldfish and small animals, you bury them in the garden and their atoms and molecules go to make new flowers.

I am glad I followed advice I read, to get some goldfish; however well you care for them one is bound to keel over soon enough for object lesson in death. It should not be a taboo subject. So when elderly relatives and dog died, DD knew the basics and we could deal with the grief without getting the questions coming up for the first time at that point.

Ah, pertinent ehre as the cat died this week. First encounter with mortality.

I ahven't explained death to them, I ahve tried to initiate ways for them to find their own answers. They seem to lean towards reincarnation,a nd I'm OK with that. It doesn't contradict anything I beleive in (and even if I did their choice would be respected).

My eprsonal belief- shared by few I know but as a result of experiences I genuinely beleive I ahve ahd- is that a persons spirit remains with us for a short while, I felt strongly that my nan for example came to see me and I knew exactly what she said to me. After that, it fades- at that point I don't know for sure, but I feel the energy goes back to some universal source- call it Gos, Brah'ma, whatever you choose.

DS was 4 when we had a stillborn baby (4 years ago tomorrow). He accepted that Louis had died, that we didn't know why, and that we were very sad. He saw him, touched him, saw him being buried. Dominic is 8 now and more affected and missing his brother more than at 4, he knows more what he is missing. He knows that people die and when you're dead that's it, you're dead and gone.

Some thought provoking answers, thank you all so much. I like the factual approach that Slim suggested.

Cristina
Sorry to hear of your loss. It was brave of you to be so honest and open with your DS. I am sure that he will one day be thankful that he was able to say goodbye to his brother.

Thank you, Kindersurprise. Initially Dominic was telling everyone that his brother is a ghost because that was the only understanding he had of churches & graveyards - he was only 4 (we found out Louis had died on Dominic's 4th birthday - how shit is life?). He considers Louis as part of the family and mentions him when he talks about our family, making me feel disloyal that I leave him out as it spares feelings & embarrassment.

I have said when someone dies they leave their bodies behind and we continue to love them and think about them but they are not with us any more.

Cristina,
I know what you mean. A very good friend of mine lost her brother when she was 15, he was only 18 I think. She told me that it was difficult when she was asked if she had siblings. If it were a passing aquaintance, or a workmate with whom she had little contact she said no, to save the other person embarrasment. She always felt guilty about it because she did have a brother.

How sad that you were told about Louis on Domenic's birthday. And lovely to think that Louis lives on in his big brother's memory.

search for "hand in glove" under my name (Twiglett) I've posted it and copied it numerous times, it worked for us and lots of people like it