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Original poster

Christian MNers - help me find my faith!

26 replies

SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 12:54

I just feel like i've just reached a point in my life where i need Jesus. I never thought i'd hear myself say that, but certain things are happening in my life and I feel like i've tried absolutely everything else and nothing seems to work.

My brother is spiralling into drug addiction - namely cocaine, and he is also, i suspect suicidally depressed. I'm so scared for him, and i feel totally paralysed, with no clue about what to do, or how to help him.

My relationship with my partner is definitely on the rocks. I find him cold and indifferent most of the time. I'm struggling with a 19 m/o every day, i feel like i'm giving and giving emotionally and then at the end of the day when i need love and support and reassurance i'm not getting it. Its like we've no idea how to relate to each other, the only thing we seem to agree on is the love we have for our daughter.
He is completely sceptical and cynical about my decision to take her to church. His reaction was 'no daughter of mine is going to church, i fundamentally disagree with all religion...'

sorry, i realise its long and complex, but i really needed to vent. i'm in tears as i write this.

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 13:00

bump

OP posts:
katz · 17/10/2007 13:08

not a lot to add really but just wanted you to know that your thread has been seen, i'm sure some of the other christian mumsnetters will be along soon too.

All i can say is trust in the lord he will provide

Original poster
SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 13:12

thanks katz

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 13:51

this is really important to me, and i really need some moral support, so i'm bumping again

OP posts:
mascarpone · 17/10/2007 14:02

Oh squeaky. I'm not sure that I can be of much help either but I can't bear the thought of you sitting there in tears. I've also started going to church after the birth of my dd. It just made me think about things very differently. I have found some lovely people at the church - is there anyone there who you feel you can talk to and they can help you pray? I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that a wise MNetter who knows more about these things can help you - I'm just starting out on my journey. PS I'm supposed to be working this afternoon, but if you need some more moral support I'm not working that hard...!

Original poster
SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 14:04

is it me? have i pissed everyone off?! don't know how i could have done seeing as i get ignored with every single bloody post i write.

i guess mumsnet's not the place to get advice and guidance about existential issues

thanks for all your help, let's hope i find a way back to christianity and my brother doesn't kill himself, eh?

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueakyBroomstickBrushes · 17/10/2007 14:05

oops! i posted that rant before i saw your post, Marscapone. sorry, i'm having rather a bad day.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 17/10/2007 14:10

Ok, you've got lots to worry about so the first thing I'm going to do is pray for you........right now I am.

And the first thing that will do is make you realise your not alone.....that some random stranger is out there thinking about you and committing this to God to help you.

About your brother - forget about trying to do anything (I'm a drug and alcohol counsellor) for him, just try to look after yourself - maybe one of the Anonymous organisations for families of drug addicts - try to step away emotionally from his problems and concentrate on yourself.

Your relationship - this argument over 'church'is I suspect not really about that but about something to argue about because you're so distant from each other. Does that make sense ? your relationship sounds awful at the moment and something which you need to work on. I'm not saying don't go to church (as obviously I'm a Christian) but your post is about reaching out for help, yes?

So think about getting some help for yourself cos you sound sorely in need of it - therapy, a nice mothers and toddlers group
in the church, something to get you out to focus on what you need.

Sending you prayers at the moment and thinking of you.

mascarpone · 17/10/2007 14:11

That's OK. Leaving the faith bit aside, is there anything practical we can do to help? Can you get in touch with a organisation to help drug addicts (and their families)? They might be able to provide some sensible advice and support. You may already have done this, so sorry if I'm suggesting things you've already tried. Your GP might have some suggestions if not. Have you tried talking to your partner about some of this stuff? Or do you think he might not listen?

bobsmum · 17/10/2007 14:19

Didn't see this until now.

Your thread's only been posted for an hour and for a "specialist" subject IYSWIM, it doesn't necessarily mean that everyone who would be able to help is online at the same time as you, or that they've evn seen your thread. So don't panic that people are ignoring you.

I don't really know where to start. I'm not a counsellor. But I can give you my gut feelings if that's ok?

Much as I would love to say, yes go to church, if it's going to drive a wedge deeper between you and your partner then I would have to say hold off for a while.

You can meet God in your time for now - I believe He's there. You may not hear him/feel him etc, but you can challenge him and lay it on the line - ask him where he is. Ask him to prove himself to you. Often he sends friends/songs/thoughts or just a lightening feeling to show us he's there - or it might be more dramatic - everyone's different.

Have you got a Bible? If you want I can send you one.

It's brilliant that your daughter is so loved by both of you. I don't know anything about relationships counselling, but I do believe that your partner is loved by God just as much as you are. If he's cold and distant - maybe he's got a few difficulties too and there's a bit of ice breaking that needs to be going on?

Um, praying for you as I type, cos I really don't know what to say for the best, other than God has a real longing to scoop you up in his arms. He's been waiting a long time for you to call out for him. He can't force you to come to him, but the can prompt you and remind you he's been there for you all along. Life really hurts sometimes and I believe that God mourns with us too during the crap stuff. Jesus wept when he lost his friend.

Will come back in a min.

Lauriefairycake · 17/10/2007 14:20

great post bobsmum

bobsmum · 17/10/2007 14:21

Laurie - was praying that a counsellor would come along when I was typing - and there you are

mascarpone · 17/10/2007 14:24

Squeaky. I found a list of organisations on the BBC site which might help?

