Hello. I am a Christian in her 20's who desperately needs your help and spiritual guidance because from my family, only I am the believer and I absolutely have no other friends or close people who are believers, which makes it impossible for me to seek any similar help (and I started therapy because I couldn't bare the pain any longer).
Since I remember myself, I had a dream to live in the States and it wasn't the typical stupid American dream. I just always felt that I would be completely happy there - I loved almost everything there, especially the fact that I can share my faith properly. In my country, believers are not so many and they aren't Protestant - we go to church alone and etc. I had the chance to go there for Work and Travel and I loved it even more. However, lately, my only one dream to live there was completely shattered. No matter how much I tried all these years, there are so many reasons and personal obstacles in my life, making it completely impossible to realize. And I wanted to be legal, which is even more impossible since I can't achieve none of the things to be legal there.
I can't describe how difficult, devastating, and exhausting this is for me to the point that I stopped having meaning in life... Since I am a believer, it makes it even more harder as I keep asking God why did he let this happen when so many even non-believers successfully live my dream without even dreaming, working hard, and praying for it? It feels so unfair and painful since I've never made anything so bad or horrific in my life that would make God punish me or something like this. What is more - every time, when there was an opportunity for me and people around me to cheat or lie for something, I have ALWAYS chosen the right and truthful path, no matter what... and it makes me feel even more angrier, alone, and devastated..
I keep reading and listening that that God knows your true desires and when you work hard and pray for them, He will let them happen. And no matter how much I tried, my dream was shattered and made impossible. While I know many people that didn't even care about that and they successfully live my dream.... Why? It just doesn't make any sense to me... Also, I thought that maybe God has a better plan for me here in my country. However, nothing in my life is good here, not to mention to get better with all my endless problems.. My parents don't care about me, my friends are not there for me when I've always been there for them, despite all my hard work, I am treated badly in my work and it's an emotional abuse. And on the top of that - I am experiencing this hell all alone...
For me, every day is an emotional torture, trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered and as a result, to be extremely unhappy and devastated? Please, I really need your piece of wisdom and advice since it hurts so bad and I although, I started to go to therapy, I still have nobody to talk with on this Christian things.