Craving change

[AllTheWayUp]

I feel like I have been in a constant battle trying to find what is missing from my life and why I feel and act the way I do sometimes.

I envy (not in a bad way) the relationship & closeness some people have with God. I think wow how amazing that you can dedicate your life to Gods word - oh how I wish that was me !

I have 0 discipline and I struggle to keep to what I really want to do! How do I change this ??

I am Christian by background but I crave Gods love so much and I crave to feel that connected that I see others have - I want to get old one day and be confident that I will be accepted at heavens gate.

Does anyone else feel like this or any advise??

I wonder if a meditation practice might be helpful? I have found it changes the focus:

-from the future/past to here and now
-from labelling things as good/bad to accepting what surfaces in me and being able to let it go
-from craving to being more receptive
-from the script that says "I must be disciplined about this" to "let's just see what happens"

I don't know if you're looking for something in the Christian tradition? If so there are groups out there like the WCCM. And of course many options in the Buddhist tradition.

Hello @AllTheWayUp I think I understand how you feel. You dont say what you are doing in prayer/worship/charity only that you give up on whatever you do, so it's difficult to advise. For all I know you are setting yourself up for failure by demanding too much of yourself.

There are many many ways to deepen relationship with God. You are limited. You cant do everything. So just do one thing that feels right. That you enjoy hopefully. Then another. Then another. Step by step. Sometimes you feel connected, other times nothing.

Join us in the Christian coffeehouse on this board. We dont talk all the time and good mix of regulars and newcomers (who are very welcome). No one there is pretending to have all the answers either. I think no one has all the answers but its enough to keep on trying.

I think you are lucky to have this craving. Lots of people walk around completely disconnected from God (I used to be one of them.) They don't even know it is there to miss it. I was shocked to discover that God actually exists. So you are fortunate that you are seeking. That can only lead to good things.

Dont set yourself up for misery. You may never get to the end of your life with iron clad certainty you are going to heaven but hopefully you will come to realise God loves you (ah the cliche, but true!) and know that you can trust in him. And you have time to get to that. For now just try talking to God. Even if you feel you are talking to yourself. Ask him to help you find the connection you seek. Ask how you can best serve Him. Ask him to guide you in life. And trust in his grace. The results may surprise you.

I have zero discipline too! I feel like Paul was writing about me when he wrote “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” I guess it’s not a new problem if even Paul suffered with it.

Two things help for me (it’s taken me 20 years to get this far) The first is to spend a dedicated time with God each day. I try to treat it like brushing my teeth or reading the kids stories, in that I may not enjoy it but I know it’s good to do. Sometimes I connect and it’s amazing, and sometimes I don’t. But if I only wait for the right time then I will never connect. The lectio365 app is helpful for this.

The second is (was) meeting up with people. I’m much more likely to take a spiritual journey if I’m not doing it alone. There are online courses like Alpha and the prayer course that you can do with others. I’m not very comfortable on zoom but again it forces me out of my comfort zone and into a journey and I don’t regret it.

You can get closer to God but it is a battle against the temptations of everything around us. It’s well worth it though and I’ve found such peace and joy when I’m close to God. I’m sure you will too, keep searching.

Jesus formed community with his disciples and his larger group of followers. He said "where two or three are gathered in my name there am I in the midst of them". So although there is a great deal of individualism in this world and a rejection of all forms of "organized religion" the alternative is DIY or "disorganized religion" which puts a lot of pressure on the individual to find their spiritual path and all the teaching, prayer, rituals, service associated with it alone. This is definitely the hardest path to take, an actual vocation to be a hermit is extremely rare and usually those individuals are called out of a community where they have been formed spiritually for many years.

So my advice would be to find companions on your journey to share the joy, depth of prayer and struggles. Having a daily prayer life and structure to your spiritual life is apparently so obvious and so simple but the most difficult to put into practice, especially in the modern world as we are able to distract ourselves constantly. That's why many devout Catholics like to go to daily mass at it gives you 30 minutes of contemplation combined with scripture and the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. If you are Christian (or not) you don't need to be a Catholic to go to a daily mass, if you google you can find those nearest to your home and/or work. You can also enter a church any time to pray.

This is a very easy way to plug into spirituality and an ancient, very diverse community. If you are in a big UK city you will find Catholics from all over the world.

Of course this is just one option, but as a Catholic I always find it the easiest way to get back on track. Catholic parishes have lots of groups and options to meet others, make friends and serve the community. And you don't need to be Catholic or Christian (the sacraments are for Catholics if you have decide you want a greater commitment to the beliefs of the community).