Lauriefairycake · 17/10/2007 14:24

Yes, but your post was genuinely better than mine - what you said about meeting God in her own time and him sending her songs and lightness is really beautiful.

I'm guessing we're both praying for her right now and I hope she comes back - she sounds really hurting

bobsmum · 17/10/2007 14:31

Squeaky - I don't normally get very emotional, but your post is making me cry. This sounds really trite written down I know, but I'm really touched by your honesty on here. Anyway, after me going on about songs etc, God just suddenly popped one in my head which has helped me and others loads - feel a bit daft that it wasn't obvious to me sooner.

Anyway - if you've got speakers on your computer and have time to switch off from the outside world, please listen to this. Click on the link and scroll down to the song called "Come".

www.myspace.com/yvonnelyonmusic

lilibet · 17/10/2007 14:43

Squeak, where are you? I was thinking that if you are near any of us, a chat and a prayer time, (if you're comfortable with that) may help.

You don't have to go to church if it will upset your partner and make things difficult for you, read your bible, (or there are loads of other good 'introductory' type books) try to have quiet time with God each day where he can talk to you and love you.

The posts from the other mn'ers on this thread are wonderful and very wise, and others will come along with advice for you.

I will pray for youand your family.

Bobsmum - never knew you were a Christian!! So it's not just the fantastic taste in names we have in common!! Sensational post btw!!

DutchOma · 17/10/2007 14:51

Only just saw this. As Bobsmum says, you are not alone. I too have already prayed for you. May we link you to the Christian prayer thread? Don't like to do it without asking. Basically we are a group of Christian Mumsnetters interceding for each other's needs and offering practical help where needed and appropriate. We would love to have you.
Hope to hear from you soon

procrastinatingparent · 17/10/2007 14:59

Hi squeaky,

I wanted you to know that Jesus never turns away anyone who calls out to him. So be reassured, the fact that you feel your need for something outside yourself to depend on, for a relationship with the one who made you and who knows and loves you more than anyone else ever will, is a sign that God is working in your life already.

In fact sometimes we have to get really low before we can recognise our need for God, and he is always there waiting for us to see him. It's just like when I pick up my 3-year-old from nursery and I can see him but he can't see me yet. When he finally catches sight of me, we both grin because we are so pleased to have found each other. God feels passionately about you, and longs for you to know him better.

As bobsmum asked, do you have a bible? The Bible is where we can meet Jesus face to face, and hear what he has to say to us. (You can read it online if you don't have one to hand: try this and look up a section, perhaps choosing the Contemporary English Version or the New International Reader's Version.) You could trying reading the gospel of Mark or John chapter 4, which is about how Jesus meets our thirst for him.

Your partner might not want your daughter to go to church, but perhaps you could go on your own. Do you have a friendly church nearby? If you let me know roughly where you live I could see if I have any contacts in that area.

I will pray for you now, and am very happy to try to answer any questions you have. God bless.

StIncognita · 17/10/2007 15:17

I'm not a very good Christian myself, Squeaky, but you can be assured that what little weight my prayers carry will be added to all the others for you xx

cheritongirl · 17/10/2007 21:39

hi squeaky.. wise words already on here but i just wanted to say that i am praying for you, honestly just talk to Jesus, he is listening and you have no idea how much he loves you. I am in Leicester if i can be any support to you. Let us know how you are doing x

notsofarnow · 18/10/2007 04:16

squeaky just wanted to say that you are the most loved person in the world right now by God.

I know where your coming from on the worrying for a relative regarding addiction it is not an easy place to be but the reality is there is little that we can do except point them in the direction of help.

Am sat here choked as I type this.

As DO said you will find a community of support on the prayer thread where people check everyday so come on over.

I'm not sure what denomination you have gone along to but could you not ask for a chat with the minister/vicar/priest. Tell him your concerns maybe there is someone he can team you up with at church for support, prayer etc.

Please don't think that no one cares because we do.

MaryBS · 18/10/2007 08:38

Squeaky, can't really add much to what others have put, but praying you get the help and guidance you need.

If your relationship with your partner is really that bad, is there anything you can do to rebuild it? My DH isn't Christian, and it was a bit of a shock for him when I started going to church. He was worried about what that would mean for us, and whether I would put God ahead of him. He was also concerned about bringing our children up as Christians, but that doesn't seem to bother him so much now - except when the kids start singing "the Jesus train" song at the top of their voices in public
It helps that our vicar is a bit "off the wall" and DH gets on well with him.

As for your brother, then like people have said, speak to the professionals to see what they recommend. BE there for your brother, so if he has suicidal thoughts he's got someone who'll listen. Encourage HIM to seek professional help, if he'll listen to you.

Take care of yourself and your little one most of all

God bless

Mary

mascarpone · 18/10/2007 13:24

Squeaky - are you still here? How are you doing today?

I have just been listening to a very interesting piece on the radio (surprisingly on the Jeremy Vine show!) about the Quakers. They hold their meetings in silence so that you have time to sit and talk to God, putting aside the hustle and bustle of your daily life.

It made me think this might be something that might help you. Is there anyone who could look after your little girl for you so that you could sit somewhere peaceful (I don't think it needs to be the church) and speak to God?

Praying for you.

StIncognita · 18/10/2007 14:28

I think Jeremy Vine is a Christian, so not so surprising..

Notquitegrownup · 19/10/2007 10:44

Just found this thread.

Praying for you and yours Squeaky, and hoping that you will be back soon to see these messages.

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