Remarriage

[Question2020]

Hi, I’m interested to hear your theological perspective only on the following situation please:

A husband and wife marry. The husband was divorced, the reason for the divorce being unreasonable behaviour. His first wife initiated divorce proceedings but he was the one who actually ended the marriage. Second (current) wife was previously unmarried.

To my understanding, if you divorce for any other reason than adultery, the divorce isn’t biblically valid. Then if you go on to marry someone else, it is considered adultery.

So where would that leave the wife in this situation? Particularly if she becomes a Christian. If she stays with the husband, she’s technically committing adultery. If she divorces him and later remarries, she also commits adultery. The same could be said of the husband of course.

What would your biblical take on this situation be?

I'm totally unreligious, but my understanding is that historically, marriage was essentially a legal contract long before it was a religious ceremony. So the legal argument that she is legitimately married outweighs the religous argument that she is not.

The man’s marriage to the second wife is not valid in the eyes of the church because the church doesn’t recognise divorce. So yes she and he would be committing adultery.
I see no issue with her remarrying because her first marriage was not recognised. That’s my understanding anyway.

Quite- the ‘marriage’ exists in law outside of the church.

If he was married ‘in the eyes of God’ to his first wife that is a different matter, isn’t it? Assuming the second wife has not yet ‘become’ Christian does that not mean there is no second marriage in the eyes of the church? Or did they go through the counselling and other steps to try to have the first marriage considered annulled by the church?

Also- citing unreasonable behaviour rather than adultery in divorce papers doesn’t always mean there was not adultery. Some people just don’t want to name the third party or have to prove it in legal documents when you can just cite a handful of instances of unreasonable behaviour.

Very interesting perspectives - thank you!
I agree (theologically) with what everyone has said.
In this case there was adultery in the first marriage (his) but it wasn't the official reason for the divorce.
How does one resolve this situation I wonder?

Depends on which religon/church

The Protestant church.

I suppose my question is, what is the second wife in this situation supposed to do, because if she stays in the marriage she commits adultery, but if she divorces, that is also wrong. Can't win!

I think the Church would look at the facts (which the husband admits to) in respect of the church marriage, rather than what was stated on the application for divorce under the legal marriage.

In the Church of England you can remarry as long as you both are able to realise why your first marriage failed - no exact time scale is defined and it's up to individual clergy to interpret. My friend has offered to marry me once I get round to sorting my divorce, he has no qualms

I mean, marriage as a sacrament is different from the secular understanding of marriage. If you believe in marriage as a sacrament that is. It's a transformational covenant between God and humanity. Dependant on flavour if Christian of course. I once had a particularly conservative CofE person tell me my soul was spiritually dead because I committed adultery against God by having sex outside of marriage. Then a Roman Catholic priest reminded me that the soul can't die, a fundamental Christian belief. I know divorced Christians who refuse to remarry because they feel they're connected to their ex by God. Sometimes though, it's just not meant to be. Biblically, avoid Leviticus, he's like you're slightly crazy uncle. Old Testament represents Old Covenant (and the 10 Commandments). New Testament is about the New Covenant in Christ. Matthew 22:36-40. Love God and love one another. You can't have one without the other. So yeah, basically love is love and God is love.

I think you hit the nail on the head with “technically she commits adultery”. There are lots of things that are technically against biblical law but not against the spirit of the law.

Jesus had a lot to say about this. The Pharisees were all worried about what was technically correct, but Jesus emphasised the bigger picture. Eg when he healed on the sabbath, stuff in Mark 2 and 3 etc.

If the wife was a Christian considering marriage to a divorcee then this may be an issue. But as she’s already married to the divorcee then I can’t see how it is right to leave. It seems very legalistic and against the spirit of what Jesus taught.

Actually thinking about it, although remarriage may be committing adultery depending on circumstances, it doesn’t say the same about staying in that marriage. So a sin has been committed (and can be repented of) but it is not a sin to stay married. Saying otherwise is reading too much into the text.

The CofE allows for remarriage of those who have divorced.

Talking about biblical marriage is unhelpful as the expectations of marriage in OT and NT times are not what we have now. Pastorally I would want to talk to the couple and find out if there were big red flags from the last relationship in the new one. Whether the breakup was due to unreasonable behaviour or adultery or desertion or separation is not important. Whether it has been reflected on and there is some healing and a commitment to give this marriage their very best shot is key.

Definitely depends on the church and often, the vicar/minster

I am a Christian, married young and divorced

When I married my now DH it was really important for me to say those vows to God as well as him

We all make mistakes but Jesus spoke more about forgiveness, loving and the bigger picture of how we strive to live our lives going forward

I do not feel that God thinks I am committing technical adultery whenever I have sex with my husband

Forgot to say, the vicar that married us had also been divorced and remarried (Anglican church) but the vicar at the other Anglican Church refused to even speak to me about it!